Mrs. Connie Conn 01

Mrs. Connie Conn 01

Hello there, I'm Scott, I'm almost 21 and my story is about how getting stuck in the middle actually turned out to my advantage. With plenty of back lash and side talk, but at the end of it all, I came out on top.

And to start out, I want to address one of the characters in my story and that is my flamboyant cousin, Paula Jaye or PJ for short. PJ is great and PJ is a busy body and PJ dresses out of the other closet, but PJ means no harm to anyone, so and I quote PJ "Scott, Scott, you couldn't pull this off without me, so give my due and bring home a phone number for me" unquote.

Absent for the cast of characters is my friend, Ben because he was off visiting with his father for the weekend and although Ben is gone, it had to be that way because and I quote PJ again "Scott, Scott, if you don't take advantage of Ben being gone for the weekend, then you're an idiot and I have no idea how an idiot lives to see 21" unquote.

And if I may skip over a few of the background characters because as quoted from PJ "Oh, oh, Scott, don't you dare let Mrs. Conn's friend, Millie, get even a whiff of this because that woman will tie you to an arm chair and lap dance you dead!" unquote.

And that brings me to the lead female character, Mrs. Conn and of course, I'm quoting PJ "OMG, OMG, Scott, Scott, Mrs. Conn is your dream woman and she's home alone all weekend and the it's the hot iron, Scott, the hot iron! You know nothing, Scott, especially about the temperature of the iron!" unquote.

Oh, and of course, all references to PJ's quotes have PJ shaking, vibrating, clenching his dainty fists, scorning, frowning, bouncing on his tippy toes and purposely flip flopping his hair. Which doesn't work on me since we are cousins and I'm used to how PJ has walked on the other sidewalk for like ever.

Anyways, quoting PJ "OMG, Scott, how could you live with yourself if you allow Mrs. Conn to attend the Middleton Masquerade party in a Pilgrim lady costume that includes a layer of dresses and under slips, all buttoned up to her chin and a bonnet, Scott, a bonnet I say!" unquote.

Now, I happen to like a certain anime strip that involves a Pilgrim lady churning butter and gets caught churning her butter by the barn farmhand guy, but maybe that's just me and that's another story all together. But in all fairness "Well, Scott, everybody has a fantasy and that's okay, but OMG, Scott, just admit that you wished more ladies didn't wear undies so you could just lift their dresses in a barn and get after it!" unquote.

Anyways, PJ, the flamboyant one, had taken the reins and came up with a solution for everyone's problems, if you know, anyone actually had a problem, but what could it hurt, so and I quote "erg, erg, Scott, OMG, Scott, use the side door because the gossip club has spies and OMG, OMG, use the costume garment bag to cover yourself if you pop a boner right away from Mrs. Conn because it can't start out that way! You know nothing about seducing a woman, Scott, nothing!" unquote.

[At the side screen door which was unlocked]

"[Knees knocking and lips quivering!] Hello? Mrs. Conn? Hello, it's me, Scott, Scott Sanders and I'm here at the side door, hello?"

[Click, click, click go the spy photos from the street, tap, tap, tap go the gossip texts]

"Hello? Mrs. Conn?"

[A breezy entry into the kitchen from another room while fiddling with an earring]

"Oh, hi there, Scott, come on inside and be quick about because my street has plenty of gossip club spies and I've been relatively clean on their agenda lately, so, OMG, get inside, Scott!"

[Click, click, photo snap until that young man disappears out of sight through the side door]

"So, what brings you by then, Scott, especially on a Saturday when you know that my son, Ben, is away visiting with his father, hmm?"

[Mrs. Conn leans the other way and fiddles with the other earring]

"Oh, Mrs. Conn, I just the messenger because my cousin, PJ said that..."

[Mrs. Conn tilts head to make the final adjust to her earring]

"Ah, yes, your flamboyant cousin, peanut butter & jelly, the favorite sandwich of half of married men in Middleton, just what did he-she or she-he or him-her or her-him or he be she or she be he, have to say hmm? And I'm not being rude or cruel to your cousin, but my "busy body" club has been meeting twice a week lately, which has interfered with my "be a modern woman" class schedule, so?"

"Now, now, Mrs. Conn, let's leave PJ out of this because and I quote "OMG, OMG, Scott, Scott, don't fall prey into a discussion of all of the "scorned housewives" clubs in Middleton because the focus needs to the two of you being alone, Scott, talk about that" unquote, so?"

[Mrs. Conn pulls at hair because a lot of women have a wall mirror in every room]

"Well, we housewives may over extend ourselves sometimes and I only mentioned how my Ben was away for the weekend as a footnote to set the scene, which is not nor was that a compliant, but I may or may not have run into PB&J at the grocery store the other day and now I quote the flamboyant one "OMFG, Mrs. Conn, you're both adults and the two of you, OMG, OMG, have been playing "bump my hip and I'll hip bump back" for a couple of years now, OMG, Mrs. Conn, it's OK!" unquote, so?"

[Seems to purposely dip head a little further this time to seemingly fiddle with the left earring again]

"Anyways, Scott, is that garment you're holding my new and improved Pilgrim lady costume, hmm? You know, the garment bag that seems to be throbbing, I mean, bouncing a little, hmm? And I assume it's an updated Pilgrim lady costume because I can that there is a hat bag attached to it, which probably has a modern bonnet in it, so? Oh, and I quote the man sandwich "OMG, Mrs. Conn, don't embarrass Scott over his freaky fantasy of finding a Pilgrim lady churning butter in the barn!" unquote, so?"

[Patiently waits for the hand off of the costume garment. With two hands on her hips]

Um, as for my footnote, folks, if you have a flamboyant cousin or other, don't trust him-her with your secrets, the end.

"Oh, the costume garment bag then, Mrs. Conn, um, we should talk about the other garment in the room, but first, I should quote PJ again because "OMG, OMG, Scott, Scott, a masquerade party is a free pass and nothing should be buttoned up to here, especially Mrs. Conn because she still carries it as well as she does for being 38 something plus four, Scott and I can't believe how you don't understand how a masquerade party free pass is a free pass, Scott! You know nothing, Scott!" unquote, so?"

"Well, I suppose we could start with the other garment in the room first, but it's legit because and I quote "OMFG, Mrs. Conn! You still have it and if anyone can wear a leotard body suit while preparing to change into a masquerade costume, OMG, Mrs. Conn, it's you! You! You and your fit body, Mrs. Conn!" unquote, so? Oh, and tell your flamboyant peanut butter & jelly sandwich cousin that I'm 38 something plus three, unquote myself, so."

"Well and I quote back, Mrs. Conn "Scott, Scott, Scott, it covers up about the same as a one-piece swim suit and so what if it's so sheer and stretchy that Mrs. Conn's nipples are obvious! They are what you dream about anyways! Turn in your "Boobs Man" card this instant, Scott!" unquote, so?"

"Oh, tee he, I hadn't noticed how thin this XXXXS body suit stretched out on me, Scott and I'm not deep breathing for you because and I quote "OMG, OMG, OMG, Mrs. Conn, the gamer boys have visualized you naked so many times anyways and you must rock a form fitting body suit and it can have a full coverage butt for this time! Do you know nothing about what guys want, Mrs. Conn, hmm?" unquote, so?"

[Mrs. Conn snatches the garment bag to change the subject quick!]

"Well, let's just see what the flamboyant has come up with for a modern Pilgrim lady for me tonight and I'd appreciate a little white lie on the score card, Scott, so?"

"And I quote, Mrs. Conn "OMG, Scott, OMG, Scott, OMG, Mrs. Conn gets one free pass for showing off at the masquerade party tonight, but there will be no free pass for a couple of leak worthy photos while teasing you stupid in her skimpy and sheer body suit! Free passes only go so far, Scott!" unquote, so?"

[Photo snap click, click, click]

"Well, back to the garment back then and while I'm rummaging though the garment bag and because we're in this 50-50, I quote "OMG, Mrs. Conn, it always plays out the that a full back coverage leotard is pulled tight into your booty crack because men love disappearing thong straps! Even if you have to make it yourself! Just how did you snag your hubby back in the day in the first place, Mrs. Conn, hmm?" unquote, so?"

I guess it was legit that Mrs. Conn turned her back to me while rummaging through the garment bag and homemade or not, her body suit was legit! And so was her exposed booty!

[Photo snap click, click, click]

"[Rummaging through garment bag] oh, well then, argh, shiver me timbers, Matey, I guess I be a lady pirate tonight, argh!"

"Oh, and I'm quoting PJ again, Mrs. Conn "OMG, OMG, Scott, you're an idiot because a pirate "lady" stays below deck and drinks Ale with the dirty pirate men and fondles their sabers! Mrs. Conn is a Mistress Pirate who stays above deck at the helm with her hands on her hips in an amazing pose and can be naughty with whatever saber she chooses because she has those types of hips, especially with the proper spreading of her feet past shoulder width! Do you know nothing about the high seas, Scott?" unquote, so?"

"[Still rummaging through the bag] well, fine, a few photos won't hurt since I'm half responsible for this, but that's enough for now, okay, Scott?"

"Oops because I'm quoting, Mrs. Conn "OMG, OMG, Scott, if dare try to get skimpy with the leak worthy photos of the body that you dream of every Monday, Wednesday and Friday night, erg, erg, I swear it and I promise it, erg, erg, I'll serve your next game night nearly naked in my booty shorts while your friends are there!" unquote, so?"

[Click, pose, click, twist, click, pose, click]

"[Continues shuffling through the garment bag] hmm, something tells me that probably has already happened before, but since PJ is your cousin, I trust everything was okay from your side. (Breath and be a modern woman) well then, argh, I guess me be an Irish Pirate Mistress tonight, argh, since the flamboyant on included a bad ass deep red wig too, argh!"

"And I quote, again, Mrs. Conn "OMFG, Scott, just dare Mrs. Conn to use the little bottle of novelty hair dye downtown because it washes out in 2 days and you know nothing, Scott, if you think a woman won't at least think about matching the Irish color of the upper wave with the lower wave, especially when since it might be red for you, Scott!" unquote, so?"

"(Breath Connie, breath) time out, Scott, but I keep the little bottle of novelty hair dye and set it aside for now (breath in, breath out, LOL, he likes that!). Oh, oh, oh my then because ah-ahh! Since when did Irish Mistress Pirates have a black lifting bra available to them, you know, out in the middle of the high seas, hmm?"

"And I quote, Mrs. Conn "Scott, Scott, Scott, movies take liberties with wardrobes and scenery like all the time and that doesn't stop people from going to the movies and tell me just what costumed man at the masquerade party is going to complain at all when Mrs. Conn's globes are lifted so high on the high seas that they become chin rests, hmm, Scott?" unquote, so?"

"Well, I still don't see what's wrong with my original old bitty Pilgrim costume because..."

"Excuse me, and I'm quoting again, Mrs. Conn "OMFG, Scott, you know nothing about women! Just convince Mrs. Conn to try on the push up bra and lowcut ruffled blouse and her reflection in the mirror will change everything and her confidence will raise higher than the high seas and that will take it from there. And learn something about women and confidence, Scott, because you know nothing as it is right now!" unquote, so?"

"(Giggles) well, the flamboyant Boi isn't exactly wrong, but I can't help but to notice that this extremely lowcut pullover ruffled blouse has an elastic band sewn into..."

"Oh, elastic band, Mrs. Conn, I have a quote for that because "OMFG, OMFG, Scott, turn in your other "Boobs Man" card right now because sometimes they sew in elastic bands just under the breast lines because it accents and highlights the size and shape of the boobs and everybody on the planet loves highlighted and accented boobs, especially at one of Mrs. Bentley's Masquerade parties because it's a free pass night, a free pass night Scott! OMG, you know nothing, cousin!" unquote, so?"

"(Giggles) what I would give to attend one of your family reunions, Scott, tee he, but, ahem, the Capri pants seem normal enough so, small, but almost normal, so, I'll consider..."

"And I quote, for the umpteenth time, Mrs. Conn "OMFG, Scott, don't you recognize fashion forward modified yoga pants that are one size too small when you see them? They are booty shaping and front shaping miracles! Turn in your "Ass Man" card this very instance, cousin!" unquote, so?"

"(Giggles) seriously, is there a family Sunday dinner this weekend or something that I could quietly slip into, hmm, LOL? Anyways, how many more quotes do we have to go through, hmm, Scott?"

"Oh, ask me about the boots, Mrs. Conn."

"(Giggles) well, the boots are..."

"Quoting again "Scott, kill yourself because these boots are perfectly in between club boots and hooker boots and more than one masked man will ask her if she has a string of condoms tucked into these boots, that are at the perfect height for her calves and explain that to Mrs. Conn very clearly before you kill yourself because you know nothing about boots, Scott, nothing!" unquote, so?"

"(Giggles) seriously, I'll sit at the kiddie table. So, um, the funky triangle hat in this hat bag because I'm not sure which way it goes because I've never been a Mistress Pirate before, so?"

"Quoting, of course, Mrs. Conn "Scott, you're stupid because the point of the triangle hat always points the same way as the nipples point! Forward, Scott, everything always points forward! OMFG, I'll kill you myself at our next family meal, Scott, because you know nothing about what points where or in which direction and it's always in the same direction and it's always forward where the lurking and gawking eyes are focused!" unquote, so?"

"{Giggles) and, of course, PJ is shaking and screaming in his higher voice and almost trembling all this time, right, Scott?"

"Not that this isn't getting old, Mrs. Conn, but "OMFG, Scott, Scott, Scott, I'm trembling and vibrating from getting your "Man Cards" reinstated and eek, erg, eek, erg, this masquerade party will be the death of me and I'm not even attending the party because Mrs. Bentley doesn't want to share her Champagne with any more people!" unquote, so?"

"Well, we wouldn't want the flamboyant Boi to die or anything since he-she does have his-her fans amongst the men, so, what else did PJ say, hmm, Scott?"

"As I remember it, Mrs. Conn "Scott, how can you even think that this is not a perfect photo op for when Mrs. Conn changes into her Mistress Pirate costume, hmm? You have to be a gentleman and stand behind her for modesty purposes, of course, but OMG, use the mirror in her bedroom to your phone camera's advantage and capture it all! Just what the hell did you learn in photography class anyways because it sounds to me like you learned nothing, Scott!" unquote, so?"

"Seriously, I'll serve the dessert at the next family meal, um, hold please.

[Tap, tap, tap, text sent]

"Anita, it's Connie Conn. I'm alone for Sunday dinner, so?"

[Weep, a quick response text]

"Eek! OMFG, Connie! I'll place U between my son & my nephew! Well, niece-nephew."

[A thanks text back]

"LOL, it's Dysfunctional Lane, right, Anita?"

[Weep, finally someone will visit response]

"First house on the left, Connie! Wear heels & stockings!"

I mean, it's not Dysfunctional Lane, folks! It's Dysfunctional Way.

"Well, Scott, I like the costume and I will try it on, under the modesty rules, of course, because I can't have sneaky mirror photos of me in mid change leaked out because..."

"Excuse me, ahem, quoting again, Mrs. Conn "OMG, OMG, OMG, has Mrs. Conn lived under a rock because the hat with a slightly dipped down head protects her face from full view of the camera and OMG, Scott, you know nothing for not bringing that up first! And Mrs. Conn knows you pop boners over her because all gamer moms figured that out decades ago, so, OMG, she knows that because Mrs. Conn actually knows some stuff, unlike you, Scott!" unquote, so?"

"Wow, I wasn't aware that women ever passed out, Scott, but I'm about too! Your flamboyant cousin is better than a trashy novel. Anyways, I'm still nervous because I've haven't changed in front of a man in a long time and I'm nervous that, um, I'm okay with a few photos, Scott, but, um, the process because..."

"My turn again, Mrs. Conn because "Scott, I'm going to poison your Sunday meal myself because the photo sequence goes (1) bare back in just undies, (2) undies and bra, (3) stretchy pants and bra, (4) ruffled shirt, all from the rear for modesty and privacy and with her arms forward across her chest and her hat tilted down and forward and then (5) a finished full frontal, including hat and OMFG, Scott, don't pop a boner over Mrs. Conn in her sexy costume!" unquote, so?"

"Scott, do not take advantage of me if I pass out!"

"And I continue quoting, Mrs. Conn "OMFG, Scott, I purposely skipped over photo 3A because she would have to leave her painted on pirate pants on, remove her bra and repose for that photo and that's when you sneak a photo of her titties because you whack off over her titties anyways and you need your whacking off material, Scott and Mrs. Conn is and always has been your dream MILF! OMG, don't drink the milk at our Sunday dinner, Scott because you're going down!" unquote, so?"

[Tap, tap, tap, text sent]

"Anita, I'll bring the wine to Sunday dinner! And a lot of it!"

[Weep, a quick response text]

"Eek! I'll have my nephew-niece meet U at the door, Connie!"

LOL, my mom is in for such a Sunday dinner surprise!

"Alright, Scott, we've come this far, so, it's show time with the boudoir changing photo op, but listen, Scott, can we can cut the play-by-play foreplay in half, hmm? I mean, I see something in future, but..."

"I mean, of course, Mrs. Conn because "(face slap, face slap, face slap) Scott, just because Mrs. Conn has fallen under your charms, I mean, she will be shower fresh clean for the party and OMFG, you know nothing if you think your dick will be getting wet today! That will come within the next few weeks!", unquote, so?"

"Whew, I'm glad your frisky cousin gave a few weeks because even though it seems like we're more than half way to one thing leading to another, whew, I'll take the extra three weeks to make sure of things because your mother is in the gossip club and all and I already said that I'm good standings with them right and..."

"Ahem, not to quote again, but "Scott, Scott, Scott, step out in front of a bus because what don't you understand about asking for a pot of gold to make sure that you get at least one gold coin anyways, hmm? When you want something in two weeks, you ask for it in four weeks and then things settle at three weeks! It's called negotiating, Scott! Turn in your "Seduction" card right now, Scott!" unquote, so?"

"OMFG! I'm wearing heels, stockings and a garter belt to this Sunday dinner!"

"Not to grind it out, Mrs. Conn but "you had better sleep with one eye open, Scott, because I swear it again, if your woman doesn't show up in a garter belt and black thong undies because "upskirt" photos from under the dinner table are still a thing and my followers demand it!" unquote, so?"