She walked out of the club with her chin held high. People cleared a path for her as she sauntered, full of herself, through the crowds and out the door. She managed to keep herself together until the door of her car closed. The second that thing latched shut she started to breathe again and screamed. The adrenaline was pumping through her veins with the speed of a train, making her heart beat so hard that she felt if she looked down she would see it swelling two feet from her chest like some lovesick cartoon character. She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the steering wheel, waiting for her body to stop shaking. Eventually it did, and she began to softly laugh to herself and she took a deep breath and leaned back in her seat.
She turned the key in the ignition and her beast of a car rumbled into life. She began to laugh softly, shaking her head and trying to sort out the mix of emotions flowing through her. She began to replay the events in her mind, but her brow furrowed as she realized what she had just thought about herself. Love sick? She wasn't love sick. Why did those words cross her mind. She didn't even know this man or anything about him. For all she knew he could have been a convicted murderer. No, she thought to herself, I'm not love sick. Love sick my ass.
Yet again, the torrent of emotions began to wash over her, just like it did the first time she was with him. She suddenly found that she was disgusted with herself, and what she had done. Then she thought about it a little more, probed a little deeper. It was true she didn't know this stranger, but did she know what he represented in her world? She had been going through the motions of her life for so long, like some kind of zombie. Her days came and went and were barely distinguishable from one another.
Now she was feeling guilty, but not because of what she had done with her stranger. She realized she had been cheating herself, and her children. She hadn't been living for years now, just sitting back and being content surviving. Then this man came into her life, and in the course of one silly little afternoon at work, one taboo moment of sexual misconduct, he had changed that.
She realized that she was alive again, that she was full of hope and thoughts of the future. She was filled with an inner fire that had not only been missing from her life for some time, but may not have ever been there in the first place. If it was, it had never been this intense, and she didn't want it to end. She smiled to herself and realized that she was hooked. Addicted. She laughed again, and honestly wondered if there was a 12 step program for this kind of hang up. Still smiling, she realized that if she was addicted that it was at least a good feeling, and resolved herself to being a junkie for the time being.
When she got home she walked in the house to find her friend Julie dozing quietly on her couch, a paperback novel on the floor by her feet where she had obviously dropped it while dozing off. Misty smiled as she looked down at Julie, grateful again to have such a wonderful friend in her. Julie had four children of her own, and every once in while they would take turns kicking the other out of the house and making them go out for an evening. Misty hadn't let Julie do that to her in a long time, and when she had called her up to ask if she would watch her girls Julie had practically jumped at the opportunity. Misty bent over and picked up the white paperback book, turning it over to read the cover. She wasn't surprised at the scantily clad woman or the muscular warrior man on the front, but she had never heard of a place called "Gor" before. Julie had some bizarre interests, and a fantasy novel about muscular men and big chested slave looking girls was right up her alley.
Misty set the book down on the coffee table and leaned over to shake Julie awake. Julie started, her breath catching in her chest as she looked around quickly and tried to figure out where she was. She relaxed as she looked up at Misty, and smiled at her as she stretched.
"Mmmmm, hey!" Julie yawned, "I must have dozed off."
"No shit," Misty laughed. "I could hear you snoring two blocks away."
"Bitch! I did not! Besides, if you had some decent coffee in this place I wouldn't have fallen asleep in the first place."
"Sure, sure. Blame it on me. Get your ass out of here so I can go to bed!"
Julie laughed again, and got up from the couch. After picking up her book, she began to walk towards the door. She was watching Misty closely, and after a few steps she stopped and cocked her head to the side. "You look different, Misty." She finally said, "what's his name?"
Misty's head whipped around, and her mouth dropped open into a gasp that erupted in a fit of laughter. "And what makes you think that my mood has anything to do with a MAN?" she asked, emphasizing the word man with a playful yet mocking tone as she crinkled up her nose. "I've known you for years, Misty." Julie lectured, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I've watched you come home from many evenings out. The only time I've ever seen you come home with that kind of saunter and twinkle in your eye is when you've had a fire unsuspectingly lit under your ass by a man. You had it the after the first time you went out with Jo, and you have it now. Tell me I'm wrong!" Misty blushed slightly, and Julie laughed at her. "Busted!"
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever!" Misty scoffed, grabbing Julie by the shoulders and pushing her towards the door. "Thanks for bringing up the asshole. Always nice to have your friends to cheer you up!"
Julie continued to laugh as she opened the door. "Uh huh, sure. Try to change the subject. You can't fool me! I'll lay off until you come down off your little high there, young lady. I will badger you about this new man in your life, and I want all the sticky details!"
"Yes Ma'am! But don't get all pouty when you realize I don't even know the guys name yet. Good night, Julie!" Misty said, as she saluted with her right hand and slammed the door in Julies face with her left, cutting off the series of questions that were about to explode from her wide eyed and shocked face.
She kicked off her shoes and smiled to herself, still reveling in the new feelings she had inside. She felt a sudden need to be close to her children, so she went to their room to check on them. The urge to be close to her children, to be reminded of who she was and what her role in life was, was almost overwhelming. These new feelings were wonderful, and she wasn't trying to get away from them, but the felt the urge to be grounded again. To have a little bit of reality back so that she could get come down from the clouds. She needed to reach out to the sweet angels that had kept her going for so long. They had reminded her in the past that she had to continue, but now she needed them to remind her that she had to live. She sat on the edge of her youngest daughters bed and stroked her cheek, a tear forming in her eye. An all encompassing sense of contentment settled over her that had been a long time in the coming.
She felt like she could breathe again. As if her life suddenly started to move again. She realized she had been asleep, just coasting through her days. Not living. Simply feeding the machine that was her body and not paying attention to world around her. Even though he would probably never know the gift he had given her, she would be grateful to this odd man for some time to come.