Mrs. Greystone 01

Mrs. Greystone 01

"{Rob} what are you doing, Mrs. Greystone?"

"{Mel} oh, you know, Rob [back side jazz hands], just regretting my decision 20 years ago to become known for my meatballs because now [back side jazz hands] it's my job and some group of nerds want my balls for Tay-Tay's first touchdown pass later tonight, that's all. What are you doing, I mean, other than lurking behind me and watching my booty jiggle as I roll these meatballs, hmm?"

[Roll, roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, roll, roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, ah-hah, a hip push out]

"{Rob} Mrs. Greystone, I mean, I mean, I mean, it's a football game, not Tay-Tay's career change. Well, it might be her Fall and Winter career, it's still up in the booty crack, I mean, up in the air, so?"

"{Mel} tee he, it's alright, Rob, I mean, I kind of always thought that you were a boobs man, but I guess a man can be a booty man and a bobs man at the same time, so?"

"{Rob} oh, I like that you just called me a man then, Mrs. Greystone, so?"

"{Mel} that's enough, Rob. It just goes with the expressions [hip push out], now leave me be to my job [back side jazz hands again] because even though my son isn't home yet, my daughter is, so, dial it back and reel it in a bit [roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, roll, roll], Mr. Man."

"{Rob} oh, but as a man, I'm putting my foot down and insisting that I help you walk the super-hot and super heavy pan of meatballs across the street to my mom's house then [gently stomps athletic shoe on the kitchen floor], so?"

[Roll, roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, roll, roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, a big hip push out with purpose!]

"{Mel} well, my son, you know, your best friend will be home by then, so, think about that, Robert. Oh, and then [back side jazz hands again] think about your mother peering out of the window at us, so?"

"{Rob} oh, but I mean, I'm slowly, but surely winning then, am I right, Mrs. Greystone?"

"{Mel} Rob, you're my trashy romance novel at nighty night time and nothing more. I mean, with endless chapters, of course, but that's where the line is drawn, so, shouldn't you go home and shower already for the big game, hmm? I mean, aren't you bored with watching me roll my balls, hmm?"

[Roll, roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, roll, roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, a hip push out]

Ahh, no! Do you see the narrative just above, huh?

"{Rob} I mean, Mrs. Greystone, are trashy romance novels like dirty thinking or naughty thinking, huh? And, and, and, do the heroines from the trashy novels ever wear an autographed Tay-Tay football jersey while serving meatballs from the hot pan thingy with blue fire and then maybe the jersey makes for sexy peeking or something, huh?"

"{Mel} hmm, if the trashy novel heroine wore a bra and that's all that got peeked while leaning forward from the LOL, the hot pan thingy with blue fire, that would be naughty thinking, but if the heroine didn't wear a bra and still leaned forward to serve her trashy novel hero a plate of spicy meatballs, I mean, that might be considered as dirty thinking, so?"

[Roll, roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, roll, roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, hip bounce]

"{Mel} but every trashy novel is different, just every person is different, so, I don't know, but I do know that it depends on [back side jazz hands again] the man, I mean, the trashy novel hero because you know, the man [back side jazz hands again] makes the rules!"

"{Rob} oh, oh, I mean, I mean, Mrs. Greystone, did I just hear..."

[Roll, roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, roll, roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, hip bounce, jiggle]

"{Mel} do not get caught, Robert! There will be house full at your mom's place to watch Tay-Tay judge the red flag challenges! Also, I'm wearing a thong under my thin kitchen shorts, so, pass out now so that I finish my [back side jazz hands again] job! And then go home."

Well, I passed out, so, what?

[Roll, roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, roll, roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, roll, roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle]

"{Mel} (hah, the youth that I will have to depend on later in life when I'm ready to wear Depends!)"

[Swoosh, a gliding fresh breeze enters the kitchen]

"{Julie} huh, you killed Rob, mom? Cool. Anyways, I'm off to my babysitting job so you can finish rolling your balls for the game watch guys to suck on later tonight, so..."

"Julie! Anyways, do I dare turn around and spy your babysitting outfit, honey [roll, roll, roll, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, wiggle, wiggle, jiggle, jiggle], hmm?"

"{Julie} well, now I see why Rob passed out, mom! Anyways, um, you probably don't want to turn around and spy my babysitting mini because you know [unseen jazz hands], you were never 18, bye!"

[Accidently kicks the passed-out Rob on the floor. And then kicks Rob two more times because Rob is her brother's friend and that's how it works]

"{Mel} (fucking modern times babysitting) Rob! Rob! Get up and help me peel these kitchen latex gloves off of my hands, Rob, ROB!"

Peel? I heard peel! People peel things off, right?

[Peel, slowly peel, peel, peel, slowly but surely, peel off the latex rubber kitchen gloves]

"{Mel} OMFG, you're dreaming again, Rob! Condoms work differently! Unless getting a hand job from your best friend's mom while wearing latex kitchen gloves is a thing in these modern times, so?"

Well, I pass out a lot, so, what? And sometimes I wake up on my neighbor's front porch, so, what?

"Honey, your friends are coming over to watch the big game in a short while, I mean, you do own other cargo pants, so, think about a quick change, okay? I mean, all of you might want to remember the moment when Taylor Swift recovers one of those fumble things in the end zone and scores the game winning thingamabob, so, think about changing."

"Mom! I put these cargo pants on because I have to help Mrs. Greystone carry the big hot pan of meatballs across the street and I might spill the juice!"

"Well, that woman sure likes her juicy man balls, I mean, meatballs, but after that, change, okay?"

Like anyone could tell the difference between my wrinkled cargo pants and my other wrinkled cargo pants and then my other pair of wrinkled cargo pants, right?

[Weep, incoming text]

"Stay off my momma & U can panty raid my dresser, Rob!?!?"

[Whoop, an outgoing response]

"Julie! OK!"

Well, of course there was the how and when to consider, but that kind of stuff always comes as an afterthought, I think. Especially when Jeff walked across the street with his mom and the big pan of juicy meatballs.

"Dude, hold the door open because I can hear the juice sloshing around."

"Enter, enter, enter and prepare yourselves for Tay-Tay to have an illegal block penalty overturned by instant replay! And my mom is in the kitchen, Mrs. Greystone, so? Um, actually, I mean, Jeff, head into the kitchen with the man, ahem, meatballs, so."

[Dude #2 wobbly heads towards the kitchen with the pan of juicy meatballs]

"[Sneaky finger poke, poke, poke] are you seriously wearing those wrinkled cargo pants, Robert, when you probably have three other pairs of wrinkled cargo pants to choose from, hmm?"

Okay, fine, maybe some people can tell the difference, so, so, what?

"I'm stealing a kiss today, Mrs. Greystone!"

"Hmm, you would just pass out from that, Robert, but I'm open to watching you fumble and fiddle around, maybe, I don't know, just don't get caught. But you can slip me a little trashy novel tongue if Tay-Tay intercepts a pass, so."

Well, I passed out, so, what?

[And the crowd gates open, yay and the fans of dude's funnel in, yay]

And I changed my cargo pants. But here's the deal, it sounded like I was winning alright, but our house isn't all that big and there were very few blind spots, so, trashy novel tongue slipping didn't seem to be on the play card. I mean, all I knew was that Mrs. Greystone was wearing a naughty thinking bra and that was it. And I only knew that from the outward impressions of her jersey, so, I didn't even know what color or style it was because, tee he, that matters to a guy, right?

And OMG, with all of the good TV commercials and a great halftime show, I mean, there was literally no built-in sneaky time!

Not to mention, SOB, when the tight end caught a pass and then threw it backwards to Tay-Tay for the touchdown and then the damn football had an engagement ring taped to it, I mean, come on! Just how is a guy supposed to get sneaky with the neighbor lady after that, huh?

"(Psst, listen to your mother, Robert.)"

Yeah, right, that's what we children do! Listen to the 'rents!

"Rob, since the game is over except for Tay-Tay's trophy ceremony, maybe you should carry Jeanie's empty meatball tray pan back across the street, okay, son?"

Attention, children of the world, it's important that you always, always, always listen to your parents!

And then, LOL, learn how to kiss before making your first big move. Or learn how to spell awkward.

"[Smooch] well, we'll work on that another time, Rob, so, I'm not giving you my pussy tonight and that's not just because my son, Jeff could pop out of your house at any moment, so, will a quick blow job due for tonight, hmm?"

People, it's about compromising! Always, always, always be willing to compromise and always, always, always keep one eye peeled out of the window!

"[Gulp] well, that was quick, Rob."

Oh, and always, always, always have like three quick releases excuses ready to roll off of your tongue!

End Mrs. Greystone 01