I think about this random night often and miss the intensity, the excitement, and the fear of being so vulnerable.
I met Ben on a usual creepy hookup site. I wasn't looking for anything serious but was looking for something specific. I had talked to a few guys before finding Ben but knew that he was the perfect guy for what I had in mind.
Of course I had to play a little hard to get to reel him in and I received all of the familiar game lines. He told me that I was pretty and how it was a shame that I wasn't with anyone, and that he would be so lucky to have me.
Everything was working out so well and my excitement in explaining to Ben had to be planned out for the perfect moment. I thought that he would be agreeable but had to be careful not to scare him off. In this day and age such a request can instill fear in a man with the "What if's?"
The conversation was so awkward at first. I was very apprehensive in explaining to Ben what I wanted and I worried about what he would think. So to begin I gave him brief details. I went on to tell Ben how I imagined him slipping into my home, coming up to my bedroom, and fucking me while being completely vulnerable to him.
By his immediate reaction I could tell that he was intrigued but unsure. So, I had to be a little persuasive in ensuring that he knew that I really truly wanted this. To be completely vulnerable to him, his touch, his need, and his every desire. I wanted to be used like his own personal fuck toy.
After a few conversations with Ben, I took a deep breath, and decided that I would finally invite him over. We had touched base on what I really wanted him to do to me and soon the excitement overtook the fear.
We had planned for him to come over late at night past "normal" hours. I instructed him to pull his car to the back of the driveway and that I'd leave the back door unlocked. All he needed to do was come in, walk up the stairs, make his way through the kitchen, and into my dark bedroom where I'd be waiting, asleep. And, he agreed.
When the night finally came I had a difficult time getting to sleep as I was to excited. To help me relax I took a couple of Ativan followed by some Smirnoff Vodka. I unlocked the back door, put on my satin nighty, and blissfully passed out in my warm bed. Everything from there is spotty and contains some of the best late night memories I have ever encountered.
I first felt his rough hands on my skin, they were cold and dry. His voice sounded so far away as he harshly whispered my name "Melanie." At that moment it didn't seem plausible that he was actually touching me. But he was.
His hands were touching my waist and roaming over my hips but I couldnt move or even open my eyes. I was glued in place to my bed and all I could do was feel.