It all started innocently enough, with a phone call from my best friend Dean. I saw his call on my phone, and answered with my usual, "What's up ya queer?" Although he isn't queer.
He responded, "Not much , Homo." Although I'm not homo. "Kate wants to talk to you about the hayride Saturday."
I shifted in my bar stool. "Tell her I'm making a meat and cheese tray, my hot chocolate drink, and I have wine bottled."
Dean chuckled and said, "Yeah. Well, she has someone she wants you to meet. A girl. Says she is really nice and cute."
I grimaced inside. Kate was always setting me up with someone from the gym or work or school. This gal probably had a face, ass, and laugh like a horse. I sighed and said, "Put her on the phone."
Kate got on and before she spoke I gave her my usual greeting. "Hello Gorgeous. I'm sorry Dean is a closeted, cross dressing, tranny queen. But I warned you on your wedding day of his penchant for Latino pool boys and chiffon."
She responded, "Never mind that. I found a good one. Really. She's cute and funny and smart and fun. And single. All the things you look for in a woman."
I answered back, "Is she cute like a puppy, cute like a pony, or cute like a girl?"
Kate exhaled and said, "I'll make you a deal you can't refuse. If you hit it off, you clear the first snow from my yard. If you don't like her, I'll do yours. Deal?"
I responded, "Deal! This is win-win for me. I either get to meet someone nice, or my yard blowed. See ya Saturday. Bring the flaming queen with you, and your friend, and go warm up your plow."
She laughed and said, "You are gonna owe me big after Saturday." As she hung up I thought she sounded confident. I smiled and thought, "Maybe...."
I finished the week thinking about the hayride and found I was looking forward to it more and more as the time drew close. I made my meat and cheese tray and hot chocolate drink and suddenly realized I was giddy. I tried to tone it down and delay the inevitable disappointment, but could hardly contain my enthusiasm as I dressed in jeans, a gray hoodie, and my cleanest hat, splashing on a bit of Polo cologne and checking myself in the mirror.
I pulled into Dean and Kate's yard as he was hooking the hay rack to his truck. I noticed Kate walk out of the house with a group of girls, some of whom I knew, and stood there trying not to look too dumb. None of her crowd appealed to me. I could hardly contain my disappointment. She smiled and waved as she walked over and hugged me, whispering, "she's already on the rack."
I handed her my Tupperware and carafe of drinks and turned around. On the rack, sitting on a hay bale, was a pretty auburn haired girl, with beautiful curves, dressed in denim and smiling at me. Without taking my eyes off the girl, I leaned towards Kate and said, "I'll plow your yard bare assed on a mule for the rest of my life if she is a nice on the inside as she is on the outside." I left her there smiling as I walked to the rack.
I walked to the rack and climbed up to introduce myself. My one and only phobia in meeting someone new is "Do I shake her hand, or hug her?" I have never figured out how to do this shit and look cool. She solved the issue by trotting up to me, hugging me, kissing my cheek and introducing herself.