Mrs. Ramer 01

Mrs. Kramer 01

Hi there, I'm Todd and I'm here to give praise to any and all moving companies everywhere! I mean, I had somehow been volunteered to help an old friend's family relocate the grandma for her aging home to a senior citizen complex for the aging and holy smokes, people can accommodate a lot of stuff over a lifetime! So, praise be the guys with hefty muscles who own a big truck, right? I mean, it wasn't even my money, but that was money well spent!

However, there is always plenty of work in front and behind the moving company, which is where my bitching comes in, oops, I mean my pitching in comes in. And my first bitch is where my friend, Ben, was probably sitting in his dorm room down at CC smirking while he knew I was making sure that everything was packed and stacked for the movers!

But since I had always wanted to fuck his mom so bad for so long, well, I had a few smirks of my own as Mrs. Kramer did her part (LOL, pointing) in her summer shorts.

Also, praise the moving company workers who kept things moving in and out of the house. That was actually the most time I had ever spent alone with Mrs. Kramer in one morning and even though I would have preferred to be literally anywhere else, I mean, Mrs. Kramer still has it as far as I'm concerned, so I took it as a win and did my best to make sure the movers were moving something as quickly as possible.

Also, ewe, the senior complex wasn't all that old and I think it was about 10 or 12 stories, but OMG, as soon as you walked into the doors, slap, cat pee smell right across the face! But maybe that was just me, but, ewe.

Anyways, meanwhile, back at the ranch.

"Alright, Mrs. Kramer, I'm going to follow the moving truck over the complex and make sure everything goes according to plan, so, I mean, Mrs. Kramer, do you have any pointers for me on how to properly point then, hmm?"

"Alright, Todd and thanks for all your help here at my childhood home. Anyways, the best way to point is like this."

[A quick swooshing arm movement from under the breast with the index finger pointed very straight]

"Well, it helps if you have boobs to swing your arm out from under, but give it your best and I'm sure it will all work out. Also, Todd, has your dick been pointing at me for the last hour, hmm?"

Oops!

"LOL, I get it, Todd, you're 20, you're a guy and you're awake, so, boing!"

"Tee he, well, Mrs. Kramer, am I going to get it then, hmm?"

[LOL, a swift arm extension from under the boobs with a pointy finger pointing to the front door]

"Hey, don't pout, Todd. I didn't say that I hated it, I just said that it wasn't going to happen."

And it didn't.

[Beep, beep, beep]

Well, here are a couple of the story "catch up" items. One, zero praise for the impatient movers, especially when they were paid by the hour, especially when Mrs. Kramer and I actually exchanged some level of sexy talk! Two, LOL, did I mention the cat urine slap in the face the moment you opened the door for the movers? Maybe that was just me, not being a cat person, but still, slap!

And three, LOL again, Grandma Kramer had the swift finger pointing thing down pat! I mean, her swift arm motion came from over her boobs because her entire front was just boobs, but she had everything under control!

And since I was there, I mean, I did my part and helped with the final locating of the furniture and I even made sure that her bed was reassembled properly.

Oh, and item four, wow, Grandma Kramer actually had a nice view from her 8th floor balcony. I mean, I don't know what it meant to her, but her view of the Strip in Middleton was primo. I mean, no praise for whoever said that you have to be at least 65 to live there, right?

Anyways, all in all, it was over, I was the good childhood friend for helping out, it wasn't so bad and my MILF crush had been in my eye sight for several hours, so, hey, it wasn't all that bad. Except for the cat smell, but that may have been just me.

But it was still a long morning and afternoon, so I swung back by the original house to let Mrs. Kramer know that her elderly mom was officially moved into her new place and oh boy, did I get a surprise or what? I mean, my dream surprise would have been if Mrs. Kramer would have answered the front door in the nude and with an ice tea in her hand, but wow, was I ever surprised to see the real estate lady there already!

Also, ugh, I'm almost dying here to tell you all how good Mrs. Kramer looks in the nude, but, ugh, all I can say is that she looks amazing in summer shorts! But what I can say that, whoa, the real estate lady was on it! Measuring, photographing, pointing, the whole ball of wax!

Also, huh, empty houses feel weird. Also, the speed of the real estate involvement was none of my business, right?

[A nice finger point to the left and down in a whipping motion]

"Take that cash, Todd, it's not much, but your availability today was worth it."

Well, here's the thing about being 20, I didn't know what the proper etiquette was. I mean, three $20's would look good in my pocket for sure, but it's versus friend's helping friend's, right? And you know my mom, she was always all about helping a friend in need, so, well, fine, I snatched the bills and stuffed them in my pocket, but we don't need to let that get out! I mean, I still eat there a lot, so let's just keep that to ourselves.

"Thanks, Mrs. Kramer, but an ice tea earlier would have been enough, so?"

"Ugh, OMG, Todd, I lost my manners over this damn move, so, ugh, please forgive."

Well, my pocket felt okay, so.

"Anyways, Todd, your dick is pointing at me again and we're not alone in the house!"

Well, we were saying good bye anyways and she was the one who brought it in, so. She also managed to find me a cola from the basically empty refrigerator.

"(Sip) ahh."

"Todd, I already said that I'm not mad about this thing down here, but your mother is probably about to ring the dinner bell for you and you need a shower from the heat of the day, so?"

By the way, folks, when I introduced myself in the beginning, I should have said that I'm Todd and that I'm 20 and that I have my own apartment, meaning that my mom does not ring any dinner bells for me anymore! She texts me, so.

"(Sip) ahh."

"OMG, 20 must be a terrible age for a young man! Todd, it would be nice and maybe I'm way over due, but I'm what some people might call frigid since the hubby walked out on us a few years ago, so?"

Well, I gave it my best double "ahh" college try and left things alone. But not before, wow, finally after so many years of secretly groping, wow, I pushed forward on Mrs. Kramer like three times and I swear, she pushed back at least once, so, it wasn't all that, but it felt like a win. And we kissed! Well, a light cheek kiss from my side, but another win, right?

But the side eye from the real estate lady basically killed that moment. It didn't kill my boner, but I followed that last of Mrs. Kramer's swift finger points and took off. I did need a shower and knowing that I would be receiving a dinner bell text pretty soon, well, I still can't tell any of you just how amazing Mrs. Kramer's looks while sitting on my lap in the nude, but in my mind, it would have been a sight to see!

But what are you going to do, right? I mean, I didn't know what frigid meant until I searched it later! But I didn't exactly believe that either. I mean, there was grinding and pushing, so is frigid defined at certain levels or was that just an excuse, right?

But give me credit for not pushing the issue, right? I mean, remember me? I'm Todd and I'm the good old family friend, right?

Also, fine, I couldn't push the issue based on my experience level. I mean, with my past girlfriends, it was always "do we have time" or "I think we have time" and it was never much of anything else like trying to talk my way into "it's our time" or anything like that and I already said "ahh" twice and that didn't work, so.

[Knock, knock, knock]

Well, why not, right? It was the third Kramer woman, the daughter Jill, who I knew the same as I knew Ben, so, hey, why not take the heat from Jill because her mom spilled that I tried to fuck her while helping out with Grandma Kramer's move, right?

"I'm not saying anything, Todd, so?"

"Jill, and there is nothing for you to say. I didn't do anything with your mom, so."

"Oh, believe me, Todd, I know that because my mom has this fricking mental block or something going on since dad walked out on us! But what I'm not saying anything about is the other Mrs. Kramer! You fucked my grand mama!"

Oops! Tee he, didn't I mention that earlier, tee he?

"But my grand mama seems happier than ever, so for that reason, I'm not saying anything, so?"

Well, Grandma Kramer served me an ice tea just after the movers left for the last time and I already said that I put her bed together, so.

"Ooh, so, neither of us is saying anything then, Jill?"

"Oh, if you're wondering if I or my grand mama will say anything to my mom about how you took her doggie, trust me, you're safe there, Todd, so?"

I mean, it was Grandma Kramer's request because of how her back hurt and all, so. And it doesn't matter if that really doesn't make sense or not. She served me my ice tea topless and that's how she said we were doing it, so.

"LOL, but I bet you heard some words that you never heard before, right Todd? My grand mama might have been in the Navy back in her day, LOL."

"OMG, I thought she might have been a house mom at a brothel or something!"

"Well, it appears that you put in a little work today, so, um, Todd, would you like it, um, Todd, do you want me to, ooh, um, well, do you want me to wash your dick right now then, hmm?"

Oh, the math on that was two of three Kramer women, right? Well, a dick washing might only count as a half, but still, right?

[Fap, fap, fap, stroke, stroke, fap, fap, slip, slide, stroke, fap, fap, grip, stroke, fap, slip, slide, fap]

Oh, the math changed when Jill took the grand finale in her mouth!

[Ooh, gulp, oh, blast, squirt, whoa, gulp, suck, milk, ahh, gulp, swallow, swallow, blast, milk, ooh]

"(Gulp) well, I didn't want to just make a mess in your house. And yeah, yeah, yeah, butthead, that's two of four Kramer women! Also, are you okay, Todd?"

"(Wheeze, wheeze, huff, huff, puff, puff, ahh, ooh, ahh, wheeze, huff, puff.) Ooh, oh, it's still..."

"OMG, men and their damn drizzle!"

[Slurp, lick, suck, milk, drizzle, dap, slurp, ooze, ooze, ahh]

"Am I your girlfriend for a couple of weeks now, Todd?"

"(Wheeze, wheeze, huff, huff, puff, puff, ahh, ooh, ahh, wheeze, huff, puff) yeah, Jill, ooh, yeah."

"Good. We're having a family dinner at my mom's house tomorrow night to celebrate my grand mama's new place, so pick me up at 7pm and don't be late and be clean!"

Well, as the man in the relationship, I mean, I'll show up anytime I want to! Like the moment I finally figured out exactly where my new girlfriend, Jill Kramer, actually lived and all.

And there we all were around Mrs. Kramer's dinner table including my girlfriend's Auntie Tina and her Uncle Ray and trust me, the tension was tighter than my girlfriend's grip while she washed me the evening before!

"And thank you for this wonderful dinner, ahem! Alright everybody, momma put in a lot of work on this dinner, so get after it! Also, everyone, Todd and I are starting a thing now. I mean, we haven't made it exactly "official, official, official" yet, but we're half way there plus, plus based on the math. Anyways, momma, I'm feeling a little spicy tonight, so would you please pass me the seasoned salt then, hmm?"

[Should have been a gentle pass off, but it was a slam! Boom!]

"And grand mama, I think it's a good night to make things on my plate nice and gooey, so would you please pass the gravy then, hmm?"

[Should have been a slide or a pass off, but it was a slam that created a few spilled drops of gooey gravy]

"Hmm, yum, yum, momma, yum, yum! Get it while it's in front of you, everyone! Or have it front of you and let it go by, so dig in!"

[Flatware clinks and clanks and jingles and clanks and it was a tough meal of silence after that]

"[Rubs belly under crop top] oh boy, with the way my belly feels right now, I mean, LOL, it feels like Todd and I went ahead and made it "official, official, official" last night [burp], oops, excuse me."

[Messy dishes on the dinner table are being cleaned by laser beam eyes]

"Uncle Ray, since you're the only one who smokes, cigars, I mean, would you like to puff one out on the rear deck then, hmm? I'll sit with you. I mean, rule #11 clearly states that the new boyfriend must help with the clearing of the dishes and all, so?"

"Oh, well, I've never been a rule breaker, niece Jilly, so, yeah, I'll have a cigar outside then. Um, honey, you okay with that then?"

"Absolutely Ray and if my sister Susan will pass me that bottle of wine, I'll bring a few glasses out to the deck, so, Susan, if you would?????"

[Slam! Pow! Not a pass off! OMG, a slam hard enough that the cork popped out!]

"Oh, ooh, well, I guess that's one way to open a bottle on wine! And mom, pull your dress down! Your old lady half nylons are showing! Also, just kill me if I ever wear half nylons when I'm your age!"

"Tee he, Auntie Tina, you're so funny sometimes and oops, boyfriend Todd, would be a good little yet to be whipped boyfriend and help my grand mamma to the easy chair before you help my momma with the clearing of the dishes, hmm? Oh, and Auntie Tina, should my boyfriend Todd help you wash the wine glasses first too then, hmm?"

"Niece Jilly, are you still "washing" things to get your way, LOL? Also, did you just give me permission? Oops, I mean, tee he, honey, your wine will be right out and by the way niece Jilly, cigars do not need to be washed!"

[If clank means dishes rattling together, what sounds means they are on the brink of breaking?]

"(Um, Mr. Uncle Ray, what's happening here?)"

"(Sonny, I never ask that question. I eat, I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine, I smoke my cigar and I take what the wife gives me at the end of the evening, so, help grand mama and shut it.)"

[Oh, it's crinkle! The sound is crinkle! Clank, crinkle, clank, cringle, clank, cringle, crack, crack, cringle]

"Come on, Mildred, I mean, Grandma Kramer, let's get you into the soft easy chair, okay?"

"Well, help me up by my tits, whipper snapper!"

Well, I mean, her whole front was basically tits, so.

"Ahh, I look forward to gumming a nut out of you later, um, just wake me up, okay whipper snapper?"

[Cringe, crack, crack, cringle, no need to wash cracked plate, cringle, crack]

"Oh, whew, I'm coming, Mrs. Kramer and um, I'll just grab the flatware, I guess and follow you into the kitchen, um, okay?"

I mean, it just felt better that the sharp items were in my control, so. It also felt like Auntie Tina could have taken longer to pour the wine on the rear deck. Or maybe I just enjoyed the view in the kitchen longer than I thought because as it turned out, the rear view in a sundress was as good as the rear view in her summer shorts.

"Whew, one could cut the sexual tension in this kitchen with a knife!"

"Tina!"

"Hey, whatever Susan, I mean, just ignore that there is a stud standing behind you with a prime cut of beef and you know, just keep your panties on like you have for the last eight years!"

"Tina!"

"Fine, I'll leave the two of you alone to do nothing! (Split her buns, stud! Just step forward!)"

Yeah, I just stood there. I mean, it popped into my head that there were actually four Kramer women, so all of my thoughts were coming from my other head, LOL.

"Well, I never heard of anyone serving hot dogs for dessert, Mrs. Kramer, but I'll split the hot dog buns if that's what you want me to do, so?"

"Todd, I think my sister was implying that you should split my buns, but since you're dating my daughter and all and since the two of you made if almost "official, official, official" last night, I mean, well, what I mean is, just what the hell were you thinking, Todd? Couldn't you tell from the moving activity just a few days ago that I'm literally within four months from breaking down and having sex with you? Hmm?"

Well, some guys in another universe might find it exciting to get sexually scolded, but I don't live in that universe! Besides, I mean, when I've had a girlfriend, I mean, four days was a long time, right? I mean, I would need a calendar to even think about where the four months point landed. But I did step forward and I guess I did split her buns as Mrs. Kramer held her position over the sink.

Also, huh, that actually works when a woman wears a dinner sundress! I mean, rubbing up against Denim is like humping a wall, but, huh, sundresses are different! And in a good way!

But let's face it, right folks? A kitchen isn't exactly a room built for privacy, so as good as that was, it had its limits. Especially with Auntie Tina running back and forth clinking wine glasses, so

"Mrs. Kramer, you're not wearing any undies tonight, so?"

"How dare you, Todd! I am wearing undies, but they happen to be of a very small style. And I did that as a start of things for you! Which went out of the window when my daughter so proudly announced that you and her were this close to making it "official, official, official" and with a couple glasses of wine in her tonight, well, I'm happy for the two of you then, so?"

Huh, that was about the moment that I figured out that Auntie Tina used the clinking wine glasses as cow bell of sorts.

[Clink, clink, clink]

"Oops, Auntie Tina, coming around the corner, so."

Oh, so that's why the human legs are so long then, huh? One quick side step from each human makes for quite a separation of distance!

"Hmm, nice try you two, but listen, Todd, your girlfriend has had a couple of glasses of wine and then she took a couple of puffs from the hubby's cigar, so I think Jill may be little light headed and ready to be taken home. And that's short for the two of you are out of time!"

"Tina! Also, did you just pat Todd's cigar?"

[Pat, pat]

"Did you say fat, sis? I mean, we're all a little fat from eating the wonderful meal that you prepared for us tonight and my hubby smokes fat cigars and he's probably getting fat downstairs because as I refilled his wine glass I whispered to him that sex would be his choice tonight and OMG, he loves to shove his fat cigar in my mouth and grand mamas fat titties didn't help anything when Todd here helped her to the easy chair and of course, Todd is 20 and he's awake, so that started him to get fat and then, you know, you posed your backside for him while pretending to rinse off the cracked and crinkled dinner plates and you still have what men want, so of course, he's fatter than ever right now! Also, LOL, who thought it would be a good idea to serve up so much wine then, tee he?"

"Tina!"

"Well, I need to prep myself for what I just promised the hubby and Todd, well, you have a light headed girlfriend to deal with and sis, well, you hopefully have a toy or two, so?"

"Tina!"

"Oops, what I meant to say was that your basement stairway hand banister railing has a loose screw or two and it seems to me that Todd here could come around in a few days and screw them in tight for you and then accidently screw you, so?"

"Tina!"

"Well, Jill will break things off soon enough with Todd here and it will all be legit! Weird, but legit. Also, who had the bright idea to open another bottle of wine, hmm?"

Oh, was my head spinning? Absolutely! Also, tee he, I need to meet more sisters! But I remembered Mr. Uncle Ray said to me earlier, shut it and let live happen.

Also, I mean, meh, I knew that Jill and I weren't going to last, so, like, meh. But I had to get laid after such an evening!