Loss 1

Fucking bitch! I hate her. Actually, I wish that were true. It's far preferable to the constant unbearable loss I feel. How could she do it? It's not like I ever thought I was in her league. Hundred pound weakling types don't normally land tall blonde leggy girls like Emma; unless they're rich and famous. Since neither of those describes me I can't say I ever understood what she saw in me in the first place.

I never asked her to tell me she loved me; never even asked her out. We met at a mutual friend's party. Damn was she hot that night. Emma looked more fabulous than any fully clothed woman has the right to in these form fitting blue jeans and a simple white Tee. Her eyes met mine; she smiled and I was lost from then on. She approached and just started talking to me. I love the sound of her voice; it's the sweetest sound I've ever heard. God I miss her voice, her laugh. Her eyes sparkle when she laughs.

Clouds blot out the stars painting the night sky in inky blackness. The dark seems deeper, fuller and more engulfing than any I can recall. Is this hell, I wonder; the outer darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. The ache in my chest is more than tears could possible release. I would scream if I could find the breath. Rage and hate and dread mingle with inexpressible sorrow.

"Why Emma? Why?" my words echo in the emptiness of what was once our apartment.

I've tried to erase the memories; desperate to forget. Forget her. Forget that night. However I try the images won't leave me.

Emma is naked and flat on her back legs splayed to the sides. A familiar form occupies the space between thrusting wildly into my enraptured girlfriend. Sweat covers their entwined bodies. I am struck most by the passion in their kisses. Emma's lips reach hungrily for his; low moans of delight escaping as she finds them. Her bright blue eyes gaze adoringly into his face while her hands grip firmly to his ass urging him to thrust deeper and deeper into her being. Her need of him is clear as is the pleasure of having him.

"Oh Garrett!" the words still seem to be reverberating through the room; breathy and full of the sweetness that made me love her so. How often she had uttered my name in the midst of the same pleasure. "I love the feel of your cock in me," she gushes. He nuzzles her neck as the fluid motion of his hips continues unabated. She arches her back giving one final growl of lust. He presses hard into her grunting as he fills her with his seed. They collapse together tenderly kissing and caressing each other.

The look of utter contentment on her face quickly turns to shock as she sees me standing motionless in the doorway. "Brian!" Stammering for words Emma scrambles for something to cover her nakedness. "I didn't want you to find out like this, but…" I heard little she said. Something about trying to fight her feelings or some shit like that. Garret is still lying on his side on the floor gloating. He makes no effort to cover himself. Rage overcomes me and I lunge forward swinging wildly at his smug face.

My memory is a little fuzzy on the rest of the details. Getting your ass kicked by a two-hundred and fifty pound naked gorilla can do that. I may have had moral indignation and the fierceness of an all consuming rage in my corner, but I quickly learned that doesn't help much when a guy outweighs you by a hundred pounds of muscle. I got a black eye, a broken nose and several bruised ribs to match my bruised ego and shattered heart. He got a laugh and my girl. He got my girl…

Thoughts of her still consume my every waking moment. I can't stop thinking of her smell, her touch, the silky feel of the skin on the small of her back; so many memories of her with me. She always slept in the nude. It made it near impossible at times to go to sleep. Emma would press her body against mine. The smell of her hair would fill my soul with joy. I would wrap my arms around her reveling in the electric sensation her nearness aroused. "I love you," she would coo. I could rarely reply too overcome with emotion at how lucky I was.

If I close my eyes I can feel her roll on top of me. Our naked bodies pressed together. She kisses my chest and neck working her way slowly toward my face. Her lips are soft and wet and indescribably delicious. I often thought she could have made me cum just by kissing me. My hands glide over the delicate softness of her back down to her firm tight little ass. She rises, her breasts dangle above me like ripe fruit. I breathe in her left nipple and then the right. All I want to do is devour her.

Her legs part falling to either side of my hips. Emma presses her wet sex down onto my swollen cock. I'm struggling not to cum. Gently at first, but then with increasing pressure and pace she strokes her moist slit back and forth over my shaft. I can't help but groan at the growing ecstasy. My fingers paw at her anus, which makes her giggle. She likes when I do it, although she begins her weak protests telling me I'm a pervert. Several more passes along my length before she pushes herself down hard on my stomach and slides backwards taking me into her.

I have to stop her movement to keep myself from cumming. The sudden sensation of entering her always does this to me. I hold tight waiting for the feeling to pass. Emma leans down and kisses me lightly on the mouth; her eyes gazing at me adoringly. I ease my grip on her hips and they begin to grind back and forth in steady rhythm. She is all around me and in me and part of me. The sweet scent of her skin mingles with the sound of her lovely moans and I feel transported to some other level of existence. All too soon I come crashing back to reality as I can no longer hold back.

I see a momentary look of disappointment on her face before she rolls off to snuggle next to me. I apologize for not lasting longer to which she smiles and shakes her head. She's told me a hundred times to stop being so insecure. We kiss and caress each other for several more minutes before falling asleep.

The movement of the bed stirs me from slumber. I open my eyes slowly staring into the pitch darkness. The bed is still shuddering slightly. I hear a soft moan from Emma's side. Her back is to me. As my eyes adjust to the light I can tell she is on her side with her left leg bent her knee pointing straight up tenting the covers. Another moan slightly louder than the first rises into the darkened silence. Emma's breathing is quick and shallow. I am about to ask her if she is alright when I realize what she is doing. I lay motionless trying not to move. The light is too dim to see much, but my other senses come alive. I hear the distinct if soft slurping sound of something sliding in and out of her pussy. The smell of her juices is a pungent musky sweetness. She struggles to be quiet, but the rising tide within her is winning. Every moan grows more perceptible as does the movement of the bed.

Emma throws her head back and pounds her cunt relentlessly with one of her dildos. Rolling onto her back she kicks off the covers. She is completely exposed; legs spread her feet up off the mattress; one hand furiously thrusting a large long cock in and out, while the other massages her clit in short circular motions. Audible groans escape. No longer able to bear it, I reach out and caress her stomach. She growls with need. I try moving my hand lower, but get in her way. Even in the darkened room I can see her glare at me or maybe I just feel it. I back off and let her push herself into an orgasm. I shut my eyes and listen to her coo with satisfaction. Her body seems to be quivering as a light film of sweat glistens in the gray vapors of light eking in through the corners of the closed blinds. Emma slowly relaxes and her breathing becomes more normal.

I attempt to slide between her legs and insert my raging hard-on into her just fucked hole. She informs me she already has a cock for that particular space, but her ass was free. The white of her teeth show as she smiles wickedly. I nearly cum at the thought of it. Awkwardly I fumbled around trying to push into her tight anus. "I was just kidding," she laughs pushing me off with one of her feet, "You're such a pervert." A moment later she has discarded her toy and is on all fours inviting me into her. My cock enters with no resistance.

The clock on the wall gongs the hour. I am pulled from my dreams, keenly aware of how utterly alone I am. It seems darker as though I've sunk deeper into this abyss of loss. The momentary bliss of remembering her nearness is swept away with the ache of missing her, wanting her, needing her. The hour is late. She is probably in bed with him at this very moment. Her naked body pressed against his. I can imagine he is fucking her relentlessly; satisfying her sexual needs like I obviously couldn't. Not that she ever gave it as a reason for leaving me for Garrett, but it is a notion I just can't shake free from my head.

In the depth of my despair I actually followed them one Saturday night. Followed them from club to club and then back to their house. I snuck up under their bedroom window and watched them through the space between the window and the shade.

I watched as they tore each others clothes off. I watched as her lips nibbled thier way down his abdomen and onto his cock. I saw her suck him off gazing up at him from her knees innocent and sweet. I watched as he lifted her onto his face and they lay locked in a sixty-nine for what seemed an hour. I saw him fingering her slit and her ass all the while she greedily devoured his dick. Once he had his fill of her nectar I watched as he spread her wide on the bed and fucked her. Her knees locked under his shoulders and nearly pushed up to the sides of her head. I could hear her cries through the closed window. I watched him pound into her over and over and over; every time eliciting the same cries of delight. I listened as she moaned and begged him to fuck her harder. I listened as she praised him telling him he was the best fuck she had ever had. I watched as he poured his lust into my love and then watched as he spewed his cum all over her stomach and chest. I saw her smiling with wantonness dip her fingers in it and touch it to her tongue then scoop more until she had wiped herself clean. I watched as they lay together their mouths passionately kissing each other. When he moved her onto her stomach and crawled on top already hard again, I sank to the ground. I listened as he pleasured her again and again.

Fucking bitch! Fucking beautiful perfect goddess, who stole my heart with her mesmerizing blue eyes and lovely smile, just to rip it out and tossed it in a dumpster. I wish I could hate you or at the very least forget. My eyes grow heavy with sorrow, but sleep won't come for hours. My mind will race with thoughts of her. Hopefully when it does come it will be the peaceful dreamless slumber of the dead, who neither feel pain nor the emptiness of loss.