Lessons in Charms

Lulu had her tongue tangled in my mouth, like, you know, just foolin'. Always funny seein' how the guys react to barsexuals. See them spill their beer and punch each other on the shoulder.

Guy I knew just by name — Chico — strolls over and says, "Lady, I can guarantee you love. A charm for true love, not just foolin' around."

"Oh, yeah," I say. "Men are always usin' their charms on me. The kind that comes in forty-pound bags to fertilize the roses." My face and attitude can make priests slobber, but I know it's my bubble ass that makes men all horny. Basically, it's a gender thing: Men want to talk point spreads in the football league while women are passionate about relationships. I want to chat about intelligent stuff and all the time they're wondering what my kitty cat looks like. Honestly!

Chico came onto me differently. "Magic," he said.

Oh, sure. "Magic is just another way of sayin' I'm a loser, but it ain't my fault."

Anyway, we got to chattin' over some beers at this place down the Jersey Shore. I think I said something about getting' money to have my car tuned. He showed me a two-dollar bill, rolled it up like a joint and tied a cord around it. "Put this charm around your neck. It'll help you get the three hundred bucks you need. First rule is that charms have to be related to something you're searching for. Money charm for money."

I laughed. A ladylike

tee-hee

. "What do you use for love? A condom?"

Not a good joke. My bad. We left it there and I didn't see Chico for a couple weeks. Fact is I couldn't wait to see him at the bar we call Hard-on Alley. Then one night I looked over Lulu's shoulder while she was rappin' about mascara and eyeliner.

"

Hasta luego,

Lulu. Here's my new man," I say and hop down the bar.

"You won't believe this," I say, puttin' an arm around Chico's neck. "Not only did I get a raise and bonus on my job, but my lottery ticket paid off another four hundred. Your charm worked, so here's your two-dollar bill back."

"Keep it. See, Dawn. Now you believe my charms work."

"Well, I've been bullshitted so many times I'm skittish as a squirrel on the Turnpike."

He nodded. "I know. I've heard what they say about you."

I squinted. "What they say?" and he got all red-faced. "I mean it, man. I want to know what

somebody

says about

me

."

"You won't get pissed?"

I couldn't get really, really mad. Chico invited automatic trust, him with his innocent smile. Doesn't hurt either to have that dark movie star hair fallin' over his left eye. My definition of sexy. Just sayin'.

"Well, those wise ass college boys here call you 'tits on sticks.'" He put his hands in front of his chest to pantomime my breasts.

I sighed. "That is so sexist. Why don't you give them a charm that will make their balls fall off?"

But I was more shook up about this charm thing. My nipples were burstin' with excitement. "Now, tell me the other rules of charms."

He scratched his cheek like he was thinkin', but it might have been acne. "Rule number two is that a charm exercises its magic effects long after the first moment of power has passed. It keeps on working."

"So, I'm gonna keep getting' more money?" Now all my body parts were wakin' up.

He nodded. "I have a love charm, but I don't know if I should...."

"You'd like give it to me? To find true love?"

His head kept bobbin'. "Thing is, like money, it'd be forever. No one-night stands. No short times."

"Please," I whispered my heart's desire. "You don't know how long I been a seeker."

"This," he said, holdin' up a Chinese thingie that was kinda coin-shaped with weird figures. "If you really want it, I'll put it around your neck. But this love is forever. It's a big decision to make."

I held his hands holding the charm and guided them over my head. I could see Lulu down the bar mouthin'

what the effin' hell?

Chico threw a twenty on the bar and took my elbow like it was a steerin' wheel. "Come with me."

* * *

He had a summer rental about five miles down Route 35, and, oh Mother of Jesus, when he lit candles and put some kinda French jazz on his iPod I nearly creamed. "This is so bubba cool, Chico."

Fact is, I felt faint and basically detached like some woo-woo movie as Chico took me in his arms. My chest seized up as his lips covered mine. Hands were all over me and I couldn't breathe.

Don't know how it happened, but we were suddenly naked and sweatin'. Chico was bucked up with a big boner as those gentle hands slid over my shoulders and breasts. He was a sweet breeze of fresh air over the bikini-white parts of my body. Those hands hoisted my little apple-shaped breasts and thumbed my pink nipples as I let my head roll back to enjoy the waves of ecstasy.

I was wet all over when he laid me back on the bed and thrust himself up inside me. His single, steady push got his woody in smooth as puttin' silver dollars in a silk purse. It made me feel like a teen angel, spreadin' my legs wide to invite my man deep into my guts.

"I'm glad you shaved your pussy, Dawn," he whispered. "In fact, you have a classic vagina, the most beautiful I've ever seen."

Before I could think of something smart like

Well, thank you, sir,

he was rocking me like a boat. The rhythm speeded up as his oar dipped deeper inside, and then we were in choppy water fightin' big waves.

I gasped out a new language of

woof-woof

and

ooh ooh, yes yes

. My eyes rolled up in my head as the room turned in circles. It was a storm of passion beatin' me against the rocks. My back was archin' like a roller coaster to meet his pushes when I heard little screams comin' from somewhere. Fingernails dug into my ass. Then the waves passed over me and I felt I was goin' down for the third time.

Felt like I'd been far away when I came to curled round his back. He said somethin' I didn't hear.

"Come again?" I asked.

"I will if you're willing."

Mother of Jesus, but when Chico had me sittin' on his lap with his joint inside my box, I was bouncin' toward Heaven. Hope I didn't hurt anythin' and bend his boner, but his thing was gobblin' my guts and my brain was on fire. Suddenly, he rolled me off and fell on my belly, jammin' his hose into me again like a fire in my hole was bein' put out. And, those teensie little screams came out again,

eew eew

. So out of control I was when the orgasm rushed up and kidnapped my body I may have put a bad hurt on him.

Forgive me, Gym Trainer, but I was exhausted as he finally rolled off me and went to pee.

* * *

Our affair accelerated up the on ramp of love at a hundred miles an hour. Chico would start by taking me to some cool place like a jazz performance in Asbury Park or boardwalkin' at Seaside. Once we got all dressed up and had dinner on a ferry boat at Spring Lake.

Each night ended the same way, in a tangle of arms and legs makin' strange sounds. We were in his bed or mine, sometimes even the back seat of his car and once standin' up in a telephone booth. Remember telephone booths? Watch out for the light that comes on when you close the door!

"See, it's workin'. My charm is making you love me," he whispered.

"Don't be so stuck on yourself, Big Guy," I snorted. "Maybe it's just the sex, and when your dick falls off I'll find another guy."

I never took off Chico's charm, daytime or night, all dressed up or lookin' hootchy. Even when Lulu asked, "What the hell, you run out of dime store jewelry?"

I just made my mouth go

Mmm mmm mmm

and said, "Don't you wish you had a man like mine?"

I mean to tell you, Chico was a smart guy, and it wasn't just because he diddled me once in the public library. Me and him talked philosophy. We were sittin' on a park bench in Red Bank when he suggested that women with missing husbands should put their pictures on beer cans. And I told him it was interestin' that old people read the Bible a lot, and he said, "They're cramming for their final exams."

See? Really deep shit. Words were barely out of his mouth when he jumped up and ran to the street. I screamed, seein' him dash after a little kid toddling off into traffic. A cab was hotroddin' down the street as Chico threw the kid behind him. The kid was safe, but the cab hit Chico like he was a pool ball doin' a bank shot.

Now Chico would had the answer to something he asked earlier: When you go to Heaven are you stuck wearing the same clothes you died in? I'm glad he was wearin' clean clothes and looked really neat before it happened.

Lulu put her arms around me in the club a few days later. "Dawn, I am so totally sorry."

"Well, I'm sorrier."

"No, I'm sorrier because I know Chico made you happy and you're my best friend, so that's two people I'm sorry for and you're sorry for just one."

"Lulu," I snapped, "don't you understand? The charm Chico gave me — this thingie — has trapped me. He said it's the law of contagion. Once the magic starts workin' it continues long after its first moment of power has passed. I'm goin' to be in love with Chico for the rest of my life. I'm mated forever to a guy who'll never ever put his arms around me again."

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