My Secret Lover

I have a secret.

Now, a secret can be a thrill, or it can be a burden. It's a burden if you can't tell anyone at all, you know? It's just a weight you carry alone.

I have a secret, and I'm tired of it being more of a burden than a thrill.

Would you like to hear it? I think it would be exciting to finally tell someone!

Okay, good! Here goes.

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My secret is, I have a lover. A lover I probably shouldn't have. No, a lover I *definitely* shouldn't have, and I can't tell anyone I know!

But wait. Let me start at the beginning.

It all started at my best friend Kate's 18th birthday party. It was a pretty wild party, with lots to drink. As the night was winding down, Kate started getting all emotional, and not in a good way. She asked me to stay the night with her, so after everyone else left, we went up to her room.

I was pretty drunk too, but nothing like Kate. She was getting weepy and weird.

To make it even worse, we could hear her parents fighting in the other room. Or, to be more precise, we could hear her mom yelling at her dad. It was horrible. She was screaming at him, telling him how he was no kind of man at all. She called him names, and it was pretty clear they were having trouble in the bedroom. She was yelling how he used to at least be good for a fuck, and now Mr Limp-Dick wasn't even good for that. I was so embarrassed to be hearing their fight, and poor Kate was just sobbing on the bed. Finally, we heard her mom say she was going to go get some real dick, and then the door slammed, and the house was quiet.

Kate couldn't stop crying, and she was trying to talk, but she was blubbering and all I understood was that her parents have been fighting a lot, and she was scared they'd split up. I couldn't believe they were fighting like this on her birthday! She was sobbing so hard, snot was running down her face, and drool was dripping down her chin. She's usually such a beautiful girl, but she just looked wrecked. It broke my heart, and I tried to calm her down and get her into bed.

I guess her dad heard her and figured out what she was crying about, because he knocked on her door. He poked his head in, and had barely gotten three words out before Kate said she was gonna be sick, and bolted for the bathroom.

Her dad and I helped get her cleaned up. We got soaked showering her off, but eventually Kate was clean and tooth-brushed and mouth-washed, propped up on pillows in her bed.

Now, you should know, I have been friends with Kate since we were little, and it seems like I've spent about as much time at her house as I have at mine. Her parents are almost like my parents, except older. And nicer, in the case of her dad, at least. He is one of the sweetest people I ever met, and I always kinda wished he was my dad. Her mom has never been mean, exactly - at least, not to me - but she's kind of prickly, I guess. Not a teddy bear like her dad. It really upset me to hear her yelling at him that way. I'd never heard her act like that. It's like she went off the deep end.

Anyway, Kate's dad was apologizing to both of us, and his poor face was so sad and ashamed.

"I'm sorry you had to hear all that. I'm sure it was awful. I mean, who wants to hear about their Dad's ED, right?? Sorry, honey."

That's another endearing thing about Kate's father. He is embarrassingly frank about everything.

Anyway, he went on downstairs and I got Kate tucked in. I took off my damp clothes and crawled in beside her. She rolled over, draping herself over me.

"I love you," she said into my neck, her breath warm. "Thank you for taking care of me when my parents suck."

And then she started kissing my neck.

"What are you doing, Kate?" I asked, giggling a little because it tickled.

Then she kissed my mouth. And I kissed her back.

"Don't you think you should sleep?" I managed, when we eventually broke the kiss. I was breathing fast.

"Noooooooooo, Calista" she whined softly. "I want us to make love. For my birthday!" she added, almost as an afterthought. Her whining can be annoying, but tonight it was sweet.

I responded by pushing her gently over onto her back, propping myself on an elbow, and leaning down to kiss her.

"Are you sure?" I asked softly.

"Please? For my birthday? I need you to love me."

"Ohhh, my Katie-cat, you know I love you."

I kissed her again, and peeled her nighty up over her head.

My hand slid down her smooth tummy and I kissed her. I kissed her mouth, then her neck, and then I moved down to suckle her breasts. Such pretty, full breasts, much bigger than mine, with tiny pink nipples. She moaned and my hand moved between her legs.

And at some point, while I was sucking her nipples and fingering her, she fell asleep. I didn't realize it until her breathing changed, and she started snoring quietly.

Oh well. So much for that!

Wait a minute - you didn't think Kate was my secret lover, did you? Sorry! Nonono. I wouldn't need to keep that a secret, would I? No, Kate isn't who this story is about at all. But I'll get to that, soon enough.

With Kate finally passed out, I tried to sleep, but I was a little restless. And thirsty. So I headed downstairs to find something to drink.

I jumped when a voice from the semi-darkness said "Calista! What are you still doing up?"

"Oh my god! Mr. E! You scared me!" I scrambled to grab a throw from the chair to cover myself.

Kate's dad apologised for scaring me, and said he was just sitting and thinking because he couldn't sleep.

"Me neither. I was just gonna get some tea. Want some?"

When I finished in the kitchen, I took the tea back out and sat on the other end of the sofa. I was glad for Mr. E's company, but I felt a little self-conscious and pulled the throw closer around me. Like I said, he was almost like my own dad, and he's occasionally seen me without clothes through the years, but I still felt hyper-aware that I was sitting on the couch with him, alone and naked, more or less.

"Sorry, my clothes are still wet," I said.

"Don't worry about it, honey," he said kindly. "I'm just sorry about earlier. I guess we ruined Kate's birthday..."

"She'll be okay. She's asleep now, but she's worried about you and Mrs. E. She's afraid you'll split up."

He laughed softly, a terribly sad sound. I felt my heart break a little for him.

"Well, we probably should have divorced years ago, but we never will. And now that I have this... problem," he said, "she's more unhappy than ever. But the fact is, we'll never split up. Despite the troubles we have, neither of us want that."

That just seemed weird to me, and I said so. We talked for quite a while as we drank our tea. My curiosity grew about his "problem," as he put it. I finally got up the nerve to ask about it.

"So, what exactly happens? I mean, does it just not get hard, or can't you feel it, or what? Is it that you don't feel... excited? Or things just don't happen even though you're excited? I hear about erectile dysfunction all over the place, but I don't know what it means, really..."

Mr. E, true to his unfiltered self, said, "Yeah, well, I just don't get hard like I used to, even if I am turned on. And when I do get aroused, it isn't like it used to be. Not as hard, or as big. And it doesn't last."

I had asked, and I was curious, to be sure, but I felt my face flush, just the same. Good ol' Mr. E!

"I'm sorry, Mr. E. I bet that is hard. Errrrrr, frustrating!!" I added, embarrassed at my faux pas. Wanting to move on, I continued, "Isn't there medicine to help with that?"

He told me how there was medicine, yes. And his doc said nothing else was wrong with him, so the medicine would probably help.

"But I'll tell you," he said, suddenly upset, "I don't want to take the medicine. Not for her!" For the first time, he sounded more angry than sad. "She's made me feel so bad about this, like it's something I am doing to her, rather than something that is happening to me, or to us!"

"Why?" I blurted. "I don't understand."

We sat in silence for a moment before he continued, "I'm sorry sweetie, I shouldn't be saying this stuff to you, but..." He fell silent again, and I thought he had decided not to talk after all, but then he confessed, "...when I started having trouble with E.D. Rosa wasn't very supportive. She just made fun of me and ridiculed me. She said I was only doing it so I wouldn't have to have sex with her anymore. That hurt, but it also made me mad. And it just drove a huge wedge between us when it comes to sex. Instead of us, it's her against me. I don't think we'll ever get past it, unless she stops blaming me and tries to help me."

He breathed a heavy sigh, and this time he didn't break the thread of silence that stretched out between us.

I found myself angry on his behalf, and I said so. "Why don't you leave, if she doesn't care about you anyway?" I asked, all naive righteousness. "Kick her ass out!"

Even as I said it, I knew Kate would hate me for suggesting such a thing. She was their only child, born late in their marriage, and she loved both her parents enormously.

Mr. E said it was too complicated to explain. He said he understood my anger, but at his point in life, he had to consider a lot of things besides his sexual happiness. He had to consider Kate, above all else.

"Isn't there anything you can do??" I asked.

He chuckled softly. "Well, I can still masturbate," he said sheepishly. "That works well enough, even if I'm not all the way hard."

"That's not fair!" I said, indignant and embarrassed. "She's out with some man right now, isn't she??"

"Yeah, but it's OK, Calista. She'll be back tomorrow. And she's a good mom..."

I don't know what came over me - maybe the alcohol, maybe the fact that I was still a bit aroused from kissing Kate, maybe just caring for Mr. E - but I suddenly said, "What about me? What about me, Mr. E?"

He looked totally confused. "What do you mean, Calista? What about you? This doesn't have anything to do with you? That's not why she's gone, you know..."

Embarrassed, I realized he had no idea what I was getting at.

"Nono, but, but... maybe I could help, Mr E? I mean, with your, umm, problem? What if I could help? No one would have to know."

The usually unflappable Mr. E turned red enough that, even in the dim light, I could see it.

"Oh! Well, honey, that's... you know, I... that's really sweet, but, you know... we can't..."

In a surge of boldness, I moved to the floor and nestled between his legs. I let the throw drop to the floor and knelt there naked, my heart pounding.

"Please let me try!" I pleaded, and not waiting for an answer, I tugged down the elastic of his PJ bottoms and took his cock in my hand. Even soft, it didn't look that small to me. "Let me make you feel good," I whispered, and took him in my mouth.

He let out a shuddering sigh and moaned, "No, sweetie, you shouldn't..." He didn't try to stop me, though, and soon I felt his gentle but strong hand stroking my thick black hair.

In my mind, I was a storm of emotions. The forbidden nature of it, the risk of it, and the strange intimacy of it were all powerful triggers, exciting and arousing me.

After sucking for a while, another emotion creeped in. I felt a little disappointed that he wasn't getting really hard. I don't know what I felt, exactly. I wasn't mad or disappointed with him, at all. I think it was just ego. Somewhere inside I thought, surely a hot teen can get him up! Maybe I'm not that hot, or not that good...

My thoughts were interrupted by Mr. E's voice. "Don't worry about it, Calista. It never gets all the way hard any more..."

I looked up at him, embarrassed at the idea my thoughts might be so transparent to him. "I'm sorry. I thought I could... well, you know. Stupid of me. Do you want me to stop?"

"That's up to you, sweetie. It feels amazing, and..." he hesitated, seeming reluctant to say what he said next. "...and you look incredibly sexy! But if the goal is just to make me hard, I don't think it's gonna work, honey."

I thought for a second, and said, "But, it feels good, though?" He nodded enthusiastically. "Well, I like making you feel good," I smiled, and then started sucking him again.

When I stopped worrying about making him hard, and just focused on his obvious pleasure, I found I loved the sensations! He was so vulnerable, yet so kind and dignified, and somehow sexy. Like I said, his cock was pretty big, even when it was only partly hard, and it had a firm, spongy feel. It wasn't totally soft all the time, and I kind of experimented with ways to suck and jerk him. Don't ask how a teen found an unremarkable 60-year-old with a semi-flaccid cock sexy, but I did. Maybe it was just because I already liked him and I find him to be a sweet man. It made me wet to be kneeling between his legs, sucking him, enjoying his responses. I just loved making him feel good!

Suddenly, I felt him get a bit harder in my mouth, and he moaned, "Oh my god, Calista, you're gonna make me cum!!" And he did cum! He flooded my mouth with hot, thick semen. I'd had a couple of boyfriends since turning 18, but I'd never sucked either of them til they came. Some of my friends told me it was gross, so I avoided it. Besides, neither of them could wait to get to my pussy, anyway! But I happily sucked every drop from Mr. E, and swallowed it all. It hardly had any taste at all, and I wondered why my friends made a big deal out of it. I was so excited I could have cum from the slightest stimulation, myself!

I felt a stab of meanness toward Mrs. E, too. In my mind I was thinking, "Bet you couldn't do THAT, you selfish bitch!" And then I immediately felt guilty for thinking it.

Anyway, that was the start of it. That's how I got my secret lover. It's been going on for quite a while now, too. The first couple of months, we got together occasionally, and I would suck him off, and that was it. I always initiated it. And to be honest, sometimes he didn't cum or anything. I'd just suck him a while, and then he'd say that was enough for now. At first, I felt like I was letting him down, but he was always so happy that it stopped bothering me.

Then, one day, he asked if he couldn't do something for me too. He thought it was unfair for him to get all the pleasure. I told him I didn't mind, and it was true. I would have kept doing it as long as he wanted, without needing anything in return. But he said he'd really like it if he could "do me" for a change, so I let him.

And OMG! He used his hands and his mouth, and he made me feel absolutely worshipped! And my god, did he make me cum, over and over! None of my boyfriends have ever made me orgasm. It was amazing, and it made me love pleasing him even more. Then one day he surprised me by bringing home some "magic pills," as he called them. And they worked pretty damned well! Finally, we could actually fuck if we wanted. He was the same kind of lover with his big cock as he was with his hands and mouth - attentive, loving, considerate, even worshipful! Funny thing, though - we ended up not using the pills very much. We both liked sex without them just as much as with them.

Kate's Dad and I have been doing this for a few years now. We meet whenever we can, but we keep everything a secret. No phone calls or texts, ever. We just arrange things when I'm visiting Kate, just to avoid a trail. Like I said, there is no one we could possibly tell. Kate would hate me if I broke up her parents, understandably, and she'd probably just feel weird about me doing her Dad. Speaking of Kate, she and I hook up occasionally, too. Mr E knows and doesn't mind. I've also had two boyfriends since we started this. They've both known about Kate and I playing together occasionally, and that doesn't bother them, My relationship with Mr. E is the only thing I kept from either of them. So, the secret weighs on me.

Now, I have to admit there are times when the secret, taboo aspect of our relationship isn't a burden at all! I'm not gonna lie - one time, I sucked off Mr. E, and then went right upstairs and made love with Kate! I felt so naughty! Kissing her with the taste of her dad's cum in my mouth had my heart pounding! And there have been a few other times, too - close calls, or certain situations like when I've slipped away from my boyfriend to be with Mr. E - where it is just a thrill! So, it wouldn't be fair to say having a secret always sucks. It's just hard.

You may think I'm awful, or some kind of slut, but I don't really care about that. You may even be right, but I'm fine with it, as long as no one gets hurt. I'm very up front about everything except this one thing, my one secret, and I'm very careful about it. My secret lover.

Anyway, now you know! I'm sure you won't tell, though...