(February 14, 2018; at Texas A&M)
(Or two years before My Crazy Girlfriend Pt. 01)
My name is Liv, and this is the story about how the worst day of my life changed everything for me. It all started when I got a series of very bad scores back. See, I'm a Chemical Engineering major and to stay in that program you have to keep a really high GPA, and well, Thermo 1 and Fluid Mechanics had both kicked me back low exam scores just the day before.
That wasn't even the worst thing though. Well, it probably was, but it didn't feel like it. I'd spent a significant amount of money getting ready for a major party. A major party taking place on Valentine's Day. I had bought this precious slinky green dress. It hugged my figure perfectly and had a plunging neckline. I had made an appointment to get my hair done in loose curls and everything. For a girl so skinny you can see her ribs, I was going to be pretty hot- at least for one night.
And it shouldn't have mattered anyway because I was going to the party with my high school boyfriend. We had come to college together and been dating for three and a half years. But come that afternoon when we were supposed to go to dinner together, he shows up at my dorm room in his coat and pants, tie undone, and his shirt not even completely buttoned.
"Why aren't you ready yet?" I asked, "Come in and finish its almost time to go." He didn't move, scratching the back of his head and looking at the ground.
"Listen, Liv. I really hate to do this now, but- I think we need to stop seeing each other."
"What are you talking about?" I asked, not processing what he had said. "Get in here and get ready; everyone's going to be waiting."
"I'm sorry Liv; when we came to college together, I thought it would be fun but honestly the relationship has just felt like work. I don't know how to have fun with you anymore."
"What the hell are you talking about?" I almost screamed, "Don't know how to have fun with me? I've been nothing but available to you since we got here! All you do is drink and hangout with your stupid fucking frat buddies!" Now I was screaming. I poked him in the chest. "My grades dropped because of it."
"It's not working for me anymore, Liv." He said sheepishly
"Yeah, dicks usually don't when you're that fucking drunk." I snapped, tears falling freely off my face.
"I'm sorry." He said again.
"Get fucked!" I screamed and slammed the door on him. I couldn't see what happened, but I like to think it almost hit him.
I spent the next two hours sobbing until my eyes were puffy and I had blown my nose red. The dress I had gone to all that trouble to get on was practically ruined by tears and snot, at least for the night. The party wasn't happening, the hair appointment wasn't either. I never changed out of the dress, I just waited to stop crying and walked in an expensive cocktail dress and Chucks to the liquor store just off campus. I picked up a bottle of Jack Daniels and walked back to the sorority house, sitting out on the curb (yes in my new dress), taking swigs straight from the bottle.
It was pushing seven in the evening by then. People were ignoring me walking from place to place. Girls and guys together for dates, dances, or parties. I hated all of them. The whiskey was dampening my heartache and it wasn't as difficult to keep from sobbing in public. I was almost ready to go up to my room and dispose of all of his crap- probably by setting it on fire- when I heard someone talking.
"Damn, are you as bad off as you look?"
I looked up. It was a boy. Well ok, a young man. He was about my age, and maybe it was the whiskey, but I thought he was kind of cute. The fact that he was cute did not help. "Fuck you dude, I look like a million bucks."
He was holding a pizza box which he raised in agreement. "No contest on that one. The green dress really sets off your hair. But I meant the fact that you're clearly in some kind of emotional crisis." He smirked at me and pointed, "It's the bloodshot eyes and whiskey bottle that gives it away."
I glared at him and took a big swig. Too big, I coughed uncontrollably for several seconds. "Look here, either hand over a slice or keep moving. I'm trying to wallow."
"How dedicated are you to wallowing on the curb?"
"What's that mean?"
"It means I'll split it with you if you fill in for my roommate. We were supposed to have retro game night and he bailed to get laid... or he seems to think he is anyway. My mom just sent up Goldeneye and everything."
I stared at him for several long moments doing mental calculus through the fog of liquor. The curb hurt my butt, and the pizza actually smelled amazing. On top of that, he was cute, and being alone in a dorm seemed perfect for me to rope him into a rebound. You know if he sucked at Goldeneye.
"No Oddjob?" I asked.
"Who asks for that when they first meet?" He asked with a quizzical look.
"What?" I said confused, "What are you talking about?"
"You said no blow jobs. But who would even ask for that when they met someone?"
I rolled my eyes and stood up at great effort dusting off my britches. "I said NO ODDJOB." I put emphasis on the syllables, "He's shorter than other characters which is unfair in versus mode." I handed him my whiskey bottle and he took it. I snatched the pizza box from him and opened it.
"What's your name?" He asked.
"I'm Liv." I answered, "Lead the way."
He looked me over nervously and gestured toward the dorms and started walking. "I'm in Dunn."
"We'll see how I feel about the blowjob after Goldeneye." I pulled a stringing slice out of the box and took an unceremonious bite out of it. He stared at me as I started walking and I smiled at him with a mouth full.
His dorm was like any other college boy's dorm. A nightmare. Nothing had been cleaned. Old food sat on a shelf, upon which sat a toaster oven and microwave, neither bed had been made- or washed, in ages, there was trash strung across desks and piled up in the trash can and two piles of clothes. One at the foot of the bed, and one on the ground next to it.
I traded him back for my bottle hoping to drink the mess away. But ultimately none of it mattered to me anyway. The large TV had two chairs in front of it. One was a folding chair from a lawn furniture set, the other clearly a family hand-me-down deep cushioned swiveling chair. Graciously I was offered the swivel chair.
This kid got spanked. We polished off the pizza and by the end he was stealing sips from my whiskey too. I had grown up on Goldeneye, even though it was pretty old by the time I was old enough.
I tossed my controller into his lap and laughed at him. "Suck it, eight out of ten wins man, you're done."