Linda was one of my first real sexual teachers.
I met her in college at Michigan State. Before you dismiss my story as sophomoric (literally), you should know that this isn't your typical college fuck story, if only for this reason: Although she was a fellow student, she was quite a bit older than me.
I was 21, and she was 38.
Linda and I had a marketing class together as well as a photography class, and I was immediately drawn to her intelligence and her humor. The physical attraction came later -- and frankly surprised us both.
My first impression of her was that she was fiercely self-conscious about being the oldest "kid" in all of her classes. She was going back to school following a very nasty divorce. Luckily they had no kids, but he was a very wealthy and influential man, and did everything he could to deny her what she thought was her fair settlement.
She struck me as someone who had always been quite street-smart, but was being forced by circumstances to be stronger than she ever bargained for. Now that I'm in her age bracket, I can say that her plight sounds familiar! Like can really suck sometimes!
She had been divorced for a year when I got to know her. Holly Hunter played this sort of character in a wonderful movie from 1998 called "Living Out Loud."
Actually, Holly Hunter physicially resembles my memories of Linda more than any other actress I can think of. Like Ms. Hunter, she was small and tightly wound. She was also very tentative and withholding. You'd have to look past a lot of trouble written across her face to see the lovely person underneath. Most people didn't take the trouble.
As I said, she was not particularly enjoying the whole "back to school" routine, including the discomfort of being surrounded by literally thousands of tempting but oblivious near-children, me included. She put off vibes that stated clearly that she was in no mood to make a misstep with a student -- any student -- young enough to be her son. But life doesn't always work as planned.
The first time I realized that there was a spark between us was when I was in the Student Union early one morning, getting ready for my first class. She would often join me, so we could review notes and just chat. This morning she entered the hall with a cloud over her head. Even from across the room I could tell she was not having a good day.
She looked as though she hadn't had a good night's sleep for several days, and although she never wore make-up to class, the toll that maturity can take on a face showed on her's more than usual that day.
Without thinking, I greeted her in a most uncharacteristic way. In other words, I said the right thing to a woman (I can be a dufus with women, which contributed to me being a bit of a late bloomer sexually). What I said may be one of the biggest gifts I've ever given anyone, actually.
I smiled warmly and blurted out, "Hello, beautiful." I expected nothing in return. I just wanted to cheer her up.
I succeeded. She looked at me with a stunned smile, and I knew then she hadn't considered herself beautiful in a really long time. I also realized that, by god, she was beautiful. And sexy!
Mind you, my experience with women up to that point had been quite limited. There was a girl that I had dated seriously for nearly a year, and with whom I had extremely vanilla sex. And there were a few girls before then who were equally conventional. but less inclined to "put out." I didn't blame them, and still don't.
I was younger than my years and not very willing to follow my instincts. I lived in my head, which, especially in my 20's, was a pretty neurotic neighborhood!
So what was a fella to do? I didn't have a mother thing, but I had been attracted before to older women. I think it was because they recognized that I wasn't into the typical college stuff. I flattered myself that I was an "outsider," but really I was just inept. Anyway, Linda became for me a project of sorts. I could tell she was lonely. So was I. Even I could figure out that she was someone I could have some wonderful fun with.
How's this for cliche? I suggested we rent a photographic darkroom, where we would print the photos we'd taken for the photo essay assignment we both had coming due.
Laughably, I told her the school's photo labs, the ones that were private (i.e., the doors locked), had the most openings on weekend nights -- an obvious lie. We booked the very last one available for that Friday night. Still, I was foolish enough to think this was a seduction that I alone knew was coming!
As was her habit, she dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. Her hair was short and boyish, worn in the same natural curls as always, but she was wearing make-up that night, which I took as an encouraging sign. Like her, I wore a sweatshirt and jeans -- the standard student uniform on an East Lansing winter night.