The sun was probably shining bright over Salt Lake City by then, but we hadn't opened the curtains.
As we patted one another dry after our shower, chatting casually more like a pair of old friends than a former couple, I found I really didn't want to open the curtains any time soon. I didn't want to go downstairs for our complimentary breakfast, I didn't want to stuff everything back in our suitcases and do that ritual last comb through the room to make sure we had everything, and I sure as heck didn't want to get in the rental car and drive Jen to the airport and out of my life.
"You're having second thoughts, aren't you?" Jen asked as she rubbed my chest a great deal more than was necessary to dry it.
"How could I not, when you're dressed so fetchingly?" I asked, gazing shamelessly upon her body.
"What are you staring at?" she asked in mock annoyance, standing back hands-on-hips so I had an even better view.
"Doing my best to memorize your body," I said with a grin.
"You too, huh?" She grinned and set the damp towel on the desk chair, which neither of us had used as anything but a clothes-horse. Then she turned and sauntered over to the unmade bed and sat on the corner with her legs spread wide, her lush bush betraying just a glint of pink the way it always did when she posed like that. One thing about a love affair gone stale -- you do get wonderfully comfortable with even the most intimate of settings. "Memorize away, my friend," she cooed.
"Only a friend now, am I?" I asked, letting my towel join hers on the chair.
"As of eleven-fifty-nine last night, that's what we agreed, isn't it?" But she welcomed me as I climbed onto her and began running my fingers playfully through her bush.
"So we're living on borrowed time here in our room, huh?"
"Or fucking on it," she whispered in my ear between nibbles on my earlobe.
"Better still."
"Could you do that swirly thing with your thumb one last time?" she asked. "And two fingers?"
I grinned and decided not to tell her I'd been just about to do that anyway. I don't think Jen ever quite grasped that I loved pleasuring her just for its own sake, which was one of a dozen reasons or more why calling it off was the right thing to do. She had her reasons, I had mine, and we both knew we'd be better off going our separate ways.
But damned if the sex wasn't fantastic right down to that last time.
As I followed her order and teased her clit with my thumb and gently slipped two fingers inside her, I did my best to forget this was the last time I'd ever do it. Three years on again and off again, mostly on again, each catch-as-catch can visit on law school holidays being a little less intense, the inevitable questions approaching along with my graduation that past spring, the unavoidable conclusion that neither one of us wanted to get married...it was over. All over. And yet I still got a thrill at the beautiful grip her vagina held on my two fingers as I worked her into a beautiful loss of control.
"God, yes, do it, Tom, faster!" And though I really didn't want it to end, I obeyed. I also leaned down and kissed her breasts passionately, giving in to the fond memories that we'd always have of that summer in Mississippi and our stolen moments here and there since then. 'The ugly cousin,' 'the nerdy one,' Jimmy's first conquest from back in the day...she'd been beautiful to me then and she was beautiful to me now.
Jen's laughter and howls rang throughout the room and, I'm sure, well beyond its thin walls. Knowing this was the last time I would hear it, I comforted myself with the thrill of knowing I must be scandalizing some straighter-than-an-arrow Mormons out there. Scott and Jimmy's long-ago chauvinistic swagger about how great ugly girls are in bed came once again through my mind, unwelcome but not entirely wrong. Jen wasn't ugly, but the plain jane of her trio of friends certainly was a firecracker in the sack. Then and now and, I was sure, for all time.
"Put your cock in me!" she ordered breathlessly, grabbing at my shoulders. All at once I wanted this over with, absolutely terrified I was going to fall back in love. "Put your cock in me!" she demanded again, but that was the last thing I wanted to do. But I wouldn't leave her with an unpleasant final memory after all we'd been through. So I climbed on top and once again followed her order.
"Oh, yes!" she grunted, closing her legs around me. "Always remember...you're so good, Tom!"
"You and me both," I said, and despite my misgivings my smile wasn't forced. She was warm and wet and welcoming as ever, and just as boisterous in the heat of the moment as she'd always been. As usual I found myself wondering just what Scott and Jimmy would have had to say if only they knew how right their chauvinistic bluster was -- the shrinking violet in public was a firecracker in the sack! It was over, but damned if we hadn't milked that summer at the lake for all it was worth!
"Do it...do it...onhhhh!" I knew the signs by heart, and I picked up the pace as her moaning got more intense. Though I saw it coming, her explosive "Yessss!" was just as thrilling the last time as it had been the first. As usual, I wasn't quite sure if she noticed that I came right on her heels. This time, it turned out she was. "Good timing, huh?" she asked as I collapsed on top of her. I felt her clench her legs tighter in case I was even thinking of pulling out just yet, which I wasn't.
"We've certainly had enough practice at it," I said.
"I guess we need to shower again?"
"I guess I'd like to."
It was probably just the looming threat of check-out time that kept us in line the second time around. I did help myself to one last playful nuzzle of her neck as I was helping her on with her bra, but once we were dressed it was all business. "So..." she said when we'd finished packing and she was sitting on the bed in her jeans and pullover, her wheeled suitcase at her feet.
"So," I echoed as I opened the curtains at last. The sun was shining bright, the view of the mountains was gorgeous, and our relationship was over.
"There's just enough time for the free breakfast," she said.
I'd have rather just driven her to the airport and gotten it over with, but I kept that to myself and we were off to the elevator. Neither of us made to hold the other's hand, which was just as well. I wondered about the weather in San Francisco, where I'd moved just after graduation a few months before. It had been raining cats and dogs when I'd flown out Friday night, and I hoped the storm was over. For the lack of any other suitable topics, I said so.
"You're not going to talk about the weather at a time like this!" Jen exclaimed as she poured us both some coffee.
"There's a whole lot I'm not willing to talk about," I said. "It's been a great ride, Jen, but..." I could think of absolutely nothing to come after that "but", so I left it hanging in the air.
"It's not like we're never going to see each other again!" she said. "We can still be friends, can't we?"
"Sure," I lied. I'd tried keeping in touch with an ex a time or two before but it had never worked out. "I'll try if you want to." That wasn't a lie -- I was willing to try, though I was certain it was doomed.
"Tell me at least, you're not going to go straight to Jimmy and what's-his-name and tell them all about this weekend," she said.
"Scott," I reminded her. "And no. We email each other a few times a year now, that's it, and I've always made a point of not asking Jimmy about Angela. So of course I don't talk about you either."
"Oh, Angela still hasn't come to her senses about him," Jen said. "Last I heard she was waiting for him to propose. Stupid Southern belles just always have to wait for the man to do that."
"Sorry to hear that," I said. No need to hurt Jen with what I knew about the Wall Street beauties Jimmy had been wining and dining behind her back. He'd been doing it all throughout Angela's three years in law school, but at least they hadn't always been exclusive then. Her studies and his work at his father's firm were just too much to juggle with a relationship, they'd both agreed, but she'd been off like a shot to New York the moment she'd graduated, with a slave-wage internship and a closet to sleep in, but she and Jimmy were an official item at last. Or so she thought at least. It wasn't my bubble to burst. Angela was nearly a phantom memory to me at that point anyhow, a lovely smile and a lovely body in a black bikini on the shores of Lake Warahatchee. Sometimes when I pictured her I couldn't even be sure if it was Angela and not Shelly that I was remembering. On that thought, I at least had a way to steer our halting final conversation into safer waters. "Whatever happened to Shelly?"
"Teaching in Kansas City," Jen said. "She was in New Orleans but her school got wiped out by Katrina and she went up to Missouri to stay with some cousins, and found a new job while she was there. Still hopeless with men, from what I hear," she added with a grin. "I'm so sorry about what she put you through that summer."
"It was worth it," I said, taking her hand in mine one last time.
She drew her hand back. "Stop that before we fall in love again!" And I laughed to keep from crying.
Salt Lake City is beautiful in the summer. I told her in the car I'd heard it was amazing in the winter, with all the Christmas lights on Temple Square.
"Is that why you chose it for this?" she asked. "I never did ask why Salt Lake City of all places."
"Neutral territory," I said. "And I'd never been to Utah."
Jen seemed satisfied with that, because she said nothing else as I drove us out of the city to the airport. Her flight to Atlanta was first, I had a few hours left to kill before mine. So I dropped her off at the domestic departures entryway before I returned the rental car. "So," I said, keeping both hands on the wheel as I drew the car to a stop.
"So," she echoed. "Well, have a great trip and a great life, Tom."
"The same to you." I offered my hand and she shook it, and we looked in one another's eyes as if sussing out whether or not to kiss one last time, but neither of us made the first move. And so we left it at a handshake.
I loved my new life in San Francisco, but that town is damn expensive and I had my hands full trying to prove myself at my new job. So there wasn't a lot of time or money for dating, and for several months after calling it a day with Jen I didn't really have the desire anyway. After that there were a few dates here and there and even a couple that ended in bed, but mostly that next year or so was all about building my career, and enjoying my overpriced but beloved little apartment in Inner Sunset.
