I only write when I have something to say, or I'm mischievous or ... oh well ... whatever. For this story I'm mischievous. There is no sex in the story but is rather a bit of BTB and "how'd dey do dat?" from the point of view (POV) of the dey of 'dey do dat?'.
I've actually been dealing with some non-terminal health problems and this is a good break from worry / concern / farting around / feeling sorry for myself / fucking off / imbibing / adjusting / imbibing a bit less / imbibing a bit more / moving on in a healthy way / "UUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMM" (sitting cross legged in the lotus position while holding my arms out from my sides with my index and thumb touching - new age stuff. It hurts just thinking about sitting that way)/ .... / life? I'm sure you get the idea.
I've been tossing this idea around in my mind for a while now and I think that this one works (until it doesn't).
As always, my work like works by many other respected authors ( if you don't laugh at this one, you really don't have a sense of humor) in this fine website has been 'suggested' edited by Microsoft Word. Any errors, real or imagined, are the authors alone. I've made some serious efforts at proof reading. It is not laziness or distain for the reader if some are 'missed'. However, if you find more, have a great time. I'm sure that that it will provide you with a level of fulfillment.
YES THERE ARE INCOMPLETE SENTENCES.
THIS IS THE CHARACTER'S SPEAKING/THINKING TO HIM/HER SELF.
YES, THIS IS ALSO NOT A 'HOW TO DO SOMETHING' story.
The lead is specifically a neophyte to cloak and dagger/spying/technology and revenge. Looking at the recent spate of carjackings and burglaries, I saw that cameras are powerless against disguised assholes. (Asshole is the proper technical term here.)
All my hero has is her intelligence, observations patience and hard work.
She is just a regular non-techie but patient as hell with a drive and determination of someone born with a plastic spoon in their mouth.
I know that her actions are flawed so read this with a grain of salt.
A trusted reviewer did tell me that it was possible.
I asked him if there was a sanity clause too.
(An old Marx brothers movie shtick from A night at the Opera.
Google it)
IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE MY STORY, (or sense of humor) ASK FOR YOUR MONEY BACK.
I used to say 'Save yourself' but I came to realize that many people did not want to be saved from themselves. Their own opinions of themselves were sometimes much higher than warranted.
(This includes yours truly. Nobody gets out of here unscathed.)
IF MY STYLE OF WRITING BUGS THE SHIT OUT OF YOU,
( Believe me, you will not be the first or the last,
and you will have to stand in line ... )
SAVE YOURSELF
( Oh shit, I just said it )
AND DO NOT READ THIS STORY.
HOWEVER, YOU DON'T GET TO WHINE ABOUT IT IF YOU READ IT.
SAVE US ALL FROM YOUR WHINING.
In a side note, I have been associated with IT ( Information Technology ) people most of my past professional life. I've learned much. This includes developing a sense of when some things I was told about just did not sound quite right. Those were things I needed to recheck (and did) with others. Not everything said by all the people in that field stood up to closer inspection. In this story, I've kept/used some of those inaccuracies. (This was information that was technically correct in only very specific circumstances such as when the moon was full and you were facing east after midnight on a Tuesday in late April on even numbered years evenly divisible by 3 during a rain storm without lightening, ...). Do you recognize this sub-set of IT people? Have you come in contact with people like this?
I have also included other ideas that 'significantly less Information Technologically knowledgeable advanced people' have related to me over the years. I have used those conversations to insert a realism into the character. This is not a how-to manual. Don't bitch about it if that is what you have decided to be upset about.
I have had many tests recently and my patience level is way below acceptable levels.
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On the way to Midway Airport from 'Da Loop' ( Downtown Chicago )
'Son-of-a-bitch, can that fuckin' cabbie get out of the mother fuckin' way? Shit, and it's a mother fuckin' PRIUS? SHITMOTHERFUCKERASSHOLESONOFABITCH! Don't you know how to fuckin' drive?' I'm runnin' late and gotta catch my god damn mother fuckin' plane. Midway's not that fuckin' big or that far out of downtown Chicago, but JEEEEEESSSSSUUUUUUSSS CHRRRRIIISSSTTT.'
Got caught by my fuckin' talkative boss again while I was on my way out, again. I gotta get to the fuckin' plane to present our bid for fuckin' consideration. This one will be one fuckin' great bonus if we seal this fuckin' contract.
Fuck.
My work summoned Uber finally stopped in front of the parking garage and transit station. The lines for cars for departures and arrivals were backed up for blocks. It's the same every weekday every fucking time I leave from Midway. I hate leaving during rush hour. I threw a twenty at the driver for second tip while he pulled my bag out of the trunk. Now to join the lemmings and run to the TSA PreCheck line. Dodging around people on the walkway on the bridge over Cicero avenue is always fun. Assholes are walking as if they are at Costco and leaving their cart in the middle of the fuckin' isle so nobody can get around 'em. It's always a shock to them when a terse "MOVE IT" jolts their world. Don't you fuckers know that slower traffic keeps right? Stay out of my fuckin' way.
At the end I suddenly see that there's a short bearded fat-assed bike currier holding a sign with my name on it and the word '1913!PMorgan'. That was the year JP Morgan, a robber baron that died filthy rich nearly 110 years ago.
That's the password I use for two of my investment accounts.
I stopped in front of the currier and looked at him closely. He looked at a picture of me he was holding in his hand then smiled. In a gravelly voice reeking of old whiskey and cigarettes he croaked "Ron Westerfield, package for ya."
His grease stained fingers presented me with a bubble wrapped tablet. As soon as it was in my hands, he ran down the bridge with the crowd toward the parking garages. He turned the corner in seconds and was gone.
'What the fuck was goin' on? I looked down, THIS IS MY FUCKIN' TABLET. My scratches, my dirt and my pen marks.' I felt where I had gouged the back. It was mine. I put in my password and it opened to a text file.
"Hello Mr. Westerfield. Before you go any farther you need to know that this file will completely disappear in less than 90 seconds. Attempt to take a picture of this and it disappears immediately. You are not technically proficient so do not try."
'Fuckin asshole got that right.'
"Did you like the sign that got your attention? Yes, I have your passwords and I have already changed most of them as well as your security questions and answers and the back-up email accounts notifications. I have taken your control over your accounts - email accounts, Roth, IRA, SEP-IRA, 401Ks as well as your taxable brokerage financial accounts. I did not forget about your many bank accounts either. I even changed your Netflix account for fun. You will not be able to access any account quickly. Do not think of attempting to change your passwords in the next couple of hours. By the way, I have your phone locked out too. I cancelled your cell service hours ago to make sure that it is now a door stop. You have been so very busy today that you may have not noticed the lack of calls.