This chapter is dedicated to the readers who have followed Brinna & Zach through their adventures in Chapters 1-12. Your time and feedback have been greatly appreciated.
Lessons Learned, Ch.13: New School
I sat at the only picnic table located next to a small natural spring, watching the slow trickle of the water over the rocks. The shade of a tall, sprawling oak tree protected me from the summer sunshine of early June. Using my fork, I shoved bits and pieces of my lunch around inside takeout container, not very interested in finishing my meal. With a sigh, I closed the lid of the container and shoved it to the side to dispose of later.
The campus was quiet; spring classes had ended two weeks ago, and the June summer classes wouldn't start for another week. I didn't have any summer courses aside from a one-hour independent study with my future graduate advisor. I'd spent the spring term taking two pre-requisite undergrad courses, required by my upcoming graduate program, which had not been offered at my old college. The rest of the time I worked a part time job to keep myself funded and busy. I'd made a few casual friends, but for the most part, I had been keeping to myself for the past few months as I adjusted to my new school.
Lost in thought, I was startled when I heard a soft, familiar voice speak from behind me.
"Hi, Brinna."
I twisted around on the bench, and there he was, standing just a few feet away. He had his hands tucked in his front pockets, smiling shyly at me.
"Zach!" I cried out in surprise, leaping to my feet. "What are you doing here?" I didn't wait for his answer before rushing toward him.
His arms opened wide as he stepped forward to intercept me, sweeping me into a tight hug. I felt tears prickle in the back of my eyes as I threw my arms around his neck.
"Why are you-, I mean, what..." I trailed off, flustered, reeling from the shock of seeing him here. I drew back enough to gaze at his smiling face.
"I missed you," he said simply.
"Zach," I said softly, moved by his words. A single, embarrassing tear rolled down my cheek. He gently brushed it away with his thumb. "I missed you, too."
"No kiss for me?" he asked.
I cupped his face in my hands, noting a slight trembling in my fingers. I wondered absurdly if I now looked as nervous as Zach used to look in our early days together. I pressed my lips lightly against his, intending the kiss to be a friendly greeting. The soft, familiar feel of his mouth set loose a wave of longing inside of me. I had missed him, more deeply than I had been willing to acknowledge to myself, for the last five months.
Instinctively, I tilted my head and the kiss became more.
"I missed you," he repeated when I lifted my mouth from his.
"But what are you really doing here? How did you get here? How did you find me?"
"Maybe we could sit down?" he asked. "There's a lot I want to say to you."
We sat on the bench, our backs to the table. We faced each other at an angle, our knees touching.
"Um, well," he said, clearing his throat gently before plunging ahead. "The thing is, Brinna, I have a relationship problem, see? And my friend that I talk about these thing with, she went and moved away to another university out of state."
I felt my brow furrow, confused. Zach was here because he was in a relationship? My breath caught in my throat, and my heart clenched ever so slightly.
"See, last semester, I met this fantastic woman, and we spent a lot of time together. I really fell for her, but because of some complications, I couldn't figure out the right way to tell her. When the semester ended, she left for a new school. Very stupidly, I let her go without saying anything, and without trying to find out how she felt about me. It was probably the dumbest thing I've ever done. For a while, I tried to tell myself that maybe she didn't care about me as much as I'd hoped, and I should just move on."
My lips parted, though no words came out. I stopped breathing.
"I also tried to do what she told me before she left. I went on some dates. I had sex with college girls. I stayed busy with school and with my new social life I had. It was just never quite right. I tried hard not to compare them to her, but being with other women was never really as good as being with her. There was like...like an empty feeling
,
in me." He put his hand over my own that was resting on my knee. "I talked to my grandpa about it. I talked to Matthew about it. I talked to my advisor about it." His eyes shifted, looking upward. "And I even talked to my new friend, Lee." At that last part, he grinned.
"Zach," I said patiently, "how did you get
here
? How did you find me?"
"Welllll," he drawled out, eyes shifting left and right, "I, uh, hacked the school's computer and found your address. Your old one, at your mom's. Then I went and talked to her."
My eyes widened in shock.
"Oh, don't worry, I didn't tell her about the, um, you know,
project
. She knew who I was though." His smile broadened. "So I talked to her, and she told me a little about your phone calls home. She thinks you're a bit, uh, down. She says you come out to some place on campus by a little spring and sit, even in cold weather. She isn't sure if you're homesick or what, but she hears something in your voice that makes her worry."
"My mom told you all that? She's never said anything to me."
"She tries to keep your spirits up when you talk." He cleared his throat again. "Anyway, I talked to her by phone a couple of times after I visited. We both think about you a lot, see? I told her I would be seeing you soon, and I asked her to keep it a secret, as a surprise."
I thought back to the most recent calls with my mom. She had sounded a bit off, asking a lot more questions than usual about my daily activities and how things were going here. Now I realized it was because she and Zach were in on this plan together.
"Why didn't you just call me? You could have gotten my number from her."
"Because Brinna," Zach said patiently, "I wanted to
see
you. I wanted to hear your voice and see your face. I wanted to tell you in person that I was stupid for the first time in my life when I let you get away from me so completely."
A warm tingle went up my arm, emanating from where his hand rested over mine. He spoke the words with such an air of confidence about him. It thrilled me to not only hear the words, but the way in which he said them.
"You came all this way just to see me," I said. Another tear tracked down my cheek. I brushed it away in irritation.
"Oh, well, I, uh, also go to school here now. Or I will, starting in August," he answered casually.
My mouth dropped open.
"You can't go
here
," I said, in disbelief. "You're supposed to be going off to some Ivy League big brain school for geniuses."
"There's nothing wrong with this school," he said defensively. "They happen to have a good program for my major." He squeezed my hand. "I've done the equation over and over, Brinna, and this is the solution for me. It really doesn't matter where I go to school. I don't even need the doctorate, that's really more for my grandpa. I already have job offers, so it wouldn't even matter if I quit school today." He ducked his head, and it pleased me to no end to see the bashful pinking of his cheeks. "I already make money consulting here and there. And, well, there's something I didn't tell you. About when I turned twenty-one. That's not so important though, not right now. Right now, I'm just glad you aren't yelling at me to get away from you and leave you alone. I thought about calling you first, I really did. But I know you, Brinna. You would have reasoned and rationalized and tried to keep me away. You would have said I was giving up too much to be with you, the way you gave up your dreams in order to get married. Your mom says you're afraid to be in love again," he added softly.
"Oh," I said, not certain how to respond. There was an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach. I felt something stirring and knotting there. I was not entirely unsure that I wasn't about to faint.
"I don't want you to think I've turned into some crazy stalker," he said, squeezing my hand lightly. "I just miss my best friend." His voice lowered as he added, "I miss my lover." He leaned forward and kissed me gently on the lips. "Even so, I'm not here with any expectations. I just want to spend time with my friend. If you want it to only be friendship, I'll do that. It doesn't have to be more. It doesn't have to be like last year, if that's not what you want." He swallowed hard. It was quite an offer for a guy who was planning to move here just because he missed me. "I just...please, Brinna. Please, can't we be friends again?"
We stared at each other in silence for a minute. The air around us was thick with expectation, with a subtle tension that vibrated like a plucked guitar string.
"Unless, oh uh, unless you're...involved? With someone?" he asked, sudden uncertainty creasing his features. "Maybe someone your mom doesn't know about?"