Mr. Flumpy

1.

Meet Mr. Flumpy.

He's a penis.

-----

2.

Mr. Flumpy has had many adventures.

I will tell you one of them.

-----

3.

This is the story of

How Mr. Flumpy Learned

How to Use a Napkin.

-----

4.

Mr. Flumpy is different from you and me.

He doesn't have to eat.

But he still has to use a napkin.

-----

5.

Mr. Flumpy has a mouth.

And, when he gets excited and carried away,

he begins to drool.

-----

6.

He gets excited by a number of things.

He's a big fan of art;

he likes looking at pretty pictures.

-----

7.

Art can be a classy thing,

but drooling never is.

One time, it got him into trouble.

-----

8.

Of course, it was also the fault

of Confining Garments.

Confining Garments wasn't really Mr. Flumpy's friend,

but they seemed to spend a lot of time together.

-----

9.

One day, they spent a lot of time

looking at pretty pictures.

Mr. Flumpy got quite excited, of course,

and he began to drool.

-----

10.

Unfortunately, he drooled all over Confining Garments.

Neither of them thought much of it at the time-

they were both quite excited.

-----

11.

Later, though,

they had to go out in public.

People began to stare.

-----

12.

Confining Garments was covered

in Mr. Flumpy's drool.

People began to point and yell.

They felt very bad, and had to go home.

-----

13.

The next day, Mr. Flumpy wanted

to look at pretty pictures again.

Confining Garments began to complain:

"Don't do that!

"I'll be covered in your drool again,

and people will point and yell at me!"

-----

14.

"But I want to look at pretty pictures,"

Mr. Flumpy replied.

"Then do it without drooling,"

Confining Garments demanded.

-----

15.

Mr. Flumpy tried.

He tried very hard not to drool,

but he got carried away,

because he was so excited.

-----

16.

He drooled all over Confining Garments again.

People pointed and yelled again.

-----

17.

The next day, Mr. Flumpy wanted

to look at pretty pictures again.

Confining Garments began to complain:

"If you're going to look at pretty pictures

and start drooling again,

I'm out of here."

And Confining Garments left Mr. Flumpy all alone.

-----

18.

Mr. Flumpy began to look at pretty pictures,

all by himself.

-----

19.

He got excited,

and began to drool.

-----

20.

Soon, he was covered in his own drool.

"This is no good!" he cried,

"I can't appreciate art

when I'm wet and sticky!"

-----

21.

Mr. Flumpy looked around

for something to absorb the drool.

-----

22.

He saw a pack of cigarettes.

"I'll try this," he said.

-----

23.

Mr. Flumpy tried the pack of cigarettes,

but a voice told him to stop.

It said, "You can't have those cigarettes-

they're mine, and I need them later."

-----

24.

Poor Mr. Flumpy!

He's still covered in drool!

Mr. Flumpy looked around

for something to absorb the drool.

-----

25.

He saw a block of wood.

"I'll try this," he said.

-----

26.

So Mr. Flumpy tried the block of wood.

It cleaned off the drool for a while,

but it made a puddle,

and then the puddle

sloshed all over Mr. Flumpy.

-----

27.

Poor Mr. Flumpy!

He's still covered in drool.

Mr. Flumpy looked around

for something to absorb the drool.

-----

28.

He saw a napkin, made of toilet paper.

"I'll try this," he said.

-----

29.

Mr. Flumpy tried the napkin,

and that worked wonderfully.

It soaked up all of his drool,

every last bit of it.

-----

30.

Mr. Flumpy got more excited

than he'd ever been,

and drooled

more than he ever had.

The napkin soaked up all the drool,

every last bit of it.

-----

31.

The next day, Mr. Flumpy wanted

to look at pretty pictures again.

Confining Garments began to complain:

"Don't do that! I'll be covered in your drool again

and people will point and yell at me!"

And Confining Garments began to leave.

-----

32.

Mr. Flumpy took out a napkin.

"What's that?" Confining Garments asked.

"Watch and find out," said Mr. Flumpy,

so Confining Garments stayed to watch.

-----

33.

Mr. Flumpy looked at pretty pictures

and got excited.

He began to drool.

-----

34.

The napkin soaked up the drool,

every last bit of it.

"Wow," said Confining Garments.

He was quite impressed.

-----

35.

From then on,

Confining Garments didn't bother Mr. Flumpy.

Mr. Flumpy could

look at pretty pictures,

and Confining Garments didn't

get pointed and yelled at.

-----

36.

That was the story of

How Mr. Flumpy Learned

How to Use a Napkin.

Mr. Flumpy has had many adventures,

and I'll tell you them

some other time.