My eyes snapped open, and I lay there for a moment, tense and still, wondering what had woken me so abruptly. Had I heard a noise? Was it a car backfiring, the sound of a dog barking...what? But there was nothing but the sound of my harsh breathing. Loud in the quiet room. And then I realised what had woken me, another erotic dream. I'd had one every night, for months now. Abstinence was a terrible thing sometimes.
My body felt the same it always did when I woke up like this. Covered in a sheen of sweat, my breathing harsh and uneven, my nipples tightened into hardened nubs, and the same, slick wetness between my legs. And the feeling of desperate disappointment, as if I'd nearly....
No! Don't go there, I admonished myself. Sitting up, I reached for the glass of water I always kept beside my bed and took a huge gulp, trying my best to cool my body down. I changed position and closed my eyes. Taking deep breaths, the way I'd been taught in meditation class. In, out, in, out, in, out, in..... It wasn't working. Why wasn't it working?!? It always worked, or I wouldn't have gotten any sleep for months.
What was it about tonight?? Why did it seem so much worse tonight? Why did it I feel so much more.... God. I sighed in frustration and absentmindedly tugged at the collar of the t-shirt I always wore to bed. It was several sizes too big, just the way I liked it. But tonight...it felt stuffy, and way too warm, like I was drowning in it. In one swift movement I pulled it off and threw it to the side and lay back down, sighing with relief as cool air hit my too-warm body. I lifted my hair off my neck and wondered why I'd never slept nude before. It was so...liberating.
The ache between my legs was still there. Begging for my attention. I'd never been comfortable with touching myself. I have no idea why. The only time I'd done it was when my ex-boyfriend had asked me to. It turned him on to watch. And to be honest, it had turned me on to have him watching me.
The very first time, I had closed my eyes at first, not wanting to see him watching me. He'd been murmuring words of encouragement...
'Yea baby, yea. Touch yourself for me....Yea, that's it....'
And then it had gotten quiet, too quiet. So I'd opened my eyes just a little bit, to see his expression...did he not like what I was doing?
He was completely still, watching my fingers on my clit, and watching the liquid heat seeping out of my pussy. His jaw was clenched, and he was breathing hard. And then it hit me that he was fighting for control... That he wanted to watch me touch myself, but not touching me was killing him. What could I do to make him lose all that control?
All the while I had been quiet, keeping my moans to myself, so I closed my eyes, and let myself go. I rubbed my clit just a little faster and moaned softly. I felt rather than saw his attention turn to my face, watching my expression. I let my lips part and my tongue run across them.
Slowly, I slipped a finger into my pussy. It was tight, but I welcomed it. I let out a strangled groan. In my effort to have him lose control, I was quickly losing control myself. I fucked myself with my finger, but it wasn't enough. I needed more, so much more.
