My Exploration of Me

Life is different when you are a man in your 50s and recently divorced. My marriage had been unhappy for decades and I am actually relieved to be on my own. In fact I feel quite free and for the first time in my life I am living on my own.

It also means that I need to start thinking about how attractive I am to others. And in case you didn't realize this, being in an unhappy marriage can make you gain quite a bit of weight. Apparently when you're unhappy, you eat. So, to deal with that fact I have, of course, joined a gym. And thankfully, at my age, I can afford a nice gym.

I've been going to this gym for about a month and it's been a miserable grind but finally I am seeing some results. So that's making me happy but it's been a dreadful experience getting here.

However, a saving grace has been the sauna. I never really liked saunas before but apparently I do now. I have found that being wrapped in that warm heat feels really good and helps me to relax and even energizes me. I've found an additional benefit that has surprised me. To be blunt, I get to see cocks.

I'm not gay but to be fair I'm also not, not gay. I'm not upset or offended by homosexuality in any way. And it wouldn't upset me if I were. But honestly I'm just not attracted to men. Certainly not in the same way that I am to women.

But for some reason I am fascinated by other men's cocks. I often find myself imagining holding another man's cock and jerking him off, sucking other cocks and, at times, even having one in my ass. But I've never really had the chance to indulge these fantasies. Maybe I could have but I just didn't really know how.

But now I have the sauna. And at this gym some guys wear towels and others do not. I enjoy going in there nude and just laying my towel down on the bench and sitting on it. I also find it handy to have the towel in cases I start to get hard and I get the feeling that one or more of the other guys are uncomfortable with that fact. When that happens I can just drape part of my towel over my hips casually and we're all happy.

So for the last couple of weeks I have been enjoying this new found peep show. After my evening workout I hit the sauna and enjoy looking at the many different cocks on display. After the first few days I added another step to my routine and that was heading home after the gym and jerking off while thinking about some of the cocks I had seen.

Soon I was imagining holding them, jerking them off and even sometimes I would imagine sucking them. I was surprised at just how strongly my body reacted to these fantasies. And yet still I didn't feel attracted to the men themselves.

About a week ago my schedule shifted a little and I was finding myself at the gym later than usual. It was nice that the gym itself was less crowded but when I headed to the sauna I was a little disappointed that there was almost nobody around. I chalked it up to bad luck, got undressed, rinsed all the sweat off then grabbed a towel and headed into the sauna and found my usual spot open and sat down.

I was disappointed that nobody else was there so with a sigh I just tried to relax. I closed my eyes, leaned my head back and began to doze. After a few minutes I heard the quiet sound of the door opening, followed by the slightly cool breeze from the outside that quickly disappeared and I was once again wrapped in the luxurious blanket of heat.

After a minute or two I slowly opened my eyes and saw another man sitting across from me. I couldn't help but smile when I saw that, like me, he was naked and sitting on his towel. And also like me he seemed to be a man in his 50s with a little extra weight but not obese.

So, as was my habit now I let my eyes drift down to his cock. However I had forgotten one little step. I had forgotten to look at his eyes and see where he was looking. It turned out he was looking at my face and clearly saw my gaze drop down to his crotch. And I'm sure he also saw the small, happy smile that spread across my lips as I saw his generous and well shaped member.

I also didn't realize that he was watching me as I continued to stare at his cock and my member began to stir. I can't say it was instantaneous, after all, age does slow things down, but my cock began to swell and lengthen. And he noticed.

The first sign to me that he was paying as much attention to me as I was to him was when I saw his cock begin to swell too. For a moment I didn't think about what that meant but instead I felt a thrill shoot through me. As his cock grew it became more beautiful and I knew that I'd have some good material to get myself off to later that evening.

But then the complete brain fog of arousal lifted and I realized that he was watching me. And for a moment I panicked. Was I about to get busted and asked to leave. But then, once again, clear thoughts cut through the cloud and I realized what his obvious arousal meant. Of course all of these thoughts happened in a blink of the eye.

So, now what?

I swallowed the lump of aroused nervousness in my throat and looked up at his face. And in the moment that our eyes met I saw understanding in his pleasant, friendly face. He smiles at me and I can't help but smile back at him. We sit there for a moment looking into each others eyes.

I'm not sure which of us moved first but we both move our hands onto our thigh, near our crotches. It becomes obvious what we're about to do and that both of us want this. In the next moment each of us take our hard cocks into our hands and begin to gently tug on them.

At that moment my cock becomes fully erect and I can't stop myself from moaning. My friend smiles and nods at me. And then the first words are finally spoken when I hear his deep, smooth voice say,

"Oh I like that! Please don't hold back your moans."

I look up at him and the slight bit of embarrassment I had been feeling about my moan disappears and I nod. I let myself relax and begin to truly enjoy our interaction. I surprise myself how vocal I am. I don't remember ever feeling the need to moan so much, but suddenly I find myself becoming more and more turned on the more I moan.

I let myself stop thinking and just let my arousal take over control of my body. As a result I begin to moan with every few strokes of my cock. Soon my hips begin to move in rhythm with my hand and I find myself imaging that it's his hand on my cock instead of my own. And suddenly I find my mind and my lust at odds.

One part of me is needing to ask him to touch me but that other part screaming 'no' in my head. What a kill joy. Who's voice is that anyway? My father? My ex-wife? Because of this struggle I couldn't get any words out. But my other hand reaches up and motions for him to come sit with me.

There is that suspended moment as I wait to see how he will respond. It feels as if that moment of tension stretches out for eternity. His response will dictate the future of our encounter and possibly even my future of enjoying this sauna. So the moment his smile grows wide and he stands up I feel not only a sense of relief but my arousal shoots through the roof as he crosses to me.

I scoot over, making room for him on my towel. Somehow our movements almost feel choreographed. As he sits close to me I release my own cock and we each reach over and wrap our hands around each others. Once again I can't stop myself from moaning.

It takes a moment or two for us to relax into our new situation but when we finally do our hands begin to move, gently and rigorously. I begin to focus on the feeling of his cock in my hand. And it's more amazing than I had ever imagined.

Suddenly my entire world is focused exclusively on the feeling of his magnificent cock in my hand. I hardly even notice the pleasure of his hand wrapped around me. His flesh in my hand feels so warm, so thick, so substantial and so alive.

As I grip him firmly and tug up and down I feel his soft skin sliding over the amazingly hard muscle beneath. I feel myself getting completely overwhelmed with arousal. My mouth falls open as I stare at his cock and I begin to pant.

I have no idea how long I sit there tugging him like this but at some point I look up at him and the look in my eyes must have been so wild and so full of lust as his expression shows his surprise and suddenly he moans. Apparently my level of arousal turns him on so much that he begins to loose control too.

My expression must turn desperate and it becomes obvious to him that I am aching like mad to suck him. He nods his head and leans back, pressing his hips forward and letting me know that he welcomes the escalation. Without giving myself time to reconsider I lean forward and begin licking the swollen head of his beautiful cock.

My hand is wrapped around his base and still tugging on his shaft. My mind is so overwhelmed with every image and fantasy I've ever had about cocks that I begin to lavish his member with attention in every way that I can.

I hold his cock and lick up and down the sensitive underside and I feel him respond by trembling and moaning. This just drives me on and even though I am anxious about how well I can handle having his large cock in my mouth I don't hesitate to slide the head of his throbbing member into my mouth and begin to suck on him eagerly and energetically.

And before I know it I have half his cock sliding in and out if my mouth as I continue jerking his base. I begin to bob my head up and down his length and I can't help but moan at the amazing sensation of his cock sliding in and out of my mouth.

I feel his hips thrusting up and then I feel his hand on the back of my head and for a moment I panic but to my surprise, as he begins to push my head down, I'm able to actually swallow more of him than I imagine possible. And this absolutely thrills me. I actually feel my cock begin to spasm as I cum in his hand. Apparently sucking his glorious cock has me more turned on than I can ever remember feeling.

My orgasm has the same effect on him as I feel that gorgeous cock of his begin to swell even larger in my throat and his thrusting hips begin quiver. I pull back so that only the head of his cock is in my mouth as I jerk up and down his shaft as quickly as I can. It doesn't even occur to me to take him out of my mouth.

His first blast is huge and powerful and I almost choke as my eyes fly open in surprise and excitement. I begin to frantically swallow as quickly as I can. Whenever I had fantasized about giving a blowjob I had always been uneasy about the idea of swallowing. But now I begin to wonder if this is actually the best part as I find myself disappointed when the last of his cum dribbles into my mouth and his cock begins to go soft.

I let his cock slide slowly out of my mouth, enjoying the sensation of his half-hard dick sliding past my lips. Once again I smile and moan, realizing that I'd just given my first blowjob and that I loved it!

After a moment of breathing I know I need to face the possibility of some post-coital awkwardness. So I take a deep breath and sit up. I try not to hesitate as I look into his eyes. What I see there is the gentlest and most friendly and satisfied smile I've ever seen.

And for the first time in my life I actually want to kiss a man. So I do it. I lean forward and kiss his lips. I think I surprised him too. I don't think he'd ever expected to kiss either. But after a moment of surprised paralysis he responds, kissing me deeply in return.

After several moments of one of the most mind blowing kisses I can remember, we both pull back and look into each others eyes. To my surprise there is no awkwardness. I just smile at him and manage to speak.

" My name is Jim. Thank you for that."

He smiles back at me before responding. "I'm Jason. It's nice to meet you. And you're very welcome. In fact, any time." His smile brightens as he chuckles.

I laugh in return and we both sit back and relax as we begin to chat. Just fairly normal small talk, but small talk between two close friends. Which, I suppose at that point, we were.