Love for Leona

Leona had been texting and trying to phone Gareth for several days, and had no answer. His sister Jules had answered on one occasion but she had gone to Sydney for the week and could no longer be reached.

Then the following Monday night he called her and apologized saying that he was working on his book down at Queenscliff. His voice was distant and formal. His book on computer programming had to be completed. 'I'm afraid I'll be out of contact for a few weeks yet,' - explaining. 'I need time on my own. My publisher has given me to the end of November to complete my book. And I've got to get it done.'

'Okay,' she said peeved. 'Maybe I'll see you around.' She quickly hung up.

She decided to let it ride; didn't want to make an issue out of it. But it was to become a consistent pattern. She would ring or text him, leave messages, and it would be days before he got back. He was courteous, polite, but always aloof, saying, 'I'm really tired and I'm sorry. I've been working long hours.' It was like talking to a stranger - frustrating.

The days that followed were almost unbearable for Leona. She knew she like Gareth immensely, that he was different from the other men in her life. I loved spending time with him, she thought. I felt I could really be myself around him. And that I had broken my negative cycle of relationships. And he liked her, she was sure. But she had wantonly rushed things to the point of seducing him when he would have held back giving their relationship time to grow.

Every time the phone rang, she would rush to answer it, hoping it would be Gareth. But he didn't call.

But one afternoon he did answer his cell phone. His words were chilling.

'You're crowding me. I never agrees to any heavy commitment with you, Leona. I want you to hold off. I need breathing space for a time.'

He then explained that he needed space and privacy, that he did not want involvement. 'Look, I'm very busy, Leona. I can't talk now. Sorry, I can't.'

He was about to end the conversation, and she knew if she hesitated he would be gone forever.

'But I don't want to invade you,' she protested. 'I thought you said you liked me and we seemed to be getting on so well. And you're not involved with anyone else, you told me.'

'And I don't intend to become involved.' He had deliberately injected a note of coldness in his voice.

'I need time on my own,' he repeated after a moment. 'I never agreed to an on-going relationship. What happened between us sexually that night in your flat was unintended on my part. And we'd both been drinking.'

'But we'd gone out several times. We got on well.'

'Yes. But I understood it was to be on a friendship basis. I can't cope with a full-on relationship at the moment.'

'We must talk,' - almost begging.

His voice was cold. 'Talk about what?'

'Problems,' - challengingly - 'yours and mine.'

There was a silence. 'I'm afraid you're a bit too controlling,' - an acid tone in his voice. 'I don't want to be monopolized. I need time to myself.'

'So we can't be any more than acquaintances,' - her voice unsteady. 'I thought you were different,' - coldly - So, you're going to be like all the others and let me down too?'

'That's how it's got to be!'

Leona rang off. That night she couldn't sleep, tossed and turned - it was impossible to force Gareth Hamilton from her mind.

She was hurt, angry in her disappointment. The following evening she sat alone at the local hotel.

She had been so convinced she had broken her negative pattern with Gareth, seeing him as the one man who would treat her with respect and who wouldn't let her down. She had been so wrong in her assessment of him.

Seated not far from her in the hotel lounge was a shabbily dressed older woman who moved closer to Leona.

'You don't mind if I join you,' - politely - 'I'm not comfortable sitting here on my own. You're not expecting anyone, are you?'

'No,' - indifferently - 'I'm expecting no one.'

She tried desperately to control her feelings.

'He's not worth it,' - were the words she heard. She turned to find the old woman peering at her. Leona shot her a surprised look.

'He's not worth it, - repeating - 'none of them are!'

Leona got up and went to the door, then rushed out to the taxi stand. She couldn't hold back the tears.