It had been raining forever. I sat in my car all night trying to watch the warehouse where my target was supposed to be. All I ended up watching was a thick sheet of rain. If I strained hard enough, I could just make out the light above the door. It didn't do much more than deepen the shadows but I could at least see the door open in case someone, anyone, came out.
The door hadn't opened. Not once.
I had listened to enough talk radio to be as current as possible on world events and idiotic opinions. Lucky me. Most people seem to think of the talk box as a sleep agent. It has the opposite effect on me. It pisses me off and keeps me awake. I usually listen to it when I'm staked out for a job or having sex with a dull woman. Whatever it takes. Kind of my motto in life these days.
There was a tap on the driver's side window. At first I wasn't sure. The rain had been pounding on the roof for so long that I didn't even notice subtle sounds anymore. Then it came again: tap tap tap. I focused my attention through the window. I could just make out the outline of something or someone. The only light came from the warehouse bulb and the flickering street light a couple yards away. Not enough to tell who wanted my attention. Oh well. I had given up fear years ago.
I rolled the window down an inch. Rain splattered my face. "What do you want?"
"Do you have any spare change?" said a female voice. I couldn't see much of her. What I could see looked worn and dirty and hunched over. And wet. I looked at the clock on the dash. 3:10am.
"Kinda late to be hunting for change, isn't it?"
"Please sir. My little boy woke up hungry. We haven't eaten in days. He's only two. He needs to eat." The droning of the rain made her pathetic plea all the worse.
I mulled it over. I have always had a soft spot, AKA downfall, for a woman in distress. She definitely was. Plus, the thought of a kid being hungry didn't sit well either. I don't hate all humanity, just the adult ones. Kids shouldn't suffer.
I rolled the window down and fished into my pocket for whatever cash I had. Why? Because I have a reputation for doing stupid things and paying heavily for them later. It's my nature. That's why I have never gotten beyond being a second rate hunter.
As I reached into my pocket, a hand the size of a large anvil stabbed through the window and wrapped huge fingers around my neck. I got the immediate sensation of how a chicken feels right before having its neck snapped for Sunday dinner. I tried to pull my hand out of my pocket. My gun was sitting in between the seats. It might as well have been in the next city. Still, I made a grab for it, like any upstanding man fighting for his life would.
I stopped mid grab. The pressure of cold steel on the temple has that effect on most movement. Every muscle tensed. It was definitely gun. A large one, probably a .45. Nothing to mess around with, not that any gun at your head was. But I gave those no-chance-of-survival type guns a little more respect.
The car was silent except for the thumping rain on the roof. Ham fist was holding just tight enough around my neck to make breathing a chore but not stop it altogether. I was able to turn my head slightly to the left to look at my attackers. A bit surprisingly, Ms. Homeless was holding the cannon to my head. She had uncovered her face. Even wet and dirty, she was a beauty. She smiled at me. The smile quickly cleared any thought of attractiveness from my mind. Her smile made me wonder how many animals she had tortured in her youth.
I'm not sure how I missed the goliath next to her. I probably mistook him for a building. He wore a long, dark overcoat typical of the thug/gangster/likes-to-hurt-people variety. He had a granite block for a head. The look on his face told me that the cherry on top of his day would be breaking my neck in a very deliberate fashion. Good times.
"Excuse me sir," she said.
I always hated being mocked and choked at the same time. Sets a bad precedent. The apartment building holding my neck chuckled. His humorless laugh made ice cubes slide down my spine.
"I was getting you change, "I croaked.
Evidently Bruno the enforcer didn't like my attempt at levity. He tightened on my neck and very efficiently pulled me through the window and out of the car. He held me in the air for a moment before throwing me to the ground. I hit hard. I pulled my self up to my hands and knees before I thought about what a mistake that was. Big guy put a size thirteen combat boot in my gut to remind me. I went down.
I didn't get back up.
I turned and looked up into the rain. The Ice Princess hovered inches from my face. Water dripped from strands of hair hanging down the side of her head. Her hair was black. Midnight black. It fit her.
"We saw you out here and thought you might like some company."
"Gee, thanks," I said.
She smiled. "Let me introduce you to my associate, Mr. Bruno." She waved a hand at her partner.
I couldn't help myself. "Mr. Bruno? You're kidding right? Where's Vinnie and the rest of the gang?" Someday, if I live to be old, I'll think about all the trouble my mouth has caused me.
Her smile vanished. "Kidding? Most definitely not. Mr. Bruno, introduce yourself."
Mr. Bruno cocked his fist back. I closed my eyes. These guys always aim for the face. Always. I felt the impact like the proverbial ton of bricks, plus another half ton for good measure. I started quickly towards sleepy time. I stayed conscious long enough to hear her congratulate him on not breaking my nose.
Good. At least something was going my way.
***********
I woke up naked and bound to a creaky wooden chair with some kind of leather contraption. My head felt like it had been dragged by a car at freeway speed before being run over by a semi. Nothing seemed to be broken but I'm sure the bruises would make up for that.
Oh yeah. I also had a huge erection.
Now typically my reaction to being beaten up and forcibly detained is not sprouting lumber the length of my leg. This particular erection seemed to be straining to point of being uncomfortable. I figured that the bad guys had given me something, since the last time I had been hard like this I had been fifteen and just discovered dad's porn stash. Why my attackers would want to help with my erection capabilities I wasn't quite sure.
I took a second to glance around the room. Pretty standard back alley interrogation type stuff. Single, bare bulb hanging overhead. No furniture except the chair I was in. The walls were blank and unpainted. I couldn't see a door but the screech of un-oiled hinges confirmed my suspicion that it was behind me.
I heard the door close followed by the clack of high heals on the concrete floor. I heard another set of foot steps as well, belonging to someone heavy. Really heavy.
"Ah shit." If my suspicions as to the owner of those heavy footsteps were accurate, there were many more colorful expletives that would come to mind. My suspicions were confirmed as I heard the wheezing laugh and saw the massive bulk come out from behind me.
"Pleased to see you as well, Mr. Standard." Tyrone Martini. He was impressive standing there with his 400 pounds and gigantic tailored suit. The effort from walking onto the room had caused him to wheeze loudly. "Still up to the old game I see."
"Yeah. You still trying to convince everyone you're Italian?"
"I have the blood on my mother's side."
"Yeah. You're as black as night and allergic to tomatoes," I said. A cloud fell over his face and I was sure my mouth had just worked me into another world class beating. Surprisingly, he exerted some effort and brought what passed for his smile back to his face.
"I going to let that slide. There are more important things to attend to." He wheezed out a chuckle. I had started to squirm as much as the bindings would allow me. My odd erection had become quite uncomfortable and an urgency to get my rocks off in a big way had hit me. "Seems as though you are a bit uncomfortable, Mr. Standard."