For as long as I can remember, whenever I've seen a pretty girl in the street, at a restaurant, at a retail counter, in a classroom - pretty much anywhere - my imagination has run rampant with what I'd like to do. Given a flash of skin, exposed cleavage, a glimpse of leg or an innocuous smile, erotic thoughts would spring to the fore, and sex would be all that I could think about - in glorious and gratuitous detail.
Back at school, I'd be caught in a trance, staring rudely at the back of some poor girl's head, immersed in my own thoughts, and the teacher's words would not even register to my mind. The sight of a bra-strap would be enough to start me off, and I'd spiral into some fictional sexual adventure, starting with flicking the bra strap, moving onto pulling hair and ending in some wild sexual positions on the floor right there in the classroom.
It never happened, of course. My sexual fantasies have always been confined within my mind. Everyone has always thought of me as a little weird, and prone to daydreaming but I've never confessed what my musings entailed.
Despite my obsessive mind wanderings, I was able to engage in social interactions in a fairly normal way. I'd just have to suppress my thoughts as much as possible before they got out of hand. If I was with a girl in some social setting and my deviant thoughts started to take control and interfere with good social etiquette, then I had a few strategies, like bringing an unattractive person, or just excusing myself for a while. But when I got home in the evening, I'd use all of those thoughts as food for my stories and I'd jack off madly to those scenarios.
When the COVID pandemic arrived, everyone was locked down in their own apartments. We all went through a year or so of quarantine and isolation which was pretty tough for everyone, including me. I discovered that I lost the casual contact with the feminine side of the population - the source of all my material. And so, I tried to substitute reading, TV, movies, Youtube. But it wasn't the same, because mass-media told
their
story. I wanted to live my
own
fantasies, and make them up as I went along.
As society emerged from the lock downs, we were all compelled to wear respiratory masks. And while that was pretty uncomfortable for everyone,
for me that came with an unexpected upside.
Our lives returned somewhat to normal - working, shopping, socialising - but we all wore masks for a lot of the time. I discovered that the mask afforded me anonymity. Walking through the streets, sitting at my work-desk, catching the bus - I was behind a metaphorical and literal mask.
During the lock downs, I discovered that I had begun talking to myself quite a lot. I lived alone in my apartment, so I just let my thoughts spill out, because I was never going out to see anyone anyway.
With the advent of masks, I could continue to talk to myself. I mean, not loud talking. Just a murmuring mumble that only I could hear. It was almost inaudible. But the fact that I was putting my thoughts into words, and actually saying it, made it feel real. Like it was a scenario that might actually play out. It was like I was the narrator of my life, and maybe I could influence things to really happen. Sexual things. Things that I like.
If I was in a queue at the supermarket - socially distanced out of course - and I looked ahead to see a hot cashier scanning the items, I'd say in my mask, "I'd eat your pussy. Then I'd turn you around and eat your ass too. Right here at the register. You'd love it." Usually they would not react at all, but sometimes they'd look up and search out my eyes with theirs. I could pretend that we'd made a telepathic connection. But inevitably nothing would materialise when I reached the front of the queue.