Thank god I'm almost home.
My erection hasn't gone down for at least 20 minute, and shows no signs of giving up. Much to my relief, the bus is practically empty, and I have a seat to myself. I was lucky in that regard, but not so much in love.
I'm 25, and not a bad looking guy—by my own account.
The problem is, I'm social awkward especially when it comes to women.
Another thing working against me is I don't have a car. I have a good job with the local government, but I also live in an expensive city. So a car payment is out of the question if I want a roof over my head and food to eat. Fortunately, there is a great bus system here, so I get along well enough.
Believe it or not the first time I kissed a girl was about 30 minutes ago-- pretty sad that it took so long.
I meet Renee online. She had just moved up here from a small Southern town, and wanted to meet a nice guy to show her around. I guess I fit the bill-- lucky me.
When we met in real life, I was so glad she was an actual woman that I looked past the fact that she was very large and very round.
Our first date had gone... okay, I guess. We agreed to meet downtown. I took her to a fancy restraint that wouldn't put too much of a strain on my wallet. From there I took her to a movie. Her online profile said she was a big geek, which was a big turn on for me. She also said that Return of the Jedi was her favorite movie. It couldn't have been more perfect, as one of the revival houses, here, happened to be showing Jedi that night. The theater had a modest crowd, and we found some seats near the front.
Now, I should have known something was up, when she started fidgeting in her seat. I ignored it, and continued to watch the movie. Half way through the film, she got up and walked out. I caught up with her outside, and asked her what was wrong.
"It wasn't as good as I remember it," she said.
I thought I'd blown it. But the next day, I got a text saying that she had had a wonderful time with me, and would like to see me again.
We went on a second date, and then a third. After each date, I thought I had completely blown it, but she sent me a text each time assuring me that she had had a wonderful time.
And that's pretty much how our relationship went. I figured this was just how it was between men and women. My only relationship prior to this point had been porn and my hand-- so I was glad for a change of pace.
But it didn't feel right, and at the end of our first month together things started getting weird.
If I had been savvier with women, maybe I would have seen the red flags. The problem was that I was just so glad to have a real woman actually pay attention to me that I didn't care.
What didn't feel right was the fact that Renee never seemed to have any time for me. For some mysterious reason, she took a job on nights and weekends, which pretty much put the brakes on our dating life.
I would try to arrange a date and she'd always be working. Then out of the blue, she would call, want me drop everything and go out.
A couple of things stand out here.
One time, she called and I went over to her place. I saw her waiting outside her door. Next to her sat a computer.
"I remember you saying that you liked to fix computers..."
I nodded.
"Well mine's broken. Call me when the computer's ready."
Then she quickly left for work.
I fixed the computer, and even paid for a new hard drive with my own money.
Another memorable incident came, when I finally was able to score a lunch date with her. The date went the same as it always did. She told me she had a nice time, and even asked if I would mail a letter for her-- I happily obliged.
When I got home, something just didn't feel right. I couldn't put a finger on anything specific, but something felt off about that date.
So I decided to check the online dating site where we meet. I didn't have a profile on there anymore, but Renee still did.
What do I see?
I see a recent post where she complained bitterly about how there were no nice guys in town. And the post went on and on about she was tired of going out on dates with losers.
That should have sent me running.
It didn't, though. I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment. After all, Renee was the only woman paying attention to me. So I forgave and overlooked a lot.
And that's a big reason why I'm in this embarrassing situation, right now-- with a hard on that just won't go away.
What happened was this.
Renee called me at work. She wanted to hang out, and I happily accepted the invitation.
"Where did you want to meet?" I ask
"At the library," she answers in her Southern drawl.
"Do you want to get something to eat first?"
"Not really."
We agree to a time. I'm so excited that I don't even hear Renee hang up.
It was Friday, and in the back of mind, I'm thinking that maybe she and I can spend some time together over the weekend.
At my desk, I can't concentrate. I need to walk around for a little bit, and clear my head. I decided to head downstairs and get something out of the vending machine. My boss is cool, and didn't mind if we took little breaks throughout the day, as long as we get our work done.
I'm so lost in my own little world that I didn't even notice my co-worker until I run into her. Anna is five years older than me, but she is beautiful. Not beautiful in the super model way, since she wasn't lean or tall. No Anna was short and curvy. She was also Native American which gave her something of an exotic quality. She had short black hair that curled around her ears, and big brown eyes that you could get lost in. My eyes darted up briefly, and I noticed the sweater she's wearing. The front is stretched out, and can barely contain her breasts. I quickly look away-- praying that she didn't see me take a quick peak.
"Sorry," I said quietly. I kept my eyes focused on the ground, and start helping her pick up the papers that she dropped.
"It's okay," she answered, "I was hoping to run into you."
She smiles at me then, and I notice her tuck a few strands of hair behind her ear.
I wasn't sure what to make of that, so I quickly excused myself and head downstairs.
Downstairs, I can't stop thinking about how good Anna looked in that sweater.
But I put any more sinful thoughts out of my mind. A woman like Anna would never want to have anything to do with a dork like me.
After work, I head over to the library.
Renee is twenty minutes late.
"Sorry," she says, "my shift went long."
"No problem," I answered.
"I'm glad you're here," she said. "See the library only allows you to use the computer for 30 minutes, and I wanted to look for a new job. With you here I can use the computer for an hour."
"What happened to your computer," I ask
"Gave it away to a friend," she answers. "Look are you going to help me or not?"
I nod.
So for about an hour, I watch as my girlfriend looks and applies for a few jobs online. All the while, I'm bored at out of my mind.
But I stay, and my reward is that I get to walk her home. I hold her hand, and as we walk I can feel a stir in my pants. By the time we reach her place, I'm ready to throw her down, and have my way with her right there in the drive way.
Instead, I nervously asked: "Would it be all right if I kissed you?"
She sighs, and then puckers her lips.
I kiss her. I want it to last forever, but she quickly pulls away.
I feel light head, and dizzy—the whole world feels like it's spinning around me.
I see Renee look down at my crotch. And when I look at her again, I swear I can see a trace of a smile on her lips. It's not a pretty smile, either. No, there is something smug about it.
"Well," she says, "You'd better get going. Don't want to miss your bus, right?"
Before I can respond, she is already inside, and closes the door behind her.
I'm still stiff, as the bus pulls up to my stop. Fortunately, the stop is right outside my apartment. I step off the bus, and sigh-- resigning to relieve myself in the shower, and then spend another night alone.
Across the street, there is a bar. And, strangely, I think I see someone waving at me. It looks like my co-worker Anna.
My head tells me to just go upstairs. But, I'm not thinking with my head at the moment, so I walk across the street.
Anna smiles as I approach, and I see her tuck a few strands of hair behind her ear.
"What are you doing her," she asks.
Anna looks amazing. She wears a one piece form fitting dress. And, it's only now that I see just how full her breasts are. If I wasn't already hard I would be now. Still I feel a pain in pants, as my erection begs to be set free.
"I... uh... live across the street," I say. My throat feels dry, and I struggle with the words.
"I'm glad you're her," she says, "Can I confess something?"
I nod.
"This is the first time I've gone out of the town, since my divorce. I actually was about to leave..."
She moves in a little closer, and I can feel my heart race.
"I was kind of embarrassed to go in, you know. I don't really have anybody to go in with me."
Her eyes drift down.
Oh god, I think, she is going to see my...
She looks up, and stares at me for a moment. Her expression is hard to read-- stern, perhaps or possibly angry.
"Buy me a drink," she says. Her voice is hoarse and throaty.
We barely touch our drinks, and our conversation is sporadic.
But, I do catch her looking down at my crotch several times.
"You know," she says, "all I really want is a nice and decent guy."
She smiles at me, and touches my arm.
The sensation is electric. And I want her more than anything else in the world.
"Those seem to be in short supply," I say. I don't mean to sound as bitter as I do, but the bitterness is there nonetheless.
She frowns, and takes a sip from her drink.
"You're not very good at this are you?"
I shake my head. And, figure I've completely blown it.
She sighs. I watch as her breasts momentarily raise up, and then down as she lets out her breath.
"It's okay," she says, "I'm nervous too-- nervous and excited."
She takes another sip of her drink, and then looks me in the eye.
God those beautiful brown eyes.
"You said you live across the street."
I nod.
She puts a hand on my thigh. And, I feel my cock suddenly twitch in my pants.
"Then what are we waiting for?" Her voice is low and throaty, and I need no further hint.
The elevator ride is long, but mercifully we are alone. We're both silent.
Sometimes I look down at her, and when she catches me she smiles and turns away. I do likewise when I catch her looking up at me.
It's not until half way up that I realize that she is holding my hand. Anna's hand is cold and smooth. In contrast, Renee's hand had been warm and sweaty.
I open the door to my apartment, and fumble for the light switch.
