As she drove Marissa could not help but wonder what the hell she was doing. She had some wild moments in her younger days, but this was by far the riskiest thing she had ever done. Traveling hours from her safe, happy home to meet a man? Why on earth would she risk everything that she had in her stable life? She had spent years talking to Mitchell. Years of good natured discussion. Years that had seen her go from a single 20-something, to a married mother. The last year had changed everything. Good natured discussion had turned to joking, the joking to teasing, and that teasing had evolved into a yearning that could only be satisfied one way.
Chain smoking her way across the states, Marissa's mind raced, what an incredible amount she was risking. Her marriage was amazing. Her husband the most understanding, loving man. It did not make sense, even to her, why she would do something that could possibly ruin that. She just knew that this was something she needed to do and there was no turning back at this point. Or was there? She could always turn the car around. True, Mitchell had traveled a long way to meet her, but he had always made it very clear to her that this was not something she should do for his sake, he knew what she was risking. She could stop this from happening at any moment. But she would not.
Marissa had spent years torn over the idea of meeting Mitchell. She could always reason her way into doing something that she wanted to do. What was the difference between talking sexually to someone, sharing sexual images with them, and actually meeting them? She had told herself that she was already cheating just by keeping in contact with Mitchell and that this weekend would be no worse than that. She told herself this, but did not truly believe it. She was unsure if she would be able to live with the guilt that she was sure she would feel. Would she really be able to never tell her husband this? She believed that having some secrets in a relationship was healthy, but this secret could ruin everything she had worked for with her husband.
Marissa arrived at the hotel. She sat in her car, still unsure if she could go through with it. She called her husband to let him know that she had arrived safely. He asked her what she had planned for the weekend. Just a lot of alone time she told him. Some time to get back to herself. He told her to be careful and call when she could. They exchanged "I love yous" and she hung up.
He had not questioned a thing when she had brought up the subject of her traveling away for a weekend alone. A weekend with no kids, no computer, no worries. Part of her wished that he had. Maybe then she would have given the whole thing more thought. Though this meeting had been years in the making, Marissa could not help but feel as though she was rushing into things.
Entering the hotel, Marissa began to feel nauseous. Her stomach a bundle of nerves knowing that she was just moments from something that she has wanted for so long. Her husband's last "I love you." rang through her head. She tried to push it aside, tried to not think about him sitting at home, wishing her a good weekend, completely clueless to what her true intentions were for that weekend. Her body moved as if it was on auto pilot. She walked to the desk, picked up the key that Mitchell had left for her and stepped onto the elevator. Like her body were being controlled by some outside force. And in a way it was. Her desire was what was driving her.
She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirrored wall of the elevator. She wondered if she was looking at herself as herself for the last time. It was possible that this experience would change her forever. It could change how she lived her life, and it could change how she saw herself.
She looked in the mirror again, scrutinizing her outfit and trying to put the other thoughts to the back of her mind. She had spent hours deciding what to wear. Though she was sure that she could show up in a burlap sack and Mitchell would still tell her how beautiful she was. She had picked the green dress for a lot of reasons, but mostly because it accentuated her figure. Mitchell always complimented her figure. The dress hugged every curve on her body. The plunging deep v neckline, the belted waist, the a line skirt that flitted out just a bit when she turned. She felt like a million dollars in this dress. Around her neck hanged a jade pendant that she had bought not only because of how it complimented the dress, but also because of how it rested at the top of her cleavage. The one thing that Marissa was not wearing was her wedding ring. It was tucked into her overnight bag. The last thing she wanted right then was one more reminder of what was at risk. She checked her hair in the mirror, gave one last look at the dress and then smiled at her reflection as the elevator reached the 15th floor and the doors opened.
Walking off of the elevator, the feeling of nausea was still there, but it was now more due to excitement than nerves. With every step Marissa was getting closer to something that she had longed for and thought about for a very long time. She was also getting close to possibly changing her life forever. Her heels clicked on the floor, she fountain in the hotel atrium flowed, a room service cart squeaked. Every sound was amplified. She was ultra aware of her surroundings. The sounds were like a security blanket at that moment. If she concentrated on them she had an easier time not thinking about the gravity of the situation.
Room 1550, she was there. The thought to just turn and leave overwhelmed her. Leave and go back to her happy life, leave and forget about Mitchell forever. She knew that was not an easy thing to do. She had tried to forget about him when she got engaged, tried to forget about him when she got married, tried to forget about him when she became a mother. She had tried so many times, but he was always on her mind.
Standing at the door Marissa took a deep breath, knocked, completely forgetting the key that she had in her hand. Everything was forgotten at that one moment when she lifted her hand and tapped at the hotel door.
Slowly the door opened. The moment was finally here. Mitchell and Marissa were face to face. She smiled a sheepish smile, held up her bag and laughed "Well, are you going to let me in?". Mitchell stammered "I'm sorry, I'm just....you're just....Yes, come in."
He held the door open for her as she walked entered the room. She walked past him and laid her bag on the table. Her face was flush. "I am so sorry for taking this long." "It's fine." "There was traffic, and then all of these idiot drivers and....." He watched her go on and on, waving her hands in the air as she explained why she was late. He knew that she rambled on when she was nervous. Silence only made things more tense for her. "Really, it is fine." he tried to reassure her. "I know it's fine, but I did not mean to stress you out. I should have called again, you probably thought I was not coming. I should have called. I should not have put you through that. I am such a jerk, all it would have taken was one.." Mitchell reached out and took her by the hand, pulling her closer to him. "...call."
Marissa smiled that shy, sheepish smile that he had gotten to know all too well over their years of communicating. He pulled her closer. She giggled. "Sorry, you know I get giggly."
"Stop saying you are sorry. There is nothing to be sorry about."
Now standing directly in front of Mitchell, Marissa felt a great sense of both excitement and trepidation. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her in even closer. Their bodies touched for the first time. This was the moment that they had been waiting for. The moment that they both doubted would ever happen. Here they were, face to face. Finally. The years of talking and flirting had culminated in this one moment. Marissa looked up at Mitchell. He was even more handsome in person than she ever imagined. Mitchell looked down at her and smiled. Oh, how she adored that smile. It made his whole face light up.
