The continuing adventures of Pam and Zach. I guess I'm obligated to state that all characters are 21 years of age or older. While embellished for literary purposes, events strikingly similar to these did actually happen.
Fantasies Indulged...Sort Of....Part 1...
I had finished reading Gillian Anderson's book, "Want-Sexual Fantasies by Anonymous". For those not familiar, it's a collection of responses to a social media query she put out several years ago, asking women around the world to write to her expressing their deepest, and possibly darkest, sexual fantasies. No holes barred, pun intended. The risks they were taking by opening up, even if it was anonymously, and to peer into the deepest recesses of their sexuality and then put that all in words, was exhilarating for me to read. I was captivated by both the honesty and the frustration expressed in their letters. It was then that I realized I was only truly hurting and frustrating myself by not acting on fantasies of my own, if given the opportunity to do so.
Even though Zach and I have talked about, acted out and, if you've been following along, written about some of our sexual fantasies, this book had spurred me into digging even deeper into to my psyche, unearthing some that I either, buried deep or gave up on. With the renewed hopes of acting on these, I knew a forthright discussion with Zach would soon be taking place.
I started by asking Zach to read the book, hoping he would gain insight into the fact that women can be just as driven and single-minded and down-right filthy about sex as men can. I told him it might help understand me better and he was quite okay with that, because Zach being Zach, would do anything that I ask of him, short of committing a crime. Over the next two weeks I would see him reading it if he got home before me or if I had a late night out. He even took it to work, leaving it in the van, so he could read it while eating lunch. I was impressed, to say the least, but not surprised. Zach is as far from having toxic masculinity as any man could be. I think you may have realized that from our stories.
As I walked in from my bike training ride one Sunday afternoon, Zach was just closing the book and tossing it on the table.
"Finished it," he expressed. "It's really informative. Thanks for asking me to read it."
"Hey. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I hope I wasn't being too pushy about it?" I asked.
"Not at all. I think now I kinda understand you better in some ways. You know, like, I'm sure there's things we haven't discussed that you have rolling around in that dirty little mind of yours," Zach said, laughingly.
"Well, while you've been engrossed in those estrogen elevated essays, I've been looking for a way to tell you one of my darkest fantasies. After reading that book I finally realized that I should just let it out. You know, like pulling a Band-aid off. Zip! It's done," I admitted.
That seemed to perk Zach's interest. He motioned for me to sit next to him on the couch and turned to face me.
I bit my lip, hesitated a second and then started. "Okay. One fantasy I have been harboring is...how do I want to put this....that I'd liked to be stripped naked in some kinda public place and fucked while someone watches. And by someone I mean a total stranger. Not like K, you know?" I rapidly confessed. Zach's eyes went wide open and his jaw dropped just a bit. He didn't say anything right away and I could see him mulling it over in his head.
"Too much?" I asked, hoping for a positive response.
"No. No. Not at all. Just, we'll, it's nothing I ever thought you would want to do. That's all. I mean, I know you've been more eager lately to be naked in, you know, kinda public surroundings. But having someone watch while I fuck you, well, that's a much different thing. And it would be me fucking you, right? Not some stranger?" he asked me.
"Of course it would be you. And, I know you might think, well, you did bring another guy in once and while I was tied up downstairs, one of you fucked me and the other came in my mouth. But I was blindfolded and couldn't see who it was and that they were actually watching me," I explained. "What I want to do is something more like 'dogging'. Do you know what that is? Dogging, I mean," I asked him.
"Not sure that I do," Zach said, looking puzzled. "Like, doing it from behind?"
I tried not to, but I had to snicker, just a little bit. "No silly. Well it could be from behind, I guess. Anyway, 'dogging' is a term they use in the U.K. when people engage in sex in their cars at a park where other people can watch them. Usually it's at night, so they turn their dome lights on so people can see. Sometimes those watching even participate by jerking off while they watch, or sometimes, the couple even invites them to join in. I don't think I want that part, the joining in part I mean. At least not right now anyway. But I definitely wouldn't mind seeing someone jerk off while they watched me. I mean us, watched us. I think the term dogging came about by people doing it in parks or areas that they knew others might be out walking their dogs at night, but that's just a guess."
"Would....Would I have to be naked too," Zach worried.