Never Let You Go

Jenna pulled into her parking spot back at home, the tears had stopped and dried on her face. How could this be happening? She thought to herself. He had seemed so...genuine. She really thought he had loved her. She had been a fool, like always, trusting and naïve and willing to give herself to someone completely. And he had just lied and manipulated and fucked her and used her. He was no different than any other asshole out there.

She went into her apartment and went straight to her bed, she lied down, face in the pillow and recapped the evening's events. She had gotten the mail for Max during the day; the key was on his counter. They didn't have any secrets from each other; it wasn't a big deal to get his mail. She wouldn't have even looked through it but the only thing in there was an envelope and the return address was from Michigan Corrections. She knew that meant prison or jail; something funky and couldn't help but open it, just to curb her curiosity. Max didn't have anything to hide, it wouldn't matter. But it had been a letter about his parole, and his next visit he needed to attend with his parole officer.

At first Jenna's mind spun, shock seeping through her, her head buzzed and her vision tunneled to nothing but the center of the paper as she stared. Max had been in prison? It said in the letter he had been released from the Ionia Maximum Security Prison. That was about an hour and a half away from home. But how? Max never mentioned this. He had been in Minnesota before he came here. But then it began to sink in.

No, he hadn't been in Minnesota; that was a lie. He had lied to her. The things he had done, they were all lies. Then she began to go over things he had told her about his life. The stories about his family, they didn't always add up. Sometimes he called his Grandmother, 'Grandma', and sometimes, 'Nana'; which isn't a big thing, but just kind of strange to not have a specific name for her. It had seemed a little weird to Jenna, but nothing worth questioning.

But when Max talked about his life, about his family, he never seemed excited, or happy, or even upset. There didn't seem to be any emotion behind any of his stories. But when he talked about Greg, there was. There obviously was a strong bond there, you could tell in the way Max spoke about him; but not with any of his family. Now Jenna wondered if any of it was even true.

She had sat at his table for who knows how long, contemplating all of this, wondering if she should be afraid. Had he murdered someone? Hurt a woman? Was he dangerous? Was he violent? He had never been with her, he had never even yelled at her, or cussed at her. He was such a sweetheart, but maybe that was all a façade. Maybe that's not who he really was. Jenna didn't even hear her phone go off when he called, she was too engulfed in her thoughts.

Then when he came into the apartment she panicked. She hasn't decided yet how she wanted to handle the situation and Max was suddenly there, kneeling next to her, touching her and she couldn't take it. She couldn't handle the deceit and betrayal of being lied to day after day. She had left and never wanted to see him again. He had a lot of things at her place and she, at his. But she couldn't think about that right now, she'd figure out a way to get her things back, but right now she needed to have a conversation with Greg and Amy. Max hadn't been the only one lying to her.

* ***

Max sat at Jenna's kitchen table, it was past 7 o'clock and he couldn't understand where she was. She should be home by now, he thought. He still had a key to her apartment and had let himself in. He needed to talk to her, whether she wanted to or not. He had gotten a call earlier that day from Greg, letting him know Jenna had came by, frantic and very angry. She had demanded an explanation from Greg, and of course Amy had no idea about the lies they had been telling, but luckily she wasn't there and Greg spoke with Jenna alone. After a lot of begging in Greg's part she had agreed to not get Amy involved but was still very upset with Greg.

She had told him how she felt, like she was been used and manipulated and that crushed Max. The last thing Max wanted to do was hurt Jenna. And she was wrong about him, about his feelings, about his intentions. He needed to prove that to her, he needed her to see.

As the day turned dark, so did Jenna's apartment. Max sat in the darkness waiting for her. He didn't want to turn the light on for fear of alarming her, if she saw her light on, she wouldn't come inside. So there he sat, at the table, with nothing to do and nothing to see, just waiting.

Max finally heard the key in the door around 9:30. His body tensed and his nerves rattled him to his core. He had gone over in his brain for hours what he would say to her. Now it was all gone. His brain was like pudding and his legs were like Jell-o as he stood. The door shut and he could hear Jenna moving around in the darkness, he was waiting for the light to come on, but it never did. He saw her figure move across the big window in her living room and head into the bedroom. There, she finally turned on her lamp on the dresser.

Max slowly walked towards the bedroom. Not sure how he should get her attention, he didn't want to frighten her. He didn't want to see her turn and look at him with the same disgust and hurt she had the day before. Couldn't he just stand in the shadows and watch her? She doesn't know I'm here, he thought. He stood in the hall, out of sight watching as Jenna sat down on the foot of her bed. She sighed deeply; she looked so tired.

Max wanted with every bit of his being to go in there and hold her, touch her, kiss her. Make her forget all of this ever happened. He wanted to be inside of her, making her come. He wanted her to tell him she loved him over and over. But he knew that wasn't going to happen, and that's why he stayed in the darkness.

Jenna ran her fingers through her dark hair and hung her head. Her face now covered. She started to shake and Max realized she was crying. Max closed his eyes, his heart burning in guilt. He didn't want to see this. He stepped into her bedroom, but she still didn't see him.

"Jenna?" Max mumbled, quietly. Jenna jumped from the surprise and looked up at him from her bed. She gasped at him and quickly stood up. She stared at him for a few moments, Max couldn't read her expression.

"Get out," She demanded, her voice quiet and weak. She had stopped crying, but sniffed and wiped at her nose. Max stood in her doorway, feeling uncomfortable and awkward. He took a few steps into her room and she backed up; her body visible tensing. "Max, I mean it, get out!" she said, her voice stronger this time.

"Jenna..." Max trailed off; taking another few steps towards her. "Please, let me explain." He begged. He licked his lips, and tried to swallow, his mouth was unbelievably dry.

"I don't want to hear it, I can't." She said, tears filling back up in her eyes. She shook her head at him and looked away, refusing to make eye contact with him.

"Jenna, I love you. I'm not who you think I am."

"Yeah, I realize that," Jenna scoffed, crossing her arms.

"No, that's not what I mean. You think I'm a liar and that I used you, but that's not true. Yes, I did lie about my past. I couldn't tell you I had been in prison. You would've never given me a chance. Would you, a girl like you?" Max shook his head. "I needed to be somebody else, I needed a clean slate, I needed to be good enough...for you. So, yeah, I made up stories about having a family and a normal past and it was stupid, I know that. I wanted to tell you the truth, but I would say one thing and it led to another and it just kind of...snowballed, you know?" Jenna glanced up at him through slits in her eyes. "I didn't mean to lie; I had meant to tell you everything, when the time was right, it just hadn't come yet. And I never used you. I fell in love with you the first day I saw you. I never wanted to hurt you, I never wanted this. I just wanted you."

Max stepped closer to Jenna, and now he was standing right in front of her. He looked down at her, her frame tiny in comparison to him. She was hugging herself and seemed even more fragile and smaller than usual. She looked up at him, but didn't reply. Max took his left hand and placed it on her cheek. She pulled away quickly and walked around him.

"Don't you dare touch me!" he hollered at him. She stood over by her dresser and faced him. "Get out of my apartment. I want you gone. I want my key and I want you gone, now!"

"I see you're going to need some more time before you're ready to talk about this. I understand. I'll give you a few days and I'll come back." Max smiled at Jenna, sadness in his voice and face. He walked out of her room and towards the door.

"Max!" Jenna shouted after him. He turned in the darkness and she flicked on the kitchen light. "I'm serious; I want my keys, now!" She said, waiting. Max stood there for a moment contemplating, but he already knew what he was going to do.

"No," he said flatly.

"What do you mean no?" She asked, surprised.

"I mean no," he answered back casually, turned and walked out.

* * * *

Max let a few days go by and figured it was time to try to talk with Jenna again. It had been horrible not being able to be with her. They hadn't gone a single day apart since they had been together that first night. After the first few nights and the initial shock of the break up wore off, he was just lost. He paced his tiny apartment, tension building in his heart, mind and body. He couldn't sleep and couldn't eat. He needed to see her. It was the weekend and he drove to her house during the day to see if she was home. Her car wasn't in the parking spot so he parked and waited.

He sat for over 4 hours before she finally came home. As she got out of her car, she glanced over at his truck. She knew he was there. 'Good, now she'll know, I mean it. She'll see how desperate and sorry I am. She'll see how much I love her,' Max thought to himself. She ignored him and grabbed the things from her car. It looked like groceries and some bags from Target and the Dollar store as well. She had her arms full with bags and was headed for the door, this was a perfect time. He got out of his truck and walked over to her car; he grabbed the rest of the bags and closed her trunk. He made his way up her walkway to her door and Jenna came out. She looked up at him with disdain, and sighed loudly.

"Max, put my stuff down, you're not coming in." She said through gritted teeth. She crossed her arms and stood in front of her door.

"I'm not putting your stuff down, until I'm inside, sooo...we kind of have a problem." Max replied, smiling at her slyly, trying his best to make the situation light. Jenna stood there for a moment just looking at him. She shook her head and went back inside. Max was sure he heard her mutter, 'fine.'

He came into her place and set the bags down on her kitchen table. She was putting her groceries away and avoided looking at him. Max stood in the kitchen, and then began taking the things out of the bags for her. He kept his eyes on her. She slammed the fridge closed and turned towards him. He was surprised at her face. She had tears running down her cheeks.

"Just stop," she whimpered. Max walked over to her and stood in front of her.

"Jenna..." he started.

"Please Max, please. Just...Stop. Can't you see that you're hurting me? Or do you not even care?" She put her face in her hands and rubbed her temples.

"Of course I care. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, baby. I love you so much, please. I'm just trying to fix this. I just want-"

"You can't fix it, Max. We're not broken, we're just... done. Don't you get it? You lied to me. You were in prison! I don't want to be with you. I don't love you, now get out and don't ever come back." Jenna stared up at him, her jaw clenching tightly. She swallowed hard and Max could tell she didn't mean it.

"You don't mean that," he replied, stepping so close to her she backed up against the fridge. She realized she was trapped.

"Max, stop." She warned him, holding her hand up for him to not come closer. But he did. He grabbed her hand gently and placed it on his cheek. He leaned into it and closed his eyes, pretending that everything was OK. She began to pull her hand away, but he kept it there, his grip firm on her wrist. He knelt down slightly to be at level with her body and pressed his hips into her. His other hand tangled into her hair and he leaned his face into her neck. He breathed her in deeply. "Let me go." Jenna whispered to him. She was breathing heavily. Max wasn't sure if it was because she was afraid or if she was turned on, but he wanted to find out. Jenna had one of Max's favorite dresses on today. It was peach, sleeveless and knee length. He took his hand and ran it up the inside of Jenna's leg. Her body wriggled under his touch. Her hand was still stuck to his face, the other pushing on his shoulder, but he overpowered her by so much.

"Don't you see Jenna, I can't let you go." He breathed at her. "I love you too much." He kissed her cheek and began to rub at her panties with his fingers. He was waiting to hear her moan like she did but instead he heard muffled sobs. He stopped and let her go. He stepped back from her and released her wrist. She pulled back from him and cowered. She didn't look turned on, she looked afraid. She looked absolutely terrified. "Jenna, I didn't mean to...I'm Sorry," Max muttered, feeling horrible at his actions, realizing what he was doing. He was acting like a monster. He turned and walked out of her apartment.

Max's brain was buzzing with torment and guilt. He had frightened her. She would never be his again. He had fucked everything up. He drove around aimlessly and found himself back at the strip club he had visited so many months before. He found a seat and ordered several shots. It took a lot to get him wasted, but he hadn't drank since he had been with Jenna, she didn't drink, so he hadn't either. He was feeling the buzz numb his body.

He wanted his heart numb. He wanted all the thoughts out of his head. He didn't want to remember the way Jenna felt. He didn't want to remember her taste, her touch. He heard her laughter in his head, thinking of her face and how it lit up when she smiled at him. Then he remembered her face when she came. How her eyes would close and her eyebrows furrowed together. She would bite down on her lip and squeeze his body with whatever she had; her legs wrapped around his head, or her hands entangled in his hair. Max began to get hard. He wanted her so bad. But what could he do? She didn't want him back.

"Hey big fella, I remember you," I throaty voice whispered at him. He turned his head slowly to see the girl from before. She sat down at his table and crossed her legs. She smiled at him and left her hand grazing his arm. He looked down at it and pulled away. He looked back down at his drink, it was empty. He called for another, his words slurred. The bartender told him he'd had enough. Max humphed at him and pulled out his wallet to pay and got up to leave. "Going already, sweetheart, I was hoping we could have some fun, like last time?" She stood with him, leaning into his body, her hands trailing his chest. Max looked down at her, seeing glimpses of Jenna in her, like before. His mind buzzed and his stomach knotted. Jenna. His cock stiffened. Jenna.

"Let's go somewhere more private," He mumbled at her, walking towards the door.

"The rooms are back there," she replied, not following.

"I don't mean here," he answered and walked outside. She followed behind him, but stopped.

"Hey, I gotta work honey." She called after him. He turned to her, and held up his wallet.

"I got alotta money. You should come with me," She stood there, contemplating her situation.

"Give me ten," she answered and sauntered back into the sleazy club. Max waited in his car for 15 minutes and she finally came out with her things. She got inside his truck and asked where they were going. He didn't answer. He just drove back to his place. Once he got there, he walked up to his apartment, the girl trailing behind, trying to keep up with him in her massively high heels. He unlocked his door and opened it, leaving the door open for her to come in.

He made his way over to his closet, where he had a few things he wanted. He got them out and laid them on the bed. The stripper came over to him and sat down on his bed. "How much we talking, baby?" She asked, touching his leg.

"500."

"Holy shit, for what?" She asked, standing up for the bed. She was nervous about whatever proposition he was about to give her, but he didn't notice.

"You put these on, where this," he answered pointing to the items on the bed. She looked down, confused. There was a crème cardigan and a floral infinity scarf on the bed, along with a bottle of perfume. He wanted her to wear clothes and perfume for five hundred bucks?

"Ok, what's the catch?" She asked. Pulling the sweater on over her tight, thin, black dress. She sprayed a few squirts of perfume on her neck and wrists. It smelled like flowers. Not really her favorite scent, but it was OK. She finished with the scarf over her head. Not her style at all, it was too...good girl.

"You need to do exactly what I say, do you understand?" Max asked, his voice was cold and hard. This man was creepy, she thought. Something was wrong with him. Problems with a girl, she guessed. Jenna, she had remembered, he had called her Jenna before.

"You want me to be...Jenna?" she asked, checking to see if she was on the right track. He sat on the bed and looked at her. He nodded slowly. "Ok honey, whatever you want,"

"Don't talk like that. She doesn't talk like that. She calls me Max, not sweetheart, not honey, just Max. And her voice is higher, make your voice higher. Now come here," she sat down on the bed next to him and he went over rules and things she needed to say and do. He was meticulous. She wasn't going to remember all of this. What the fuck was wrong with him? Were they even going to do anything tonight? She wondered, it was almost 2 a.m.

He instructed her on how to wear her hair and makeup from now on when she came there. He wanted her to come to his place every night after work this week. In this outfit, with her perfume, talking like her, acting like her. He wanted her to pretend to be his girlfriend. She was supposed to ask him about his day and lie about her day as a school teacher, of all things. He told her how to moan and the things to say when they were going to fuck and where to put her hands and legs when he was eating her pussy. This was bizarre, she thought. Way bizarre, but he promised her money and that's all that mattered to her.

"Turn around," he said to her, when he was done giving her the rundown of his obsession. She stood and turned away from him. She stood waiting. The light turned off in the room and only the moonlight shone in now. Max came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist slowly. He set his head on her shoulder and dug his nose into her neck. He sniffed deeply, letting the smell take him over, letting Jenna fill his mind completely. "Thank you baby, for giving me another chance," Max mumbled into her shoulder.

"Of course," the girl posing as Jenna replied, remembering what Max had insisted she say to him tonight. "I'm your girl, I'll never leave you, I promise. I love you so much, Max." Max growled into her, his hard on growing.

"I love you Jenna, I love you so much." He moved her hair out of the way and licked her neck. She giggled and pulled away, but Max held her strong. His hands pulled her dress up around her waist and he yanked her panties down. His fingers greedily dove into her pussy. She wasn't wet though. He began to rub at her clit slowly, trying to keep the fantasy real. But Jenna was never NOT wet when they were together. This was ruining it for him. Max sighed, frustrated and decided to change positions.