My Neighbour 'er Name Is Alice.

For those who do not know a zimmer is a walking frame to aid the lame.

For a while after Molly, I borrowed a brigade of Beefeaters off the Queen to stand guard over my bones and to tell me when Molly's car came through the gate. So, successfully I was able to take on the mantle of the Artful Dodger.

On my almost daily sojourns to Alice, I gave her three bells on the phone and if it was Molly-Clear I zimmered round there at the speed of sound. It was amazing the change in her. Always a big grin and she counter-zimmered into my arms on sight. Of course John Thomas was always pleased to see, feel and wriggle its way into her. She always welcomed him with open legs.

On this bright sunny June day she told me that Molly had mentioned our anal-intimacy to her. She looked at me as though expecting rebuke when she said it. I smiled, shifting John Thomas to a more comfortable place along my thigh, and replied with an embarrassed gulp!

'So much for secrets! She told me you and the Tenant Farmer used to do it a lot. 'He' who Molly keeps in residence on her farmstead has never had the courage or the rampant desire to do it to her.'

'Yes, my Reggie was a horny badger if he caught me bending, and I used to bend over a lot. It first happened to me in a field of kale. In those days we used to weed by hand. Just me and him, it was. He was always tapping me up, fingering my pussy. We were not married then. Didn't know what condoms was. Then, there was this day, he was more rampant than usual and I ended up flat on me belly in the amongst the kale rows. My nostrils digging a furrow in the soil. A disturbed very irate worm came up from its subterranean depths, glared at me with angry eyes and wriggled away, to my relief. I have never had the joy of a worm up my nose in a kale field before. Has anyone found out if worms screw them selves? Having incest with ones upper half or if one half happens to be a 'bottom' if you get the gist?!

Anyway, getting back to he who is trying to penetrate! He told me I couldn't have no babbie if he put it up my arse. By this time he had wrestled my knickers down to my knees and when he said he was going to put it up my arse. I got up to scarper and fell ass-over-tit, I did. Well. over my knickers which were by that time interlocking my ankles. He pounced on me and got a wee bottle of olive oil out of his pocket. And he told me to rub it on his cock. He made me tell him why I was putting oil on his cock. When I said to stop it squeaking? He pinched my nipple through my jersey. Never wore a bra then. Didn't think myself posh enough. (sniff!)

He made me spell out all the naughty words to him, you know, words you would only want to use in a kale-field.

Normally, I never wore knickers, I only wore them to tease Reggie. Quite often I would flip up the back of my skirt and show him my knickers and he would chase me into the barn or an outside loo. He wanted to put it in me, but I would not let him until we were married. I used to play with his cock and make it cum all over. I would let him frig me if his hands were clean. He used to moan at that, saying my pussy was a lot more smelly than his hands. The cheek of the young man. Well, he was a young man then!'

Alice paused for an asthmatic breath and went on:

'Anyway he finally got his big dick into my bum out there in the kale field. It was our first fuck. It was sore at first, but I quickly got to like it. I think it was because I was as desperate as him to have his cock in me. Started to happen a lot then. Mainly in the hay loft. The more we had it, the more I liked it. Of course Reggie was all over me like a blooming measles rash.

Even after we were married we carried on doing it and decided to only do it the other way when we wanted to have a kid.'

'There is no way you can have kids now Alice, my love!'

'I know, but there is no way you are going to get away with not putting your cock up my ass, Terry. Not now, not after you have already got it up my Daughter. She's got a friend, called Freda, if she tells her, you will be for it! You think my Molly is big! You wait until you try and swing your leg over Freda! You will need Mountain Rescue teams standing by. She has never been married. Ain't a man on Earth brave enough! I told her I would put in the hat for her to go to Mars. She just laughed and the wind out of her mouth blew my best vase off the mantelshelf. I was cross. It was my Mums. They gave it to her for knitting the most scarf's and socks for the army during the last war, they did!'

'She sounds like a really big red hot Mamma! Freda, I mean, not your Mom.'

'She used to go out with this all-in-wrestler. Man-mountain he was. Every time he fucked her, he used to put her into a full-nelson wrestling hold so that he wouldn't fall off her and break something.'

'Think I am going to move out.'

'Freda asked one guy for sex and he asked her if she was insured? He was afraid she would flatten him. When she said no, he told her consummation was a, No-No! He was a great bike rider. He got on it! By the way! I have restocked with KY Jelly and Vaseline, Terry, come upstairs and I will show it to you. One of the KY tubes is just dying to have its cap twisted off and its nozzle fitted so that it can be slid into something warm and receptive.' I looked at her over the top of my spectacles.

'You are turning into an old tart, Alice. That feels nice! You have a way with John Thomas. Mmmmmmm!

'I can't wait to have you slide him into my bum.'

'Did you manage to get the chair-lift fixed? I don't want to be trapped up there if Molly comes. I don't like the idea of us being upstairs and she downstairs in charge of the electric mains switch which is down here, Alice. It took me three weeks to get over our last meeting with your Molly! As for that Freda woman - already - I have palpitations!'

'Freda cannot get here unless Molly brings her in the car and I don't think she will risk Freda in the car just now as it is due it's Ministry of Transport Road Serviceability Test. Molly keeps going on about last time Freda was in her car, she farted into the upholstery and nothing will shift the brown stain she left behind, from her behind - I think they fell out over it. It has been like the war of the Trojans ever since.'

Pausing for another lung filling breath, she went on, 'The last time they fell out, Freda was arrested by the police and they had to get a gorilla cage from the local circus to put her in to get her to the police-station. One guy had the nerve to say she was fat! She hit him and they tried to put her in one of the cells for the night only they could not get her in. What scared them most was if they got her in and they fed her, they would never get her out again. So, they released her. That wasn't the end of the story, Terry! When they took the cage back to the circus, the circus owner wanted to know where Freda lived so that he could sign her up as she was a much bigger attraction than his gorillas. He also wanted a mate for a male gorilla who was pining for a mate. The gorilla had already fucked two of the male keepers and he was scared the hornery thing would go gay!'

'Blimey! Alice! I don't know, about Freda! You should be on the London Palladium with the stories you tell! If you weren't occupied pulling my cock I would have thought you were pulling my leg, Girl!'

'Think we will have to help each other to the chair-lift.'

'Yeah! You go first, Alice.' She did laugh! She faced me with her legs open all the way up to the top landing. Brazened hussy. I had no idea she wasn't wearing her knickers. By the time I struggled up there on my own, she was naked, sitting on the loo. Using a ball-douche up her bum. Door wide open for all to see!

'You want a go at this, Terry? It's nice! My Reggie loved it up his bum! He bought me a strap-on. You want to see it?'

'No, thanks, Alice. I have a douche round home, I use it twice a day, everyday, three times on Sundays. As for the strap-on, guess you would be better at it than that there gorilla you were on about!'

''Ask a silly question, should of known you would joke about it.'

She did not seem at all embarrassed that I was looking at her, even at her age there was great beauty to be seen. She had suffered a dislocated femur a few months back and had suffered with leg ulcers for years and since the operation they had miraculously cleared up. Now her legs look quite young, her bum muscles were still firm and there were no wrinkles or skin sag as you would expect to see in a woman her age. Her breasts were 34c and there was very little breast sag either. She often lifts them in her hands so I can lick and suck them. She is quite proud to offer them to me. So she should be. As a farmers wife she has had a hard life working to all hours, seven days a week. Now she was blossoming into a lovely geriatric! Every time I look at her and I feel soft hearted enough to want to polish her zimmer for her. Don't you dare laugh! Zimmer polishing can be an arduous task - not to be tackled lightly!

I was a solicitous gentleman and helped Alice up off the loo, just in case she became a fixture. Walking arm in arm towards the bedroom, well that was until I felt her fingers foraging inside my the back of my track-suit pants and undies. Needless to say, I also articulated my hand to her freshly washed anus.

'You will be gentle with me won't you, Terry? It has been a long time since I've had it that way?'

'What way, Alice?'

'You know! Up my bum!'

'Are you sure about this? Alice, your daughter is a lot younger than you are! She's more plump around the rump than you are.'

'I thought you said you liked my ass? You said I had a nice shapely ass!'

'I like rice pudding as well, but I wont eat it with figs in it.'

'I am not asking you to eat my ass, Terry! Although from what I can remember back when my Reggie used to do it to me, I guess I could grow quite partial to it again, Darling! What! What you laughing for, Terry?'

Laughing! I was holding my sides, creasing myself, after I regained control of my laughing-box I managed to splutter, 'I was thinking about the gorilla licking Freda's arsehole, the thought tickled my fancy, Alice! God bless the woman, I have not even lamped my eyes on her yet!'

'You wont want to, Love. There is hell of a lot of Freda to look at It is the gorilla you should feel sorry for, poor thing.'

'That's what I love about you, Alice. You are so thoughtful and compassionate!'

By this time Alice was climbing onto the bed showing me her bare ass and pussy. I couldn't resist it and I goosed her bum. She looked back, grinned one of her best grins and waggled her bum. I heard the bones creak. It was not unlike a skeletons tea-party. All we needed now was the ketchup.

As the maid was out for the day, I undressed myself brazenly flaunting myself. John Thomas was forlorn and refusing to leave my testicles on their own, which was not the solidarity I was expecting, demanding from him. Maybe it was because we hadn't had lunch, we are usually sitting together, him snuggling into my ample lap at the lunch table at this time of the day. If I am not wearing my tie, tit-bits usually drop down to him from my dribbling lips. Like me, he his also a creature of habit. To him, sex at lunchtime was not a usual habit, at least not in the last decade or two.

Getting back to Alice who had by this time had eyeballed my serious geriatric droop with that knowing smile on her face, I hate women with loose morals. I knew what she was thinking, 'he's been playing with it again!' Reminds me of my Vicar. He has always got a condescending look on his face when he sees me as if he is saying to him self, 'Welcome to Masturbators Anonymous, obviously being a Vicar, he is the President and chief masturbator. I have a good mind to get my own back and send Freda into him. I don't think the gorilla would mind a respite. It may even make the Vicar into a human being, like me!'

'Now where are you, Terry? What you thinking about now?'

When I had finished narrating to her she laughed and said, 'Come here you daft thing! Let me suck it back to life for you. Even if I have to splint it and bandage it, you will still have to put it into my ass.'

I sat quietly onto her breasts and dangled Thomas over her toothless mouth. She snapped her gums down onto His Softness and applied suction, proving both her lungs were able and functioning. Her lips became embedded betwixt my pubic hairs, I use the plural because there are two of them. I named them Pinkie and Perky, as Perky usually stands up higher than John Thomas. John is the one with the hat on.

'Its getting hard!'

'You don't have to sound so damned incredulous, Woman! Maybe it is because I was thinking of Freda. Ouch! Bitch! That hurt!'

'Say that again and I will put my teeth back in! You appear to be ready, I am ready, let me turn onto my belly for you. Use plenty of that jelly stuff.'

'What jelly stuff? Where is it?'

'In the blooming bathroom! Where do you think!'

'You better go for it, I ain't got my zimmer here and I don't like going through my ladies personal things. Maybe there's some of your knickers in the dirty-linen basket and I will get side-tracked again.'

'It ain't in the linen basket it's in the medicine chest, Silly Man! There is a blue pair of Mollies in there, Love. Bring them with you, they may help me to get you hard again.'

'Ruddy women, why you can't get your arse ready for fucking before you come to bed, I don't know!'

'Just you wait until I get my rubber dick up your arse, I will you know!'

I knew fine where the lubrication was kept, I had already had a nose around the bathroom. I picked up the open jelly tube and a spare one and then I opened the basket. There was some of Alice's knickers and the blue silky one which were pretty rancid when I put them to my nose. Molly's smell was a lot stronger than Alice's. I felt John Thomas stirring. I sidled through deliberately making my cock bounce from side to side and still smelling the crotch of Molly's knickers to tease Alice.

'Come on, Terry I have started without you! Ooooh! I am hot to fuck! Come and fuck me, Tiger! Squeeze that tube in me and get your cock into my ass! Your cock is lovely and big, ram it in me, Lover!'

She was on all fours waggling her ass from side to side and John Thomas was doing us both proud. It must have recognised Molly's smell and his trip up her tight asshole.

I moved in behind Alice and pressed a good dollop of juice into her anal hole and industriously fingered it in with one, two, three fingers until she was rocking and writhing around my in-depth fingers.

'Oh! Yes! That feels good! Now your prick, Darling! Now your prick! Put it in and fuck me. Go on! All the way! Oooooh! Aaaaagh! Yes! Its so big! Make it hurt! Terry, make it hurt! It's been too long since I have had a cock in my ass!'

'If I had known what a slut you are Alice I would have been rattling your bones a long time ago. Wooow! You are a tight assed baby! Take it, all of it! Between you and Molly I am not going to be playing with myself ever again!'

'Don't forget Freda! That feels so nice, it has been too long! Fuck me in my ass! Yes, Terry, Yes! Do it! Do it good! Oh yes! That's it! Right up! No hurry, Sweetheart, just keep doing it. I just want to feel it inside me.'

'You are some shag, Alice. You are going to have to call an ambulance to take me home.'

'Who said I am going to let you go home. You are mine now, Terry. You and your prick, you are both mine. I will get Freda and Molly to guard the doors to stop you getting away from me. The only way out of here is Reggie's way out. Feet first in a wooden casket.'

'Where do I sign?'

'In my ass, Sweetheart. Use your prick and your juice as pen and ink!'

THE END.