My Ride

In the Beginning Ch 03

On to Phoenix I rode. I took the same route that Sweetness and I took down to Las Cruces. Instead of taking I-25 up to Hatch, I decided to take SH-185 that runs parallel to I-25 then SH-187 up to Caballo. Riding over to Santa Clara on SH-152 catching US-180 to SH-211 to detour through Gila then back out to US-180 and past Buckhorn and then west on SH-78 into Arizona where it became Az. SH-78. SH-78 intersects with US-191 then down to US-70 to Globe, Az. where I caught US-60 into Mesa, then up US-87 north to Fort McDowell Casino.

I really don't know why I explained my total route from Roswell to Phoenix but I ain't deleting it.

I found a barber shop in Mesa and got a haircut and a straight shave.

I got a room at the Wekopa Resort for a week. I got extremely lucky because there was a small convention or something going on this week at the resort starting Tuesday. After being told they were booked up, a cancellation came in as I was still standing at the counter and thinking about where to get a room. I'd been staying in my tent and sleeping bag for the last few nights and needed some comfort......and a shower.

I made a lot of stops along the way. It took me seven days to make the trip. It was late afternoon on a Saturday.

I unloaded my stuff for the bellman to take it to my room. The valet looked at me like I was nuts when I tossed him the key to the bike and told him, "I know the mileage, no funny stuff." Then walked over and took a valet ticket from his hand.

"I don't ride motorcycles," he said.

"Figure it out or get someone else to park it. Just don't scratch it," I said with a raised voice as I followed the bellman away.

After I showered I took a much needed nap. I woke up at about 9:15PM. "Ah, that's much better and at just the right time. I jumped in the shower again and cleaned some more dirt and grime off of my body, got dressed and headed to the casino.

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I found a blackjack table with an empty seat, got $4000 in chips and bet $100. The dealer yelled at the pit boss about me getting a lot of chips and betting big.

"Blackjack" said the dealer as he paid my $150 winnings.

"I like starting out with your money," I replied.

About ten or so hands in, the guy sitting next to me left. A few minutes later a woman sat beside me. I noticed out of the corner of my eye but didn't look up. She was making minimum bets.

She hadn't said a single word, but I feel something strange about this woman. A familiarity or something. I don't really know what it is. She's putting off something strange yet familiar. Now I'm almost afraid to look at her for some odd reason.

I played a couple more hands and she leaned over and whispered, "Three hundred for an hour, a thousand for the night."

The dealer must have heard and yelled something to the pit boss I didn't make out as I looked up at her.

"Holy shit," I said.

She gasped very hard with her mouth wide open and covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh, no. Fuck," she exclaimed as she shot from the chair and was going to run but slipped and fell.

I grabbed her hand and she yelled, "LET GO OF ME!!!" and started crying not even attempting to get up to leave. She was sobbing uncontrollably with her face in her hands.

"Darlene, what are you doing here?" I asked.

Just then security came and said, "Ma'am, are you ok?"

"No, I'm not! Get this creep away from me!"

"Darlene, look at me."

"Sir, do you know this woman?"

"Yes, she was almost my wife."

"Sir, she can't stay. We have a policy about hoo.....well ....you know what I mean."

"Yes, I know what you mean. I'll get her out of here. Please, just leave her with me. She won't be any more trouble."

"Ok. We'll have to keep an eye on her, so make sure she isn't."

"I'll do my best. Thank you."

"What the hell is going on, Darlene? Talk to me." I helped her up and hugged her tight as she struggled to get free. She finally relented and just started crying with her head on my shoulder.

"I could use a drink," she said very sheepishly. "A tall one with lots of alcohol."

I grabbed my chips and we headed for the bar. I ordered drinks for both of us.

"I didn't recognize you from behind, not until you looked at me with those ice blue eyes. What did you mean when you said I was almost your wife?"

"The day I came home early and caught you and my 'BEST FUCKING FRIEND', it was to tell you that we were going to spend the weekend in San Antonio and I was going to propose that night after we got there."

Tears were forming in her eyes again. She finally looked up at me and said, "I'm so sorry, James. I never saw you until I heard the door slam. I had to beat David off of me and looked out the window to see you drive off. Nobody even knew where you were for a week after that. Not even your parents knew where you were. Where did you go?"

"It really doesn't matter now, does it? It was all hazy to me and I remember very little of that 9 days. The one thing I do remember very well is putting my pistol in my mouth a thousand times. I was drunk the whole time. I loved you so damned much, Darlene. A part of me died that day."

"I put a gun to my head several times myself. I even jumped from the top of a hotel once. Just as my feet were leaving the ledge a hand grabbed my belt and jerked me back to the rooftop. A judge forced me to spend some time in an institution after that.

"I knew you had to come back to the house. All of your clothes were there. Everything you owned was there. You had to come back. I took off work that whole week so I would be there when you came back. I even parked my car at Julia's house so you wouldn't think I was there. You never did.

"Your parents showed up one day with some of your friends. They took all your stuff and said that you were done. You never wanted to lay eyes on me again. They also said that if you ever saw David, you were going to kill him without saying a word to him. If I was with him you were going to kill me, too. A month later I came home from work to find an eviction notice on the door. That's when I really realized it was over. I had destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to me in my life.

"Then your house went up for sale. A month later I posed as a buyer and saw that all the furniture was still there along with every picture of me, turned face down. The real estate agent said it all went with the house. She was instructed to tell buyers that it's not part of the price and it was theirs to do with as they wanted. Use it or get rid of it, the seller didn't want it any more.

"Will you at least let me explain?" she pleaded.

"Not about you and David, no. But explain to me about the circumstances you're in right now. Are you a hooker? What you said to me in there, of course you are. Why? Why are you doing this? You don't need to do this. You're still a very attractive woman, and you're smart, at least smart enough to survive without doing this. What happened to you? Is it drugs?"

"I'm not on drugs. You happened to me, James? You happened to me. I never forgave myself for what I did to you, to us. I knew you loved me, James, and I truly loved you with all my heart and soul. I started even questioning my sanity after that. I saw a shrink for almost a year and still have no answers as to why I did what I did. I've thought about it literally everyday since you left. The first thing I see every time I wake up is you driving off. The mini-blinds are even there. My hand holding them open. Even still to this very day. It wasn't worth it. I should have just let David tell you. No, I should have told you myself."

"Tell me what, Darlene? Tell me that you were in love with my best friend, tell me that you were fucking him? What could you have said to make me feel better about you fucking him? 'Oh, by the way, James, I'm fucking David. You don't mind do you?' Yeah, that would have put my mind at ease about it."

"James, please. That's not how it was, not even close. I never loved David. After it happened it was quite the opposite. I hated him, even before you caught us."

"Wow, you hated him but you were fucking him. That's rich, Darlene, really fucking rich."

"Will you let me explain, please?"

"Ok, shoot. Tell me the lies with all the strained facial expressions and tears that you've had thirty years to practice and perfect. Go ahead, start the show. Should I ask the manager to hit you with a spotlight? Maybe we could use a stage. I'm sure they have one here somewhere. Hey, I know, we could wait a few days, do some promotions and sell tickets. This should be a really great performance. Hollywood will be beating down your door."

"You've got every right to be cynical and I can't say I wouldn't be the same way if the roles were reversed. But, James, you should at least give me a chance to explain. I think you owe me that much."

"Owe you. I owe you?!" I queried. "I don't owe you a damned thing. Maybe you think you owe me your explanation, but you don't owe me anything either and on top of that, I don't want or need one. What I saw that day was explanation enough. You were fucking my best friend. That's all I need."

"Yes, I was fucking David, or rather he was fucking me. Don't you at least have a question lingering in your mind about why he betrayed your trust? Ok, why we betrayed your trust?"

"Not really. Just the fact that it was done is knowing enough."

"Don't you ever think about me at all? Ever wonder how it could have been? I certainly do, everyday as soon as I wake up."

"Yes, occasionally. Usually when somebody brings you into the conversation. I don't have contact with anyone that knew about you so it's been a good long while. When I say good, I mean it's good not to think about you. You are the only one I've ever loved, Darlene, and it still hurts a little to think about what you two stole from me. Yes, even after thirty years."

"I wish you had just killed both of us, at least beat the shit out of us. Maybe that would have tempered you down enough and we could have had those things."

"You just don't see it, do you. It would have never been the same, Darlene. It could never have been the same as it was before. The trust I had in you died that day. You murdered it just as if you put a gun to it's head and pulled the trigger. I can't believe you don't see that."

"I could have regained your trust, James. I know I could."

"No, Darlene, you could never have regained the trust. Not total trust. We would have been miserable. Me wondering if you were where you said you would be. Wondering if you were with David or even some other guy. It wouldn't and couldn't have ever been the same. Not ever."

"You're afraid you'll believe me, aren't you?"

"It doesn't matter if I would believe you or not. I'm not the same person and neither are you."

We were both silent for a few moments. She broke that silence, "I know where you live," she said and paused. My jaw dropped. "Just outside College Station. I know all about you, James. I know about your trucking company. I've even driven past a few times, but I never had the guts to stop. Not when you were there anyway. I actually saw you as you were leaving once and you left the gate open. I pulled in praying no one I knew was there. I looked around a bit. The only ones there were some guys putting in your pool.

"I started to leave you a note but decided against it. I go to College Station every now and then just hoping to get a glimpse of you. Sometimes I stay for days. You don't go to town much I guess. I've only seen you a couple times since then. I couldn't force myself to say anything to you as bad as I wanted to.

"I cashed out my 401K, my IRA and my savings account and spent every dime trying to find you. I never did. Then eight years later, I was in College Station and I saw you. I thought my heart was going to explode. I followed you but lost you before you went home but I had a license plate number. That's how I found you and I've kept track of you ever since as best I could. I still love you, James. I'm still in love with you. I could never find someone that was, well, you. I've searched. He's just not there."

"Wow. Wow. I can't believe you went through all that. I'm impressed, but I still do not want you in my life in any way. I'm sorry, but I won't allow it, I can't allow it."

"James, I'm going to start telling you what happened between me and David. You can stay and listen or you can walk away. I don't care which, but I hope you'll stay."

She just stared at me. I stared back.

David had called me a few weeks after and told me what happened. I'm still not sure it was true. I thought maybe he was lying to help her get me back. I didn't want to hear what she had to say because it would make no difference, but for some reason I couldn't leave. I'm sure it was because I wanted to know how close their stories were to each other.

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"Do you remember the weekend you went to the Cotton Bowl game and me and my friends went out the day you left?"

"Yes. I didn't really want to go because I'm not really that hung up on football. John had four tickets and David was broke, as usual. They talked me into going so the last ticket wouldn't be wasted."

"Well, David showed up that night at the bar and sat with us a while. He was hitting on Deanna pretty hard. She was married and was very disgusted with it all. She, Linda and Martie left and it was just David, Julia and myself. He started hitting on Julia until she had enough and left as well.

"A few minutes later I went to the restroom and a few minutes after I returned and had finished my drink, it was time for me to go. The last thing I remember is trying to stand and the lights went out. I passed out cold.

"The next thing I knew I woke up in David's bed with him looking at me smiling and I had one hell of a hangover. You know I don't get hungover, James. No matter how much I drink. I was naked. I freaked out pretty bad. I jumped out of bed and grabbed something to cover myself. 'What the hell is going on, David?' I screamed at him. 'What the hell am I doing here?'

"He just smiled bigger and said, 'We had one hell of a fuck last night. Don't tell me you don't remember. Of course you do.' I didn't argue with him long. I got dressed and was gone.

"Getting dressed I realized that I had his cum all over my belly and breasts and I'm sure inside me and I don't know where else. I cried all the way home. 'What have I done?' I kept asking myself. I showered so long the hot water ran out completely and the last of it was pretty cold. I must have been in there an hour. After a few hours I showered again. I douched three times. It felt like I couldn't get him off of me or out of me. I showered every few hours until you came home."

"That's why you were acting weird for two or three weeks after I got back from that game," I said.

"You know, he acted like it was a romp that the two of us had. He acted like it was the two of us, like we were now lovers. He would ask me when we were going to do it again. Even with you just a few feet away he would walk up behind me and whisper things to me. I grew to hate him. But he was your best friend as far as you knew. I felt like I was kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place in the ground. If I told you, you could very well blame me. If I didn't, there was the fear that you would find out. I would lean one way then the other. It was driving me fucking crazy.

"He showed up that day out of the blue. I didn't know he was coming over. He said he was ready for 'another go' as he put it. I told him to get the fuck out. He wouldn't leave. He pushed his way in the house. He said he would tell you about us.

"I said that he didn't have any proof. He said if he mentioned that I have two little beauty marks right next to my clit you would believe him. I was stunned. You would believe him then and I knew it. I couldn't think straight. I was lost looking for answers and there were none.

"I told him ok, but if he didn't leave me alone after this that I would put a bullet through his fucking head the next time he even looked at me the wrong way. He just gave me a possum eating shit grin and started taking off his clothes and said, 'Deal'

"I took off my pants and laid on the bed and spread my legs and that's all I did. He told me to get naked or the deal was off. I sat up and took off my shirt and bra. When he went in me I started crying.

"A few minutes later I heard the door slam. It was you leaving and I knew you had seen us. I started trying to get him off me and he just kept humping me. He finally fell off to the side and I heard your car start. I looked out the window just in time to see you headed off.

"He had the balls to tell me to let him finish. I got the pistol out of the nightstand and told him to leave or I'd put one right through his fucking head. I made him leave without his clothes. He was naked when he left.

"That's what I see every time I wake up. You headed down the street in that old '62 Corvette you were restoring that your dad had bought new and had given to you. You said you'd never sell it, that you were going to drive it to the pearly gates."

"I sold that piece of shit," I said.

"I know. That was the car we were in on our first date, before your dad gave it to you. That was the car we drove to Sheldon Reservoir in the first time we made love when we went on a picnic, just the two of us.

"I know. That's why I sold it. Too many bad memories."

"Bad memories?"

"It reminded me too much of you and David. He helped me with a lot of it. I remember you helped me put the new motor in it because he wasn't around.

"Remember, Darlene, I lost you both that day. The woman I loved and a man I loved like a brother. I would have died for either of you. Now I want to kill him. You I'm still not sure what I want to do to you. I don't think I have it in me to hurt you but I truly do want to.

"My dad was really pissed at me for a long time over that. I think of all the crap I did as a teenager, and that's the only thing he never really forgave me for. He said he did, but I know he didn't. Not really."

"I bought that car, James. I had to borrow some of the money from my parents to do it, but I still have it. If you want it back now, you can have it. I know it meant a lot to you. I wouldn't even drive it on the road. I had a wrecker deliver it to a climate controlled storage and it's been sitting there all this time. I go by when I go home and drive it around the storage lot for a few minutes, put it back in its box then turn it off and leave. It's like a ritual with me now."

"It still runs after all this time?"

"Yes. I've had to change the battery a few times, changed the oil quite a few times and drain the gas and add fresh to it, but yeah, it's still going strong. I had a wrecker take it to Discount Tire a couple of years ago to put new tires on it because they were dry rotted pretty bad."

"Wow, I guess you were listening when us guys would talk about how to take care of old cars that sit for a long time. Amazing. I don't want it back, Darlene. It's yours now."

"Do you believe me, James? I want an honest answer. Do you believe me?"

"It doesn't matter if I believe you."

"It matters to me. I'll leave here a lot happier if you believe me."

"David called me about a month after all this went down. How he got my new number I don't know. He didn't even have the guts to come talk to me. Maybe he was scared to. It's a good thing he was. The first thing he said when I answered was, 'Please don't hang up, James. Please don't.' I didn't hang up but didn't say a word.

"He told me pretty much the same thing you did. He put a drug in your drink while you were in the restroom. He apologized and wanted my forgiveness. I told him the same thing my parents told you. That I would kill him if I ever saw him again and that if you were with him, I'd kill you, too. That's all I said to him, not one more word. Then I hung up. He left town shortly after that to parts unknown. I didn't look for him.