My Favorite Fantasy

I am so tired. It is an effort to walk along the hospital hallway and I curse the distance from my unit to the parking garage. Each step is torture, but I put my head down and doggedly continue, each step taking me closer to my car and escape from the day...I want this day to fall from around me and I want to feel clean again.

All the way home, I think of you. I wonder what you are doing now. What you had for dinner. Who sat around the dinner table with you, making you smile and laugh. I wish fervently that it had been me; a nice, clean fragrant me, laughing and joking with you and watching your dimples appear and seeing the way your eyes delve into mine.

I allow myself to indulge in a little fantasy that pleases me. It has been recurring since the day I gave you my spare keys to the apartment. I will come home and find you asleep on our bed, under our quilt. I imagine it often, the surprise and happiness of finding you there, waiting for me. It will probably never happen, though. I can't imagine you actually coming to my home, using the keys I so lovingly gave you, being there for me. It is just a fantasy that sustains me on days like these.

Finally, I turn into my apartment driveway. The security gate, as often happens for me, is up, even though it is nearly 8pm. I smile and thank my Guardian Angel for having it open for me, relieving me of the need to stop and work the magic pass system.

As I drive to my building, I thank my Angel again. There, right there, right at the entrance, is a beautiful parking space, just steps from the front door. I fall out of the car and again wish I didn't have to walk one more step. But I can see my windows and my feet actually speed up; I am nearly home! I stop myself from looking around for your car. It is just a fantasy and one I should forget.

I stop for the mail, clunk down the stairs in my heavy sneakers, open the heavy green door. I am finally home! It is getting dark outside and I know my apartment will be cool and dusky too. I like coming home to the nice welcoming cocoon, the little night lights giving off enough light to help me through the submersion into my safe place.

I enter, immediately locking the door behind me. I drop my keys on the shelf by the door and sigh loudly. Without turning on any lights, I drop into the chair in front of the computer....just to see if you are online or if you sent email today. I click on the music icon and an old love song fills the air. I check my email....nothing. You aren't signed on, so there is no chance of hearing a little brrriiiinnnnngggg from you. Next, I check Facebook and Lexulous to see if you have played. Ah, yes, you did. The little pop-up says you played two hours ago....so, I missed you! I click on our games, one by one, and smile as I see your words. You are so good, so intelligent. It is a challenge to keep up with you and I have the re-occurring concern that you will grow bored with me. I play my words quickly, giggling as I imagine your face when you see that I played 'dirty' scrabble in one game.

Now, I slowly get up and walk to the bedroom. The nice, dark bedroom- made even darker by the blue curtains you helped me hang. I walk in the dark, the little nightlight in the corner sending a soft glow against the far wall. As I enter, I can smell you. That is a curse, thinking of you and knowing you so well, that I can conjure up your singular scent at will. I collapse on the side of the bed, facing the closet, and reach down to untie my shoes. That is my only concession to civility. Once untied, I just kick them off. I use my heel-on-toe to remove my socks. I am exhausted. I sit in the darkened room and inhale you, wishing you were really here, not just my over-active imagination playing cruel tricks on my weary mind.

I stand and open the closet door. There is a comfort to knowing your home so well that you never need lights to guide you. I pull my shirt over my head and drop it into the laundry basket. I jerk the tie on my pants and they fall to the floor, quickly added to the basket. I consider my work bra and decide everything needs to be de-contaminated and drop it in the corner also. I stand there in my panties, remembering my morning shower and picking the yellow panties because I have shared them with you so many times. As I reach for the waistband and slip the panties off, I hear a movement. I stand very still, listening. I hear the rustle of fabric on fabric and I grow colder than i ever thought possible. I am frozen to the spot just inside the closet, trying to develop a plan of sorts, an escape. As my mind veers crazily, making an inventory of the closet supplies, wondering how best to protect myself, my head fills with your scent, your special smell that makes me weak and soft inside. I feel one very soft finger moving slowly on my neck, from my hairline to my waist, I feel that finger caressing me. It is suddenly all clear to me and my body shifts into a totally different mode. I shiver, not from fear now, but with desire and longing. Then, I feel lips on my neck. Familiar lips, framed by a slightly scratchy beard. My body knows, even as my mind can't quite accept, that you are here. You are standing behind my naked body, pressing lightly into me as you slide your mouth along that very sensitive skin below my hairline. Your hands touch my shoulders and you slowly turn me toward you, your lips seeking that special place that you marked as yours.

I let myself sink into the sensations that I have been craving for so long. Your body against mine, clothes on naked skin, cool against the heat you generate in me. Your fingers continue to grip my upper arms as you hold me captive, as if I would be any other place! Finally, your finger touches beneath my chin and you raise my face to yours. In the soft darkness, I can see your eyes burning into me just before mine close in anticipation. Then you surprise me again. You turn your face sideways and fit your lips onto the bridge of my nose. I can feel you smile as you remind me without words of what I told you years ago. If your lips fit there, I am truly yours. I belong to you.

My body knows that as I begin to melt inside, as I begin to eagerly press into you, my arms wrapping around your waist, your chest, your shoulders. It is oddly erotic, being totally naked and open to you while you remain completely clothed and hidden. You dance me over to the bed, kissing me and making me senseless with need and desire. We sit side by side, learning each other again, finding our way together, sinking slowly down onto the quilt. Too abruptly, with a kiss on my forehead, you stand up.

I am bereft. I feel the loss of your warmth and security, your love. I hear you in the bathroom, lighting the candle, starting the shower. Then you are back. You take my hand and I follow like the duckling I am with you.

You pull back the curtain and help me into the cascading warmth. It is still dark, the room lit by a tiny candle and another nightlight. I can see you now, though, see your sweet, loving face, see the kindness and concern in your eyes. You stand outside the shower, lathering your hands and preparing to shampoo my hair. I turn and allow the sensations to flow through me. Your fingers, the fingers I watch every time we are together, slip and slide through the lather, massaging and relaxing me. You move me under the warm spray and rinse all the bubbles from my head, turning me like your rag doll, as I totally surrender to you.

Now, I feel your slippery fingers along my body, cleansing the day from my skin, marking your favorite places. You circle my right breast and I feel my nipple harden on your palm. You caress my left breast and I feel the love in that touch. Your hands seem everywhere at once, touching and caressing. I can feel myself melt for you, as I always do, wanting you more than I can express. Sometimes, when the words come to my befuddled mind, I worry that they will seem trite, practiced. but, Sir, they are not. They are true depictions of my feelings and desires.

I can't think as your fingers and hands move between my legs, lathering and playing with my aching pussy. Your fingers boldly enter me and massage that tiny tyrant that rules everything. I can feel the wetness as you circle my tiny cock, your fingers so damn sure and skilled. I feel my legs weakening. As much as I love this, I want to be beside you, feel your naked skin against mine, full-length, our legs and arms entwined, searching for the summit.

You turn me slowly, rinsing the vanilla bubbles from my skin, kissing shoulders and chest and arms and fingers. My mouth longs to kiss you, to feel your lips and tongue, but you carefully avoid that, making me wait, making me crazy with desire.

You turn off the warm shower and open the curtain fully. You hold the towel to me and begin drying my skin carefully. I am nearly moaning aloud, wanting you. But you are clever and stay just out of my reach, drying me and kissing me and inciting me with lust.

We walk together back to the bedroom. You have turned down the sheets and we sit on the side of the bed, again, my naked skin against your fully-clothed body. Then, you stand before me, lit by the tiny nightlight, and begin to unbutton your shirt, very slowly. My eyes devour you, willing you to hurry, willing you to move closer so I can feel the flesh I know so well, but you have your plan and I must wait.

Slowly you disrobe, first your shirt, then your belt, then your pants, draping each item on the chair and smiling at me as I moan aloud. Finally, you stand before me, with just white shorts covering your furry body, the body I love so much. I can see "my" cock straining against the opening, peeking out shyly, teasing me.

I stand, move closer to you, finally feeling your firm, softly-matted chest against mine. My arms circle you in so many places, pulling you closer to me, pressing you against my overheated body. I want to kiss you and I lift my face to you. You look into my eyes and make me wait until it is unbearable before lowering your mouth to mine, fitting it against me in such perfection. Your tongue darts out and licks me gently and I feel my entire body respond to you. Goose bumps cover my arms, back and chest as I struggle to get even closer to you. You move me back to the side of the bed and gently push me down. We lie side by side, total contact from lips to toes. Ah, this is what I crave. The way our ins-and-outs fit together until we are one puzzle piece.

We kiss and caress and whisper our loving thoughts, never losing the bonding I crave. Kissing you, touching you, being touched by you is fantastic. As you skillfully find all those places that make me squeal with delight, I sink into the whirl of eroticism. As my excitement builds beyond my control, I lose all conscious thought and the joy you give me becomes one long sigh of happiness. You touch me well and often and take me away from myself. The one thing I do know is that you are always there, right there, so when I return to my senses, I feel safe and protected, wrapped in your love.

Now, as I lie limply, sure there is no further pleasure I can obtain, you move slowly down my body, your mouth seeking my center. I love this. I reach between my legs and hold myself open for you and feel your mouth on my opening, your tongue seeking all those sensitive spots inside me. I can feel myself starting and jumping and hear myself moaning. I want you so much! I can feel another orgasm rising in me, feel the tension building until I want to scream. You know the places to touch. You know the way to touch. You know me. You know me! Is there anything better than that? The redness fills my head, the feelings become my center and I am lost. When I can breathe again, I know one thing. I want you inside me. Now! It has been so long since I felt your heat and hardness deep inside me. I pull on your arms to tell you what I want. I want you. I want you plunging inside me for as long as possible. You slide up my body and I open myself for you, spreading my legs and holding myself open so you can slide into your home.

With every thrust, you touch my deepest place. You more than touch it, you caress it with the tip of your hard cock, and you make me sore in a way that is unbelievably delightful. It is a pleasurable soreness, one I always appreciate the next day. When sitting or climbing stairs, I still feel the tenderness created by your loving and I am filled with intimate memories.

I know you are getting close, I can hear your breathing increasing, I can feel your hands on me tightening. This, too, is a joy. To feel the heat pour from you into me, to feel full of you. It is another inexplicable feeling, one that is most intimate. After you come into me, you collapse on me and I hold you close, listen to your breathing calm, feel your heartbeat return to normal. I kiss your head, your face, your hands, any place I can touch. This is something I give to you, the sheltering and protecting, keeping you safe until you come back to me. All too soon, you move beside me and pull me close. My head is on your shoulder, our legs are entwined automatically and comfortably and we sleep. The ultimate intimacy. Coming home.