I'm a mechanic. Not just a mechanic, but a very good, highly paid, mechanic. Forget about the internet putting people out of work and don't worry about downturns in the economy. A mechanic is still essential in keeping the wheels turning and without those wheels everything would fall apart.
I'm also naturally thrifty and had been squirreling my wages away from the first payday I received. I have my hobbies and pastimes but they're cheap. I didn't have to spend a lot of money on them so I developed a nice little nest egg. I found this particularly fortuitous at the time of the Global Financial Crisis. Housing was suddenly a glut on the market and the prices were way down. Banks were selling at a pittance just to recover some of their funds. I waited a while, looking around, and just before things started to bounce back I put down a nice deposit on each of three properties, securing loans through my saving and work history.
Things were tight for the next couple of years while the market slowly recovered. After a while I was able to sell one place at a nice profit, using the money cleared to pay off the mortgages on the other two places. Just like that I had a new home and a place to rent out for a little extra income. Financially I was stable and improving.
So there was I, a proud owner of my own home and gainfully employed, and this gentleman drops around to see me at work. He was refreshingly honest and to the point.
"Peter Asher? I want you to stop seeing my daughter. You're not good enough for her. I'll give you a thousand dollars to break it off with her. If you don't, I'll buy this fucking place and fire you."
"You have a way with words," I said holding out my hand for the money.
An envelope was slapped rather disdainfully into my hand and the gentleman turned to depart.
"Ah, excuse me, sir, before you go, exactly who are you and what's your daughter's name?"
"You have more than one girlfriend?" he asked, incredulous.
"What can I say?" I asked. "When you've got it, you've got it."
"I'm Bradshaw," he snarled. "Cheryl's father."
"I'll break the sad news to her this evening," I assured him. "No use putting it off and leaving the poor girl hoping. Don't worry. I'm sure I can persuade her that she's dumping me rather than the other way around."
A vitriolic look and Mr Bradshaw departed, mission accomplished. Now I had a small problem. How could I contact Cheryl?
It turned out easier than I thought. When I hopped onto Facebook I found her already logged on so I sent her a message along the following lines.
"Cheryl, your father wants to pay me to break up with you. We need to discuss this urgently. Please come and see me tonight after 7:00. Alternatively I can discuss the matter further with your father later tonight."
I added my address and logged out, not wanting to get into a discussion on the matter just then through something as impersonal as the internet. It could wait until the evening.
Now you're probably wondering why I thought I might have a problem contacting Cheryl. This would be because I barely knew the girl. I'd seen her around at various parties but we'd never really been introduced. We certainly had never dated so you can understand why I was just slightly curious as to why I was tagged as the big bad boyfriend.
I wasn't too surprised to find Cheryl arriving at my place right on 7:00. She had explanations to give and she knew it. I opened the door and greeted her, ushering her into the front room. I had her sit on the couch sitting a little further up so we could comfortably address each other.
I was comfortable, anyway. Cheryl seemed a little nervous.
"So, how long have I been your boyfriend and why am I such a bad choice?"
"I, um, sort of misled daddy about you. He knows I have a boyfriend and he's awfully nosey and I don't want to introduce Paul to him yet. Not until our relationship is more settled. He saw a note signed with a P and you were the only person I could think of with a name starting with P so I said you were my boyfriend.
He, ah, is under the impression that you've been in trouble with the police a few times and that makes you really undesirable."
Now I might have had a few arguments with the local coppers but nothing of any import. Hell, I'd never even been charged with anything. Accused of having an inappropriate sense of humour but the cops do agree that that's not against the law. Although it should be, I've been advised. For all that most of the local cops come to me to get their cars serviced. I give them a discount as a public service.
"OK. So I'm just a blue-collar worker who's in trouble with the cops and as such a thoroughly undesirable type. I can see his point of view. I don't have to agree with it, but I can see it. The next question is what's wrong with the jerk who is your boyfriend. Is he married or engaged?"
"What? Neither. He's just my boyfriend and he's not a jerk."
"Then why isn't he here with you right now helping you to explain? You did tell him you were coming over here tonight, didn't you."
"Yes. He knows what I told my father. He would've come with me but he had to work."
"Sounds like an excuse to me. Does he ever take you out to public places?"
"Of course we go on dates. He is my boyfriend."
"Yeah, so you say. Why doesn't he want your father to know about him? Sounds shifty to me."
"He works for my father. He's afraid that Dad would fire him if he found out that he was dating me."
"Ah. Nab the boss's daughter and elope. A quick way to promotion. If your father finds him good enough to hire him for the business, why wouldn't he consider him good enough to date his daughter? Does he know something you don't? You sure the guy's not married with a kid on the side. Or divorced with a couple of kids?"
"Of course he isn't. He'd have told me if he was. I trust him. Ah, what are you doing?"
"Undoing your blouse. It seems to me that if I'm being paid a thousand not to be your boyfriend then I should be allowed to have a good look at what I'm giving up. Oh, look. A front opening bra. They are so handy at times like these."
A quick flick and her bra popped open and fell to either side. A very nice pair of breasts were now presented to me. I weighed them in my hands, jiggling them slightly, thumbs seeking and finding her nipples.
"A thousand bucks to forego the pleasure of these? I'm being short-changed. I bet once I get down to checking out your lower curves I'll find I'm being really short-changed."
"How can you be getting short-changed? You're not my actual boyfriend and so you're not exactly having to give me up. What do you mean, my lower curves, and leave my breasts alone?"