Long Distance Is a Bitch

I entered the apartment and was relieved that my roommates were still sleeping in their room. I did not need to deal with their questions about where I had spent the night. I went to the bedroom, change into a bathrobe and went to the bathroom to take a long shower.

Throughout the shower, I mulled over the previous night's events, especially how fast they had unfolded. Even when I entered Dustin's apartment the previous night, I had no inkling that I even felt any sort of attraction to him, forget the idea of sleeping with him. But as I thought back to the time I had spent with him, there probably had been some sort of special rapport between us, if not chemistry. I had always found him easy to talk to, interesting, kind, and a great friend. But maybe I had subconsciously felt something more, something I had refused to even recognize because I was still convinced that I was still in love with Parag.

But once I got an inkling of Parag cheating on me, and ditching me for the umpteenth time, maybe my mind, unshackled thanks to the weed, had recognized the attraction and given in to the moment. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying it was all weed or even mostly weed that led to last night's events. I don't believe weed, unlike alcohol, can make you do stupid things that you later regret. But it does make you think more clearly. Or make you think you're thinking more clearly.

So...what exactly had last night meant? Was it just a one night thing, meant to relieve the stress of a tough couple of weeks? Or did I really feel something special towards Dustin? And what was I to him? Just an attractive woman who ended up being in a vulnerable state and giving in to his charms? Or was I something more? He had, of course, shunted me out in a hurry because Vicky was coming.

Questions. Questions.

I turned the shower off, dried myself and returned to my bedroom. The hot shower had made me sleepy again. So I just threw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and crawled under the sheets. Within minutes, I was asleep.

I woke up at noon, and checked my phone which was still on silent mode. Five more missed calls from Parag, and three voicemails, all of which I assumed were from him. I knew I had to talk to him eventually. There's no way this could continue. I had to tell him about Dustin, confront him about his woman on the side, and break up.

But I needed some coffee first. I went to the kitchen, brewed a tall cup, and with it sat down in front of the TV. My roommates were not around, and I assumed they had gone for their weekly grocery shopping trip. I flipped the channels and froze when I saw the headline on one of the news channels.

"NC Mall Gunman Stand-off."

There was a reporter in front of a mall talking to a group of people, one of whom was positively Parag. What the fuck is this, I thought to myself and turned the volume up.

'We're talking to some of the shoppers who were holed up in the mall for several hours last night when a gunman went on a shooting rampage in a college town in North Carolina last night. Fourteen people were shot, two of whom are in critical condition, but thanks to the alert mall security, there have been no deaths so far. Here we have a group of people who have been released by the police after preliminary debriefing and first aid. They were all holed up in different parts of the mall as the gunman made rounds for several hours until a SWAT team shot him dead.'

What the fuck?

'Yes ma'am, you were in the jewelry store?' she asked a young white brunette standing next to a blonde man.

'Yes, My husband and I were in a jewelry store on the 3rd floor at about 8 PM when I heard gunshots. Immediately, I feared the worst. I rushed out of the store with some other people and saw pandemonium. Most people ran down the stairs, and we were about to as well, when the gunman started firing shots in the air. We ran into the corridor where a mall cop directed us into one of their offices.'

'And how many of you were there?'

'About twenty of us.'

'And what happened next.'

'We closed the solid wooden door, turned the lights off and stayed silents. There was still sound of sporadic gunfire. The mall cop asked everyone to stay completely silent, and he radioed for help. My husband and I were really scared.'

All the time, I was listening to everything with shock, and staring at Parag, who was a few feet away from the couple, looking very shaken. The reporter then thrust her mike in front of Parag's face.

'And you sir, were you also in that office?'

'Yes, I had gone to buy my girlfriend a gift from the jewelry store, and I also heard gunshots.' I heard my boyfriend say. 'We all went to the office and hid out there.'

'For how long?'

'Almost midnight, so about four hours. We kept hearing random gunshots through the night. The gunman was obviously walking around the mall, searching for people to kill. At one point, he passed by right outside our door. But we all stayed silent and he didn't realize anyone was in there.'

'Lucky escape. And you miss'

The reporter turned the mic to another woman next to Parag.

I ran to the bedroom and got my phone. Immediately I dialed Parag. It went to voicemail at once. Called him again. Voicemail again. I then called my voice inbox to listen to Parag's messages.

"1st message, sent Saturday at 12:15 AM Hey darling, it's me. You must be worried about why I haven't been answering your calls. Well, I don't know if you heard about the gunman on a rampage in a mall in my town, but I was in there. Hiding in a room. With the phone on silent. We were all told to not answer any phones and stay silent, so I couldn't call you back. And the one time I answered, people around me made me hang up at once. It was for the best because we're pretty sure the gunman was outside our door. Anyway, it's all fine now. I am okay. I am just sitting in a police ambulance, while they check me out. But I am not hurt in any way. Just shaken. Talk to you soon. Will try calling again soon."

"2nd message, sent Saturday at 2:25 AM Hi Anar. Ummm haven't heard back from you. Maybe you're sleeping. Maybe you thought I bailed out again, so aren't answering my calls. Maybe you haven't heard about the gunman. Anyway, call me back as soon as you get this. And I promise, I am not bailing out of the trip. I will catch the next bus I can. I am supposed to talk to the police and their doctors yet. It's a big group."

"3rd message, sent Saturday 9:11 AM Hi honey, it's me again. I don't know why you haven't called me back yet. I wonder if you've lost your phone or something. Anyway, if you get this, I am at the Charlotte airport. I decided that surviving a crazy killer warrants spending money on air tickets instead of bus. My plane is boarding soon. I will be landing at Newark and will see you in a few hours. By the way, my phone is almost out of charge so it might not turn on when I land at Newark. If so, I'll just see you at home."

I sank on the bed in shock. My poor little baby had gone through such an ordeal. And I was..... oh my god! Suddenly the words from the previous night's phone call came back to me.

"Parag, where the fuck are you?" I had said. "I hope you're on your way."

"No, I am not. Listen Anar...." he had said in a low voice I could barely hear.

"What? You'll miss your bus. Where are you?" I had said angrily

"I am at...."

Then the soft female voice in the background

"Someone is coming! I hear footsteps..... who's on the phone?"

"It's my girlfriend."

"Hang up! Hang up!" the woman saying in a panicky voice.

It all made sense. It wasn't some floozie he was cheating on me with. It must have been one of the hostages asking him to hang up when the gunman was outside the door. And I had assumed he had....and then I had....oh god, what had I done!

That's when there was a knock on the door. I ran and opened it. Parag was standing there, with a suitcase in his hand. I flung myself at him and kissed him. He kissed me back hungrily.

"Oh sweetie, I am so so so sorry." I said, between kisses. "The phone was on silent and I didn't check it til a while back."

"I missed you! I love you!" Parag said in between kisses.

"I love you too, baby."

Lip-locked, we made our was to the bedroom, and Parag threw me on the bed. He bolted the door shut and then jumped on top of me, taking off his shirt. I had stripped down to my undies already, and he pulled them off, and mounted me.

"Ummmm....." I said in pleasure, trying my best not to remember the much thicker dick that had been inside me

"Oh I love you, Anar" he said, fucking me at a rapid pace. I wasn't fully wet yet, but for some reason, it didn't hurt.

"I love you too, Parag." I said, hugging him tight. His chest rubbed against my boobs and I looked at them, hoping that Dustin hadn't left any hickeys there. I was glad to note he hadn't.

After about two minutes of fucking, Parag withdrew his cock from my cunt and spurted a lot of semen all over my stomach and boobs. Parag said he hated condoms and always preferred pulling out. The pill gave me headaches so I couldn't take it. So this is how sex between us always ended. Well, sometimes, he came in my mouth and I swallowed.

He then collapsed on the bed next to me.

"Oh god! I was hoping I wouldn't cum that fast, but it's been so long."

"It's okay sweetie." I said, picking up his cum from my boobs with my fingers, and eating it like I always did. "You have had an exhausting time."

"Shit, it was so scary, Anar. I kept thinking of you, fearing that I'd never get to see you again." he said and started kissing me. We kissed for a couple of minutes, him fondling my boobs.

"I can't even imagine what you've been through, sweetie."

"It was hell! Luckily, the mall cop we had holed up in the room with us was a former police officer, and he kept us all calm and safe."

"I am glad!" I said, and resumed kissing him.

We made out, naked for a good twenty minutes, until Parag got hard again. We went at it again. This time, he fucked me missionary style and then doggy style (which were pretty much the only two positions he tried) for about ten minutes, before shooting his seed all over my ass. We cuddled for fifteen more minutes.

"I am so sleepy." Parag said.

"Awwww, just go to sleep sweetie." I said, kissing him

"Take a nap with me." Parag said.

"Sure."

We lay there spooning. In a few minutes, Parag's gentle snores started. But I lay there awake, with Parag's hand on my boobs, trying to come to terms with everything that had happened.

I felt like shit. I deserved to feel like shit. Just on the basis of an overheard female voice over the phone, I had jumped to the stupid conclusion that Parag was cheating on me. When he was holed up in a room with two dozen other people, fearing a gunman's bullet, I was bitching about him to some other guy. And then when he called me to talk, I ignored his calls, and had sex with this other guy, Dustin, whom I had known barely a few weeks. At that moment, I felt like the skankiest and meanest bitch in the universe. I closed my eyes and tried to take a nap, but I couldn't. I just lay there, in my sleeping boyfriend's arms, feeling guilty over what I had done, and fighting back tears.

I wrestled over the decision of whether to tell him about Dustin or not. On one hand, he deserved to know the truth. Parag and I had always been completely honest with each other. We had been a loving couple for so many years. He deserved to know the truth. On the other hand, he had just been through an ordeal, the sort that can scar people psychologically for life. For god's sake, he had almost been gunned down by a nutcase! So dropping this bombshell on him, about my sleeping with someone else, would mess him up even more.

By the time he woke up three hours later, I had thought and re-thought the whole situation dozens of times, and decided about the best course of action. He woke up and started kissing me again. We kissed for a while, and then he asked.

"So what were you up to last night?"

"Well..." I paused before launching into a lie I had rehearsed in my mind. "After that phone call last night, I assumed you were cancelling the trip. I got mad. I was sure that if you called back, I'd bite your head off. So I just put the phone on silent and immersed myself into a tricky program that I had been working on. I worked on it in the department for several hours."

"Didn't you check Google News? I thought you keep doing that every hour!" Parag interjected.

"No, I was too occupied with the program. I finished working on it at about 3:30 AM, and fell asleep at the desk. In the morning, I took the bus home and slept some more. Until I woke up a few hours back, saw the news on TV, and checked your voicemails."

"Hmmm...." he said.

"I am so sorry, Parag. I feel like such a clueless bitch!"

"Hey! Hey!" he said, kissing me softly on the cheek. "Don't apologize. I can understand why you'd get mad at me. How could you know? And I have been cancelling these trips a lot. So I fully understand. There's nothing you have to feel guilty about."

He said and then started kissing me again. Oh darling, I said in my mind, I do have a LOT to feel guilty about.

Parag and I spent the day pretty much naked in my room, cuddling, making out, napping, and having sex. I was surprised at how often he got hard and wanted it. Usually, Parag could go two or maybe three times in a day or night. That day, by the time we got hungry enough to step out of the bedroom, he had ravished me six times. I wondered if it was the adrenaline rush from the previous night's events.

We got dressed and walked out of the bedroom at 9 PM. Both my roommates were in the living room, poring over their laptops. They noticed Parag and their faces lit up.

"Parag! You're here! We saw you on TV! Wow, it must have been a nightmare!"

"It was okay." Parag said modestly.

The next half hour was spent in Parag recounting his horrible experience in detail. Both my roommates listened with rapt attention, making appreciative noises along the way. I had already heard the story from him in bed, so my mind drifted to the situation I found myself in. I was thinking about what to do next when my cellphone rang. It was Dustin! I considered ignoring the call, but since ignoring calls is what had land me in this situation in the first place, I decided against it. I got up and went to the bedroom to answer the phone. Parag was so engrossed in telling his story, he barely noticed me leave.

"Dustin...." I said, after closing the door.

"Hey Anar..... " he said "is it possible for you to meet me and Vicky for coffee or drinks tonight?"

"What?"

"She...she wants to meet you."

"Meet me? Why the hell? Did you tell her?" I asked, aghast.

"No, no, of course not! But she is insisting on meeting you. I am not sure why."

"Where are you calling from?"

"From the men's room at the Korean restaurant downtown. Could you, I don't know, join us?"

"I can't, Dustin."

"Come on, Anar! Just fifteen minutes. You could give some excuse and leave after that."

"Dustin, I can't come because Parag is here."

"He's here? I thought he wasn't coming!"

"It's a long story. But he's here, and I am spending time with him."

"Get him along. We'd talked about double-dating anyway."

"Dustin! Are you crazy? Under the circumstances...." my voice trailed off.

There was silence on the other end for a few moments. Then Dustin said,

"I guess you're right. It's not my idea anyway. It's just that Vicky is really really insisting on it. And asking me all sorts of questions about you."

"Deal with your problems on your own, Dustin!"

I said and disconnected the phone. As I walked out to the living room, Parag was still talking about his night at the mall. I could see from his face that far from being traumatized, he was actually very excited by whatever had happened.

After he ended his story, he suggested that we should all go out for dinner. My roommates readily agreed. They said they had lots of questions for Parag. We went to a Chinese restaurant a few blocks away, and I felt like a third wheel while the conversation was completely dominated by Parag and his exploits. I spent the time wondering why in the world Vicky wanted to meet me. Dustin had told me she was always jealous about his female friends. But still, why insist on meeting? Did she know something?

Dinner ended and we walked home. My roommates, still overflowing with admiration, seemed like they wanted to talk more. But Parag said he was tired, so we went to the bedroom. He locked the door and then started kissing me. I kissed him back. A few minutes later, his hand slipped inside my pants.

"Parag, please, no!" I said, pushing his hand away.

"What?" he asked sounding very surprised.

"Not now. Please. Maybe tomorrow? I am really tired and sore down there." That was part of the truth. In the last 24 hours, I had been fucked 8 times. It was way more than I was used to, and I did feel a little sore down there. But I was also not in the mood. I felt like just taking a big swig of Tylenol and having a dreamless sleep.

"Come on, just a quickie!" Parag said, and put my hand on his crotch. "See how hard I am"

"Please, Parag!"

"Okay, fine!" he frowned and turned away. I changed into shorts and a t-shirt. I took that swig of Tylenol and joined him in bed. He was on his side facing away from me, still sulking. I hugged him from behind and said,

"Let's cuddle a little, okay?"

Parag said nothing. Just gave me the silent treatment for about ten minutes. I lay there, my hand around me. The Tylenol started having effect and I was starting to fall asleep with my eyes half closed, when

"You're jealous of me." I heard Parag say.

"Huh?" I opened my eyes. He pushed my hand away, and turned on his side to face me.

"You're jealous that suddenly I am the center of all the attention."

"What are you talking about, sweetie?" I hugged him again. "I love you. I am relieved and proud that you survived last night. Why would I be jealous?"

"The afternoon is when you were relieved and proud. But now that it's been a few hours, that has worn off. You saw how your roommates were focused on me, and not you. And you can't handle it. You can;t handle not being the star in this relationship."

"What????"

"Oh come on! All through dinner, you were sitting there looking as if I had actually died! Or maybe wishing I had!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Parag!"

"Ever since we started dating, whenever we meet other people, you're the apple of everyone's eye. The smart, confident, funny, pretty Anar, the supreme conversationalist. I am always just the +1 in Anar+1, not the Parag in Anar+Parag. But I never let it bother me."

"You never let it bother you?" I scoffed. "You've always bitched about it!"

"The point is, now you're getting to experience how being the +1 feels. And you can't handle it, can you? You can't let me have my fifteen minutes of fame."

"Perfect phrase." I said snarkily.

"What?" he said, taken aback.

"Fifteen minutes of fame. Do you even understand what it exactly means? Do you even know who coined it?"

"Sure...." Parag said tentatively. "Winston Churchill."

"It was coined by Andy Warhol." I said. "And it implies that EVERYONE, whether they deserve it or not, will be famous for fifteen minutes. And once the fifteen minutes run out, no one gives a damn. Like Sanjaya from American Idol."

A look of anger flashed in Parag's eyes. He stared at me for a few seconds, and then said,

"Found a way to re-assert the belief you're better than me, didn't you?"

"Huh?"

"Yeah, just reminding yourself that you're not only the smarter one and the better looking one in the relationship, but oh so worldly wise, citing obscure artists." he said. "Trying to put me in my place by showing how little I know in comparison. Anything to restore the status quo to Anar+1."