"Hey, my kids will be at their dad's this weekend. What will you be up to?" read the text on my phone as I moved from my daughters room to my living room and sat down on the couch.
It was from another woman in my ward, whose name was Lauren. When me and my now-deceased wife moved into the neighborhood four years ago, Lauren was happily married with two kids of her own. A year later, she was a happy single mom of three. I never bothered to find out what happened to her husband, but I was glad that Lauren got the house in the divorce, so her and her kids could stick around.
Five feet, seven inches tall, she was the most beautiful woman in the ward. At least, in my opinion. With brunette hair that flowed past her shoulders, a killer body that always bounced back to her pre-pregency weight, wide hips, a great smile, thick butt, and medium size breasts, you could see the men in the ward diverting their eyes whenever she would walk up the stand to play the piano, something she did quite often.
Lauren and my wife because good friends over the first few years we lived there. They served in the primary and young women programs together and Lauren's oldest daughter was the same age as my oldest daughter, and they became best friends as well. If she wasn't dropping her daughter off at my house or I wasn't picking mine up from hers, Lauren was going on runs through the neighborhood, so I got to see her often.
After my wife passed away, Lauren, a lot like Stacy and so many others in my ward, was great at checking in on me and my kids. Even though she was a single mom that worked a full-time job, she was always willing to take my kids if I needed her to or she would just come get them. She would randomly make dinner and bring it over, or just send me a message at night to tell me she said a prayer for us.
My wife passed away in October and it was the following spring that Lauren and I started to get really close. We were both active people and started to meet up a few times a week to take our kids on a walk around the neighborhood. We would go on hikes together, eat a meal at one of our places, and generally just spend time together. A few people in the ward would ask about us or suggest things, but we would always just say we were just friends.
As I lay on my couch, reading back through some of my messages with Lauren, I remembered the weekend that our "just friends" saying went out the window.
It was the first Saturday in June and school had just ended for the year. Living in Northern Utah, temperatures were already high and Lauren and I knew that our kids would be going crazy that day. So, we decided to take them to a local swimming pool. It was packed when we walked in shortly after it opened.
I had brought a pop-up canopy that I set up as Lauren put sunscreen on both her kids and mine. As I set up the tent, my eyes kept glancing over at her, wearing a pair of cut-off jean shorts and a white t-shirt. Right before we got in the water, she took off her shorts to reveal a pale pink bikini bottom, that I watched as she pulled it tight over her butt.
We stood or sat in the shallow area of the pool while the kids played around us for about an hour, until we made them get out to eat some lunch. After lunch, Lauren pulled her shirt off over her head, with a matching pale pink bikini top covering her breasts. As we continued to swim and play with the kids, I know she caught me looking at her more then a few times.
It was fairly uncommon to see female members of the LDS church wearing a two-piece bikini, as it was considered unmodest. But, I wasn't going to complain. By this point, I had been getting weekly blowjobs from Stacy for about five months but she always stayed modest while she blew me, and I think I was starting to crave wanting to touch a woman. While I still thought of Lauren as just a friend and enjoyed her friendship and company, I was starting to think of other things we could be doing. But, I knew that I would never try anything, not wanting to ruin the friendship and trust we had.
After we were done at the pool, we headed back to my house. Lauren's house was technically a townhouse and, while she had a little yard space, her kids loved to come to my house, run around the big backyard and play on the swingset and trampoline. As the kids played outside, Lauren and I stayed inside the house, relaxing in the AC.
Lauren was back to wearing her white T-shirt and cut off jeans as she sat on her legs on the couch. I was doing everything I could to keep my mind from wandering and focused on our conversation until she asked, "I know it's probably not my right to ask, but do you ever think about starting to date again?"
I laughed a little, thinking about my nights with Stacy and the things I was thinking about with Lauren, and told her, "Not really. Between the kids and school and work, it hasn't really crossed my mind. What about you?" As close as her and I had gotten, I still never really asked about her ex-husband or anything about her dating life.
"I mean, its been like three years since the divorce," she told. "I've been on a few dates, but they have never gone anywhere and I honestly have been OK with it."
"I can't even imagine dating in today's world. Just seems like a lot," I said.
"It is. There are some times where I just miss certain things about being in a relationship and that's usually when I go on a date. And then I remember why I got divorced," she said.
I thought about asking why they got divorced, but instead said, "Yeah, I can understand part of that."
"Honestly, just between you and me," she started, looking at me with her brown eyes. "There has been a few times that I kinda wish I wasn't part of the church and could just have a quick fling or a one-night stand and not feel like I would feel completely guilty about it."
"Yeah, I hear ya," I told her, sorta amazed at what she just said.
"I'm sorry, I'm sure your mind isn't anywhere close to thinking about stuff like that," she said, almost with a knowing smile.
I laughed and said, "You'd be surprised.'
"Probably not that much. I saw where your eyes were today," she said.
"I'm sorry. I really am. I know I shouldn't have been looking," I told her.
"Christopher, if I didn't want you to look, I wouldn't have wore a bikini today," she said.
Before I could respond, the kids came running inside, asking for a snack. Lauren and I got off the couches and she helped me to grab some Popsicles from the freezer and gave them to the kids to eat outside. Lauren also opened one for me and her and as she handed me mine, I watched her slide the popsicle into her mouth, forming an "O" with her mouth around it, and stare into my eyes as she pulled it out.
I shook my head and laughed before turning to check on the kids. When I turned back to Lauren, she leaned into me, quickly kissed my cheek, and walked outside to sit with the kids. I was right behind her, wondering about the kiss, but Lauren was actively avoiding my graze.
Later that day, I grilled some hamburgers and hot dogs that we all ate before we finally convinced the kids to go into the house and turned on a movie for them. As the kids watched the movie, they started to fall asleep, one-by-one, until only the oldest two were awake, sitting by each, and eating from a bowl of popcorn.
Not really being interested in the movie and wanting a chance to ask Lauren about the kiss, I suggested that her and I go outside and we retreated to my covered deck, just off the dining room, with a view inside the house so we could keep an eye on the kids.
Once out there, Lauren said, "It's crazy that it being eighty degrees actually feels cool."
I laughed and said, "Compared to the hundred degrees it was earlier, it feels great now."
We sat down at a table I had on the deck, sitting across from each other. At some point during the day, Lauren had taken her brown hair out of a ponytail it was in while we swam, and just had it loose around her head. As I tried to figure out a way to ask her about the kiss, she said, "I'm sorry if me kissing your cheek earlier made you uncomfortable. It's just been a long time since I've had a day like this and seeing my kids so happy and I guess that was my way of saying thank you."
I smiled as I said, "Oh, that's what it was for? I was curious."
"Well, maybe it was a bit more," she teased
"Like what?" I asked.
"I guess, I dunno, the last three years have been super rough as far as intimacy go. I miss being touched or being held. My ex was a lot of things, but not being intimate with me was not one of them. I got used to it and, honestly, I love it. I wasn't joking earlier when I said I wish that a one-night stand was more socially acceptable," she said.
I just stared at her for a second, unsure how to respond. I glanced away and into the house and notice that our two oldest daughters were starting to nod off. I looked back at her when she continued, "I know you're not in the same boat as me and it's completely different and I don't know what was happening with you two before Madison passed, but I don't know, something just felt so good today that I wanted to kiss you and see where it goes."
I opened my mouth to say something but was cut off when Lauren said, "Gosh, now that I say that out loud, it just sounds so ridiculous. You're probably still working through your grief and we've built up such a good friendship. It would be stupid to do anything to ruin it."
"Lauren," I said, trying to interrupt her.
"I'm sorry. I really am. I shouldn't have brought it up or said anything or did anything," she kept saying.
"Lauren," I repeated.
"But, I just miss it so much. It was a big part of my life and not getting any the last few years has, I guess, caused me to start thinking thoughts I shouldn't be thinking," she said.
"Lauren!" I said, a little louder.
She had been looking down at the table as she talked but finally snapped her head up and asked, "What?"
