I wrote this with in the matter of a few hours, and am desperately looking for feedback. Thank you!
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My work had been exhausting. It was the busy season at the restaurant, the holidays fast approaching. Thanksgiving was a few days away and Christmas was barely a month away. Alex and I had moved into our new apartment just before Halloween. Everything had been moving so quickly in our lives, we never had enough time to catch up. I finally got home from work around one in the morning. I silently slipped into the apartment, making sure that Balthazar, our Husky, was sound asleep.
I went about my nightly post-work ritual of taking a silent bath. I turned the light on and undressed in the bathroom, so as not to disturb Alex. I placed the stopper into the drain and turned on the hot water. While the water began running into the tub, filling the apartment with the scent of green apple, I lit candles of a similar scent, and carefully collected my work clothes. I threw the clothes into the hamper in the hallway, and tiptoed into our bedroom.
There was just enough light coming from the scented candles in the bathroom for me to see him breathing. Despite the chill of the late November air outside, the fan in our bedroom was on. It was the only way he could sleep. I watched his nude form for a moment, before reaching into the open closet and grabbing a short night gown. I let the satin run through my fingers a little before tightly gripping it and returning to the now steaming bathroom. I placed the gown on the towel rack and quickly pinned my hair up.
The water was perfect as I stepped in. Years of baths had allowed me to adjust to deathly warm temperatures, and with the chill of the night the immense heat surrounding my body was perfect. I could feel the tension of work slowly dissipating into the hot water. I reached for the shower radio we had installed when we first moved in and put on the smooth jazz station. I stopped and stared at it incredulously, not believing that they were playing Christmas music already. I quickly turned the radio to a soft rock station.
I slipped further into the bath, the water reaching just below my chin. The hair at the nape of my neck was slightly wet. I raised myself up in the bath so that water just covered my breasts. When the water settled after my movements, I could hear Alex moving in the bed, a soft moan escaping him. I turned my head to face the wall, as tears began to escape my eyes. Suddenly there was a massive distance between us.
Alex and I had been friends for years before we started dating. It wasn't until we were both 20 that we actually got together. We had been dating for three months before he officially asked me out. Since then, every spare moment had been spent with each other. Recently it felt as if those spare moments were quickly dwindling, even though we lived together. We moved in together after we had both turned twenty-one. Most of our family and friends said that it was too soon. We both tried to figure out how, after five years of friendship, three months of dating, and one year of being completely inseparable, anything could have been "too soon". However, as I sat soaking in the tub, I wondered if maybe they were correct.
Our schedules were so different. Alex was going to school full time and working part time, one right after the other, five days a week. I, on the other hand, was going to school, as well as working full time. While we both went to school on similar schedules, our work schedules were complete opposites. When he was coming home, I was leaving. And with the holidays, I was lucky to have one day off a week.
The tears became free-flowing as I remembered how long it had been since we'd had meaningful sex, or a meaningful conversation. As I began to remember the last time we had the former, my hands slowly began running up the length of my flat stomach, across my soft breasts and back down again. As my fingers drifted further down, bringing me to a very unsatisfying orgasm, the tears came harder. I missed him, desperately. I pulled the plug on my bath. As I reached for my towel, I heard Alex moving in bed again. I looked up quickly to ensure I hadn't disturbed him. He turned to face the door, the candles illuminating his face, his eyes gently closed.
I wrapped the warm towel around myself, drying off quietly, making sure there wasn't a drop of water on me. I let the towel drop to the floor, grabbing the satin nightgown, slipping it silently over my head. As it came down to grace my shoulders, I unpinned my hair, the steam having lightly curled my hair as soft ringlets fell down my back. I picked the towel up, brushed my teeth and turned off the radio before blowing out the scented candles. I was left in complete darkness, with nothing but the sound of my heart beat, the sound of Alex sleeping, and the scent of green apples.
I tiptoed into the bedroom once more, around to the other side of the bed, and slipped in so as not to disturb Alex. Despite my efforts, he turned again, his arm wrapping around my slender waist, pulling us closer together. The last thing I remember was him pressed against me, his face nuzzled into the back of my neck, breathing me in.
I felt the bed move next to me. It was then I realized that his arm wasn't around my waist any longer. An intense cold had settled upon me, my source of warmth having escaped the confines of our bed. I heard the unmistakable flick of a lighter. I turned in bed and leaned against the headboard.
"What's wrong baby?" I asked.
I saw the glow of the cigarette as he took a drag. He sat in the chair a few feet from the corner of the bed.
"I can't sleep next to you," he annoyed.
"Excuse me?"
"I hate this," he replied, a tremble in his voice.
I stopped suddenly. The tears sprung back to my eyes. This was it. It was over.
"Hate what, exactly?" I asked. A lump rose in my throat, my voice coming out choked.
"I hate not having you," his reply came out hesitantly, as if he wasn't sure of his words.
"What do you mean you don't have me? I'm right here baby," I replied quickly, my voice still weak.
"I don't have you. You go to school, you go to work, you come home and sleep. You take a bath every night and cry, as if I can't hear you, as if I'm deaf. It tears me apart. I want to go in there and hold you and tell you that no matter what it is it's okay, because I'm here, but I can't do that because I'm afraid you'll tell me to get out, and it will all be for nothing." The words came spilling out. The lump in my throat quickly returned to the nothingness from which it had sprung. I relaxed as I realized that all this time we felt the same thing and both of us were too afraid to say something about it.
I kneeled in the bed, slowly making my way across, in front of the chair. He took another drag as I stood up, as his eyes took in my figure courtesy of the orange glow. I took the three steps it took to reach the chair. As I reached him, I took the cigarette from his mouth. His breath stopped short as I took a drag and put out the cigarette in a nearby ash tray.
I felt his finger brush my leg gently, as if he truly feared touching me. I gently straddled him, my body just above his, my lips gently pressed to his forehead. I felt his hands slide up the satin that just covered my thighs, stop at my waist and slowly wrap around me. My mouth found his and kissed him softly, as if this were the first time. My tongue reached into his mouth teasing his, a soft moan escaping his lips into my mouth. I kissed my way across his cheek, reaching his ear. I nibbled and sucked softly as I felt him rise beneath me, his breathing becoming slightly labored.
"Please, don't ever be afraid to come to me," I pleaded.
