My pulse quickened as I sat outside her house. I really was not even sure that it was her house. It had been years since I had quite by accident ran into her sister-in-law who willingly showed me the pictures of Dawn and her children at the Christmas party. It had taken me years, but thanks to classmates; I had learned that her name-married name was Smith. Thanks to the archives of the Daily News, I had learned her husband's first name from an old article about her parent's 50th wedding anniversary. Next 411.com had provided a telephone number and street address, and finally mapquest.com was able to provide door-to-door directions. What old friends and rumor mills had been unable or unwilling to do, the internet had amply provided.
I just had to see her. It had been over 25 years since I had placed my sailor's cap on her head and she had given me a good-by kiss. I had hoped to woo her back, but she was steadfast in her determination that our high school relationship was over. I had seen her maybe twice in the next two years; both times, she had remained coldly aloof. I had emailed her a couple of times through classmates, and she was cautious enough to never give me here direct email address. I saw the lights go off from one room and on in the next. My palms got clammy for the first time in a long time. I fought for the words that I would say to explain my presence waiting outside her door. Nothing sounded right. No amount of explaining could justify my uninvited intrusion into her world.
Soon enough the front door opened. What I recalled as a 5'4" average size blond with sparkling blue eyes walked out the door the very essence of her 5'6" mother who I recalled from my childhood. No longer sporting 32B breasts, now even cloaked in her winter coat, this woman was more than 210 pounds. My heart sank! My fantasy of winning her back now did not seem worth the effort. NOT that she was not still the same woman inside, only that I had been sleeping with a much more beautiful woman for the past 20 years!
I waited as she backed her car out of the drive way and into the street. Her tail lights fading into the distance as I sat unsure of what to do next. I did not wait for long. Once again, the door opened. Once again, a female form crossed the threshold. This young women a near clone of my long lost lover. This must be the same child I had seen in the photograph years ago. This was Dawn's daughter, Julie. She seemingly floated over to the 2003 white Ford Mustang Convertible. The engine roared, the back-up lights lit as she shifted into reverse.
My heart was pounding in my chest. I slipped my van into drive and pulled out to follow her. The moves make it seem so easy to follow somebody, but with stop-lights and people turning right on red and 4-way stops, allowing others to interlope, maintaining a safe distance and at the same time not loosing site of your target is difficult at best. Somehow, I was able to arrive at Wal-Mart only seconds after Julie. She parked and locked her car. I waited until she was nearly inside before I took advantage of the empty spot next to the driver's side. My racing heart pounded, as I instinctually knew what would happen. Although it was winter, it was not that cold. I waited a few more minutes. Unsure if this was her quick trip for morning milk, or if she was going to work. As she did not exit the store within the hour, I decided to risk missing her, or worse yet running into her on the front sidewalk. I scanned the store as the greater wished me a good morning. There she was, or was it her, the girl at the cash register on lane 5. I walked to the men's room, in order to get a better look. In the words of Yogi Berra, it was like "déjà vu all over again." It was her, but it was not her. The same blond hair, the same cute lips, the same flashing eyes. For a moment, I was no longer 47 years old. For a moment, I was again 17. For a moment the long years morning the loss of my first love passed and I was alive like I had not been in years.
I had to speak to her. I had to hear her voice. I quickly walked around and grabbed a national inquirer and a Dr. Pepper. I stood in line, although I had just used the men's room, it felt as though I would wet my pants. What would I say? What could I say? "Hi, I'm the man who tried to take your mother's virginity, can I have yours instead?" That would not work! "Hi, you look as pretty as I remember your mother being, do you want to go out after work?" "Hi..."
My thought was interrupted, by the angelic sound of this picture of perfection. "Hi, will that be all?"
I looked up, she was talking to me, and all I could say was "yes, all for now!"
"That will be $2.95" she said. I quickly removed $3.00 from my wallet and handed it to her, attempting to touch the skin of her hand as I did.
I returned to my van. Unlocked the door and got in, "Christ, I fucked that one up big time! The National Inquirer! Shit, I bet that made an impression!" I thought to myself.
It is funny; when I was 8-years-old the 21 year olds all fawned over me! By the time I was 16, they all said "Oh just wait until you grow up!" Then I turned 21 and all the 21 year olds were looking for "older guys." It was not until I was 25 that the 21 year olds went for me once again. That ended less than 4 years later. Now the 21 year olds look through me as if I am not even there. I can only guess that at 71, once again I will be considered "cute" but for now, as far as I can tell the girls here age don't even care enough to have an opinion, and likely asking for one would get me brandished a "dirty old man!" What was I thinking? There was no line that would have worked with her! Nothing short of something comparable to "Luke, I am your father!"
I stared at the headlines of the National Inquirer "My Daughter Was Kidnapped By Aliens." It was like a message from God. I knew what I had to do! Once again, I walked into Wal-Mart. This time I went directly to sporting goods and gathered up nylon cord and a hunting knife before locating the duct tape and the ski masks. I bought some food and water as well as a lamp and other camping equipment. Once again, I went through her lane. As I suspected, if she had recalled seeing me 2 hours ago, she showed no indication of it.
Once again, I returned to my car. It was a long day. Finally, the Wisconsin winter sun slowly sank over Wal-Mart, I watched intently through the passenger side window, waiting for Julie to return to her car. I hoped that she would be alone. Finally, as if a lifetime of waiting, I caught a glimpse of my intended. I pulled the ski cap down over my face, I pulled the knife from it's sheath. I maneuvered to the sliding door and just as her back was to the door I pulled it open, and with a quickness that surprised myself, I slid out, placed my right arm around her chest and pulled her back towards me and into the van.
She did not yell. She did not struggle. She simply let out a little "huh."
"Shussh, I do not want to hurt you!" I whispered, trying to stay calm, trying to stay in control.
"Who are you? What do you want?" She too was whispering.
My arm was still around her chest. I had not anticipated these questions. I had anticipated a fight. I had anticipated violence. Nevertheless, there was none. It was she and I in the back of the van. My arm around her chest, her neck next to my mouth. Her smell, it was different then that of her mother. We had been together as teens, she wore "Love's Baby Soft" perfume. Julie was at least 4 years older than her mother had been when we broke up. Her scent was more mature, more of a woman than a girl.
"You would not believe me if I told you who I am. Let's just say that I'm somebody who has, well I'm somebody who just wanted.... Look, I can not tell you who I am" I blurted out, afraid that whatever I said it would force me into a decision that I suddenly realized I could not make.
"Well then, what do you want?" She whispered in an almost sultry voice.
"Right now I just want to be with you." I said, fearing her response to anything else.
"Ok, so you are with me!" She quipped. "Now what?"
"You seem to be taking this pretty well!" I said.
"Look, I know who you are, you came through my line twice today!" She said in such a unemotional tone so as to make me question my own sanity.
"You know who I am?" I asked.
"Well not your name, but I recognized your coat and that hat you bought. You seem like a nice enough guy. You seemed sane, I know you bought the knife, but you just don't strike me as the kind of man who would use it on an animal, much less a human!"
Now I was feeling like a victim. I could not find words to respond.
"Look, you must have been here all day. Obviously, you didn't just happen to park next to me, you didn't just happen to park next to my car." She correctly deduced.
I felt a flood of emotions, more than that, I struggled to hang on to reality. "Your right. I did pick you."
"But why? I do not recognize you. I don't think I have ever seen you before!" She was still whispering. "Look so far you really have not done any thing wrong, at least nothing that I could prove! I don't think that you have the ability to kill me, and I'm pretty sure you do not want to go to jail, so why don't you just come clean with me?" Her voice now became stronger, taking more control.
She was right; I had not gone too far. I hate to admit it, but she was right, what was I thinking? I could not rape her, I could not kill her. I pulled the mask off my head.
"I used to date your mother." I said. "I knew her a long time ago, I miss her so much, I have never gotten over her."
"So you saw me and thought of my mother?" Julie laughed. "I may look like my mother, but I am nothing like her!" "I bet you two never even fucked, did you!"
