One Rose

I first heard about Birgul, which means One Rose in Turkish, from my best friend. Before I get to what he told me about her though, I need to explain some things. First off, I'm a 53 year old American, living in Turkey, and married to a Turkish woman as my third wife. My best friend is a 37 year old Turk, who was once married to an American, and has been divorced for close to 15 years. We met on the local military base where I work, while he was still married, and he speaks English so well I actually thought he was an American. For some reason we hit it off that day, and we've been best friends ever since. We talk every day, over the phone or in e-mail, we meet for lunch when we can, and we go to the gym three times a week. And we get along so well because we like the same kind of music, read a lot of the same books, and unfortunately both have totally fucked up personal lives. We also both, strangely enough, have a lot of mid to late twenties women who flirt with us. And we constantly give each other shit about why we don't accept any of the offers we get.

My friend doesn't accept the offers he gets because his wife cheated on him, as has every other girl since then that he's gotten serious about. His wife he blames on her running with a bad crowd at work, and getting into drug use. Her and her friends would get high while he was still at work, and of course, they'd end up having orgies of which he had no knowledge until he came home early one day. Because of her, he also lost the good job he had and was permanently barred from entering the base. He blames the other ones on him no longer having money or a car, and living with his mother. Once they find out he's not much of a marriage prospect, they start looking for better prospects while they are still with him. So, he usually restricts himself to older women who aren't looking for marriage, and ends up more or less a gigolo until they too start getting clingy. But, like I said, the younger ones also want him, because he's just a fun person to be around.

As for me, it's a totally different story, because my current wife has never cheated on me, even though she's 20 years younger than me. Instead, not long after our son was born, less than a year later, my wife pretty much lost interest in sex. And, the only times she'd want to make love would be to make up after a big fight, or when she was trying to talk me into something, usually an expensive something. It took me a while to figure this out; because I'm a hopeless romantic who believed it was his fault. The truth is though, that even if she does love me, her real reason for marrying me was because of the lifestyle I could give her that most Turkish men couldn't afford. So, I have the same outlook my friend does, that women only care about what they can get from a man. And, the only reason girls flirt with me is because they think I'm a rich American.

Like I said, we always give each other shit about the state of our personal lives, because we both think the other one is lucky. I mean, he has all these young beautiful women throwing themselves at him, and half of them know his situation. So, I keep telling him to take advantage of that instead of dating grandmothers. Some of them, especially the ones who know he has nothing, obviously just want a good time. And why shouldn't he show them one, if that's what they really want. But, he's too afraid that it will turn out like his other real relationships to take that chance. On the other hand, he thinks I have everything that's important to women. And he knows that my being married hasn't scared them away. My problem though is that I'm sure that as soon as I accept one of their offers, they'll start trying to find ways to sabotage my marriage. And I don't want to risk that just to end up with another gold digger like the wife I have now. Plus, losing her would also mean losing my kids, and I won't take that chance. He though is of the opinion that even if my wife found out I was cheating, she wouldn't divorce me, because she'd lose her easy life if she did.

That brings up back to Birgul, who as I said was first mentioned to me by my friend. She was someone he met at one of the few activities he has that I don't share. On Tuesdays, he goes to meetings of a philosophy group that he belongs to, and she was also a member. She's a good looking 25 year old girl who was also attracted to my friend and let him know she'd love to fuck his brains out. The difference though is that she's got plenty of money of her own, and couldn't care less about my friend's financial status. My friend, as usual, tried pushing her away by being a rude obnoxious person. And since it's obviously just an act, because it's easy to tell he's got a heart of gold, it didn't work on her any more than it worked on the other girls chasing him. When he told me about her, since we tell each other everything, I immediately gave him a ton of shit. How could this girl be interested in more than just fun, if she was rich, knew he was poor, and still wanted to fuck him? And for once, he took my advice and let her fuck him, in his own house so she could see his situation for herself.

I'd only seen her once before they had sex, and that was the same way I saw most of the people he knew. We were walking down the street, heading from where I park my car in front of his house, to the gym, when someone called his name. It was this hot looking chick that he introduced as Birgul. Then after only talking to her for a minute or two, mostly jokingly rude things like "don't make me have to slap you", we were on our way again. And once we were out of earshot, I asked him if that was the same Birgul, the one who wanted to fuck him. When he said yes, I told him he was crazy for turning down a girl that good looking and went on about her at least not wanting his non-existent money. Then we got back to our usual argument about how some women might think he was rich because he had a lot of rich friends, and fit right in with them because he carried himself well. But, there were also plenty of women, like this Birgul, who knew he had nothing,   yet still wanted to be with him. So, there had to be another reason, like that he was charismatic, intelligent and fun, that they wanted to be around him. Although, I was beginning to doubt the intelligent part after him again saying she was looking for something he couldn't give her.

It was the next weekend after that conversation that he finally let her have sex with him, and he said it had been nice. But, now that she'd seen the tiny apartment he lived in with his mother, she knew he'd been telling the truth, and she definitely wouldn't be back. Except, when we ran into her on Wednesday, her behavior told a different story. No, she wasn't clingy, because he wasn't the type to let women get possessive, and to be honest she didn't seem the type to cling anyway. However, it was obvious she was still interested in him, even though his attention was everywhere except on her. As a matter of fact, she and I had a short conversation while he was distracted by something. And when he finally turned back to us, we jokingly told him that what we were talking about was private between us, and didn't concern him, even though it had just been idle chat. Anyway, instead of saying goodbye this time, she followed us all the way to the gym, and even inside. She said it was because she needed to get back in shape herself, although I didn't think she needed anything, and wondered if ours would be a good gym to join.

About a week and a half later, at the beginning of the month, we got there, and guess who was now a member. And when my friend took me over to where she was, she acted surprised and asked if we knew each other from somewhere. Because my friend was still running from her romantically and I thought he should stop, I decided to put him on the spot. And so I told her we knew each other from my friend's dreams. At least that's what I thought I was saying when I said it to her, but it wasn't. I speak enough Turkish to be generally understood, and am fairly close to fluent. It's that fairly close though that's the problem, because there's a bad slang word in Turkish, that I didn't know, whose pronunciation is very similar to the word I used for dreams. So, instead of saying "in my friend's dreams", because of my foreign accent, it came out as "from my friend's balls". Not something you say to a girl you'd only seen twice before, and didn't know much about. And her trying to figure out what I'd been meaning to say, because I still didn't know what I had said, just dug a deeper and deeper hole for me.

To make matters worse, Birgul naturally went with us for our after exercise coffee. And, because my friend was trying to kill all long term romantic notions she had, by talking to everyone except her, that left me to talk to her. So, I did what I always do when I'm around good looking women and talked about all the things that were wrong with me. I'm not talking about my health issues though; I mean constant self disparaging comments, a lot of which aren't even really true. For example, talking about how my Turkish sucks, even though most people have no problem understanding me. Or about how after a whole year of going to the gym three times a week, my body still looks like shit, even if it's a lot better than a year ago, and I'm more fit than most guys half my age. And, it's not fishing for compliments, because I shoot those down too, as soon as I hear them. My friend thinks it's a defense mechanism, like his rude behavior, to keep women at a distance. Except unlike his, mine actually works, and they quickly lose interest in talking to me. Even Birgul got bored with it enough to "remember" that she had to call some people on her cell phone.

Of course, my friend always gives me shit about doing that, saying I should just be a little less talkative. And, I do fine around guys or when obvious couples are with us, and I'm actually a witty person most of the time. I just lose it completely around available women that I'm attracted to. And, while I think it's because I get nervous and can't control myself when I do it, as I said he thinks it's me pushing them away out of fear. He was also a little pissed that I did it with Birgul, and not out of any sense of jealousy. He was pissed because he thought she might have been interested in me as well, and thinks it's high time I got some fun out of life, instead of kissing my bitch wife's ass all the time. My response was to say that just like he'd told me many times, he didn't fuck his friend's wives or girlfriends. And his answer was to tell me to stop calling her his girlfriend, because she wasn't. Sure, they'd fucked once, but that didn't make them girlfriend and boyfriend. And I told him he needed to tell her that, because she obviously thought otherwise. I mean, why did he think she'd joined the gym, if it wasn't to be able to spend more time with him?   It definitely wasn't because her body needed work, that's for sure. And, that statement he had no response for.

On Friday I called him from work to tell him I wouldn't be able to make it to the gym that night. Both my wife and baby daughter were sick for one, and we'd had some house guests I also needed to drive to the bus station. So, I was wishing him luck having to spend the gym and coffee time alone with his "not girlfriend". He immediately defended himself by saying that he didn't want a relationship because it always ended the same. While she might seem perfect because she didn't want anything from him right now, in a year she'd change and be just like all the rest. I told to just fuck her for 11 months then, and when she was a worn out whore, I'd fuck her. He laughed and said he'd tell her I said that,  and I said no problem as long as he left the worn out whore comment out of it. Then on Sunday, I called him again, because I wasn't going to make it on Monday either, since I'd completely forgotten it was my wife's birthday, but that I'd go on Tuesday instead.

Well, Tuesday happens to be my friend's Philosophy club night, and I figured I'd be exercising and drinking my coffee alone. I mean that's where he and Birgul met, and naturally she'd go with him, right? So, I was surprised when I saw that Birgul was at the gym instead. Although we hadn't said much more than hello, I wasn't all that surprised when she left with me to go to the coffee place. I sort of figured that she wanted to talk to me about my friend, without him around. Well, I was right that she wanted to talk, and I was right that she didn't want my friend there when she did. But what she had to say to me was the last thing in the world I was expecting. And had I been drinking my coffee when she said it, I would have probably choked to death on it. As it was, I damn near choked anyway, because out of the blue she asked why I'd only want to fuck her after she was an old worn out whore.

Of course, there was no use denying I'd said that to my friend, because my reaction made it clear I knew exactly what she was talking about. All I could do was say I'd been joking when I said it, which I had been, and tell her I hadn't said old, because I hadn't. Her next question just drove the nails deeper into my coffin, because she asked if I was saying I wouldn't like to fuck her at all then. I'm sure she knew better than that, or else she wouldn't have asked the question. And I knew better than to try and lie to her, because she'd be waiting to pounce as soon as I did. So rather than tell her what she already knew, I just told her that it didn't matter, and she knew why. She pounced anyway, asking what right my wife had to expect me to be faithful, with all the shit she put me through. And to prove she wasn't just throwing stuff out there, she started listing some of those things, making me ask what my friend hadn't told her about my life. She replied that he'd pretty much told her everything he knew about that part. But, he'd done it because he was my friend, and he'd thought that as a woman, she might be able to help where he couldn't.

I told her that if she knew that much, then she knew why I couldn't afford to cheat on my wife. And that putting me on the spot by asking if I wanted to cheat, with her or anyone else, wasn't helping me at all. Her answer was that my being unwilling to either cheat or leave my wife was why I had this problem in the first place. As long as my wife knew she could get away with what she was doing, and that I would put up with it, she'd keep doing it. Whether it was because, as my friend said, she'd lose the gravy train, or because she loved me, if she thought she'd lose me, she'd stop right away. But telling her that obviously wouldn't work, because it hadn't worked yet, had it?   So the only way to get her to stop was to show her that she was losing me. And since she understood why I wouldn't want to leave, because of my kids, that only left cheating as the answer to my problem. That meant I either needed to actually cheat on her and let her find out about it, or I had to at least make her think I was getting ready to cheat. And, more importantly, I had to make sure she knew that her behavior was the reason why.

I said that was easy, just tell my wife I was tired of her shit, and that if she didn't straighten up by a certain date, I was going to start going out. Birgul laughed, unfortunately not with me, when she told me that wouldn't work, and I knew it. Even if I started going out on that day, it still wouldn't work, because my wife would know it was a bluff. And, threatening her would just give her time to threaten me back, knowing I'd probably cave in like I had so far. No, the only way to do it was by a change in my behavior that said I was going out to have sex, without saying a single word. And if she questioned me about it, I was not to start a fight or make any kind of accusations. I was to answer in a way that said that's what I was probably going to do, without actually saying it outright. And, as she'd said, say it in such a way that she knew that if that was my plan, her actions were responsible. For example, by doing something like asking what possible reason I'd have for cheating on her. Then let her figure it out for herself, and start worrying, while I went and did whatever it was I was going to do.

OK, she had me interested in what she was saying, although, just the part about making my wife think I was going to cheat on her. To me, cheating was the worst thing you could do to someone you felt anything at all for, and I told her that. She said that choice was mine, but in order to make my wife believe it, I had to believe it too. That meant that I had to convince myself that I was planning to cheat on her if she didn't fix her problem, so that I could be convincing in what I said and did. Of course I told her I couldn't do that because I knew that I wasn't really going to cheat no matter what. Her answer was that she already knew it too, just from the way I responded to the first things she'd said to me. And, if she could tell that easily, having only met me a couple of times, how could I ever fool my wife? Again, it wasn't whether I actually cheated or not that was important, it was that I believed I could cheat, and that I would cheat, that mattered. And, the one I obviously had the biggest problem with was believing I could cheat, and that's where we should start. But, it was too late to start now, so we'd start the next night at the gym. If I was interested in fixing my problem that is.

When I got to the gym on Wednesday, that was the first question she asked me, if I wanted her to try and help me or not. When I said that as long as it didn't involve actual cheating, the answer was yes, she said that I'd have to answer her questions honestly then, without trying to give her excuses. I said OK, and she asked her first question which was had I ever wondered what it would be like to have sex with her. I told her to hold on a second, because I didn't see how that question would help me. She said that it would, because before we could make me believe I could cheat, we had to find out why I thought I couldn't. And if I answered her questions instead of questioning her, I'd begin to understand. I said fine, the answer was yes, if that's what she wanted to know. She told me that was good, now she wanted to know all the things that would stop me, if she said she was interested in me. But, I could skip the ones about me being married and not wanting to risk my marriage, because those were obvious. What she wanted to know was what would stop me, if I didn't have to worry about the marriage part.

Again I asked why we were using her as an example; since it felt kind of weird telling her the reasons I couldn't have sex with her. She shook her head sadly and said we were using her for two reasons. One was that I'd done my best, the first night we all exercised together; to kill any interest she might have in me. I'd spent the entire time telling her what was wrong with me, instead of having a normal conversation. I would only have done that if I was attracted to her enough to want to do something with her, and afraid of letting her see that.  That was something we had to fix, because a man who was planning to cheat needed to make it obvious that he was interested in other women, not hide that fact. The other reason was that she didn't want me wasting a lot of time talking about how hard it would be to find someone to cheat with. It was easier than I thought, because a lot of women would find me attractive enough to want to fuck me. And I had to start believing that, because I could never convince my wife I was getting ready to cheat, if I thought no one wanted me. So, we both knew I wanted her, and that she wanted me too. Now what was stopping me from doing something about that?