I had just gotten out of a long-term relationship, in fact the only relationship that I had every had. Nearly a year had passed. I had kept to myself during that time I was not interested in being involved with anyone let alone having sex.
I had decided to do something that I had never done before, go on an overseas holiday. I had never set foot on a plane before let alone gone on vacation to another country. I made all the necessary travel arrangements and before I knew it, I was on my way.
I was a bundle of nerves, not knowing what to expect, let alone what I was going to do once I reached my destination. So I took a few deep breaths and decided that I would just relax and soak up the sun and learn what it was to socialize once again.
Each time I went downstairs into the bar at my hotel, I felt like I had a thousand eyes upon me. This was not the case – it was just that I was not used to being single, let alone on a vacation by myself. I did my best to cover up my feelings of wanting to run and hide by smiling at people and saying a polite hello. I thought to myself that I must be crazy for thinking I could actually go away on vacation and relax, let alone make a few new friends along the way. I felt so out of touch with what it was like to just be me, and what the meaning of enjoyment was.
A week had gone by, I had done the tourist thing, seen the sights, take a million photos and talked to some of the locals and amazingly I had started to feel more at ease in my new environment. Saturday night was approaching and I decided to take a chance and go see a band that was playing in one of the many bars close to my hotel.
I was never one to go overboard with dressing up, besides it was so dam hot and humid, there was no point. I showered, put on minimal makeup, changed, took a few deep breaths and headed towards the bar that had been recommended to my by some of the locals.
After a 15 minute walk, I was there, the place was absolutely packed. I stood at the doorway wondering if I should go in, or turn around and run for my life. I thought to myself, what the hell, and walked up to the bar and ordered a drink. I table of women close by heard my accent and asked me to go over and sit with them. I felt like I had been saved, they were fantastic – I felt like I had known them for years. I was not one to drink a lot of alcohol, but I did not want to be rude and say no when one of the women offered to buy me a drink. It was a shot of Watermelon Schnapps. I held the glass to my lips and down it wet, and it tasted great.
The band was playing, the place was pumping. I had never experienced anything like it before in my life. Everyone was there just having a good time. It was not like some of the places where I am from. Maybe it was my perception at the time, but it felt so much friendlier. As I sat there listening to the band and indulging in conversation, I felt as if I was being watched. I looked across the bar and there was a table of men talking and drinking, but one of them was looking straight at me. He smiled and I smiled back then turned away with a feeling of "oh my god" washing over me.