Chapter VII: The Princess Escapes
Horror clamped around Lisa like a vice. It took every iota of her strength to keep quiet, not to show any reaction to the news. She hadn't even known his real name. Paul Twilley. She'd only called him fag, wimp, Lisa. He was dead, split from his mutilated cock to his false tits. There were pictures.
Her horror had two parts. First came the irrevocability and senselessness of the violent death of someone she knew. He'd fucked her. She'd fucked him. She probably still carried minuscule traces of his life deep in her cunt. The thought made her nauseous.
The second aspect was that her double life could well be exposed. The recorded time of death put her in the alley with him less than four hours before some deranged animal had ripped him open. The investigation could turn her up. If it did, there went the ball game. Fuck. She could produce an alibi, if the other whores on her street would speak up, but that would still totally destroy her life.
She excused herself, too abruptly, and locked herself in a bathroom stall. She didn't puke, like she thought she would. Her smoke tasted like dried cabbage. Slowly, over the time it took to finish the cigarette, she saw that, regardless of whether she was implicated or not, life would never be the same.
Whores like Paul/Lisa died all the time. They were beaten to death. They were stabbed or shot. Sometimes their bodies were found. Sometimes they simply vanished, like the girl she'd gotten her corner from. Every time she put herself out there, the man she ended up with could be some psycho. There was no way to know, beforehand.
She'd heard the stories the girl's told. She'd been aware of the risk factor. But this drove it home. This made it personal. It could happen to her.
No, she corrected. It would happen, not could. If not by knife or gun, by disease or drug. It had to. What she was doing to herself wouldn't make sense otherwise. If it didn't happen on its own, she'd do something to make it so.
Peculiar place to find one of those crossroads in life, she smiled thinly. The middle stall in the ladies' shitter on the seventh floor. Guess it's appropriate, in a way.
She heard the door open, recognized the faint squeak of Ann's beige pumps. She dried her eyes.
"Having trouble with the plumbing, Lisa?"
"Nothing serious. Who drew the . . . Twilley thing?"
"Homicide took it away from us, as usual. Why?"
"I can't talk about it now. Not here. Want to go for a ride?"
"Where?"
"To the morgue."
Trotter didn't answer. Lisa flushed the toilet, drew a deep breath, and faced her. This was going to be a class A mother-fucker. But the sergeant didn't do anything more than meet her eyes and follow her from the room. The elevator ride was also silent. Only in the car, with Lisa staring out the passenger's window, did her partner speak up.
"You knew this guy." It wasn't a question.
"Yeah. Biblically."
"It wasn't any accident he was going by your name. Hair like yours."
"No. No accident." She spilled all of it, never once looking inside the car.
Autumn was encroaching on summer. In the park, the trees were still green, but they knew. By the angle of the sun and the length of the days, by the first fluttering northerly breezes, they knew. Change was coming. They didn't resist in any way.
In a week or two, they'd begin to release their leaves. They'd served their purpose. It was time to go. Sometimes, she guessed, you'd find them blocks, maybe miles away. These very leaves, skittering through the concrete canyons, blown up against alley walls in little drifts.
"So what are you going to do?"
Lisa found a cigarette. "Better cover your ass, Ann. This is going to get messy. I've got to tell Homicide what I know. No way I'm coming out with my badge. I'll be damned lucky to stay out of jail. If you stand too close, they might want to sniff your cunt, too."
Trotter drove a half block in silence. "I can't let you do it, Lisa. I want you to keep that beautiful mouth shut. There's no fucking reason to do it. None at all. He's gone. Dead. You can't bring him back. All you can do is take yourself down."
Lisa shook her head. "I wish I could just forget about it, Ann. But it's more than feeling responsible for what happened to her. Him. Twilley. Paul Twilley. I can't let that happen to me. And it will, if I don't stop it." And it'll happen to you, too, someday, she thought. We both know it will.
"Okay. If you won't do it for yourself, then do it for me. You're right, you know. They're bound to investigate everybody who ever had anything to do with you. You're going to be responsible for taking others down, too. Like Wilson, maybe."
She knew it was true. Her heart felt like lead. It'd be so easy. So easy to just listen to Ann. She'd heard those sweet lips murmur words of love to her mere hours before. Now she was on her way to destroying yet another life.
Maybe, she reminded herself. Maybe not. I've got to follow my convictions. It's the right thing to do. Fuck, is it better to let her end up with a knife in her guts, or a reprimand? Surely that's all she'd get. Too many people owe her favors.
Trotter read her re-formed determination. Her anger showed through. "How about Wilson, then? You expose yourself as a whore who he just gave a juicy transfer to, and what's going to happen to him?"
Lisa stared out the window. "I'm sorry, Ann. I'm really sorry. But it's the only choice I have left. I've tried everything else, don't you see?"
"No. I don't see. And lots of other folks won't, either. And believe me, babe, you haven't really tried everything yet."
She spent the span of a red light staring coldly at Lisa's graceful body. The curve of her slim, round hips. The ripe swell of her full little tit. What she could see of her face, the rich red corner of her pouty mouth, the artfully traced and tinted corner of her eye.
"That's too bad, hon. What a hell of a waste of talent." She pulled away when the light went green, speculatively raked her companion's body one last time.
"What are you going to do after the dust clears? And it will, you know. You won't do any time. The papers'll give you your thirty seconds of fame, and things'll settle down after a while. But what about you? Where will you go? What will you do?"
Lisa shrugged. "Doesn't matter. That's not the point anymore."
"What is the point?"
"I don't know. I just know it's not what I thought it was. It's never been what I thought it was." She'd tried to do what They told her. She'd failed. She'd tried to set up her own system. It'd turned out to be just as full of lies as Theirs.
Trotter stopped the car in front of the building housing what was left of Paul Twilley. "Why the morgue, Cole? Why the fuck do you want to do this to yourself? It's not necessary."
"Maybe not. But unless I do it, I'm afraid I'll change my mind someday. It won't be real anymore. I'll forget. I'll only remember the good parts. What it felt like to clutch a hundred bucks in my fist while some stranger's cock split my cunt. And that's not what it's really about. That's only part of the truth."
She nodded toward the doors. "There's another part in the basement, in a cooler, wearing a toe-tag. And there are other parts I don't even know about yet."
Trotter's smile was icy. "At least there's something we agree on."
She did puke, later. She'd known she might. Fuck, maybe she wanted to vomit as much out of herself as she could. Maybe she wanted to feel drained, bleached as clean as she could get.
Then, it was off to an appointment with the homicide boys. Trotter had run away to make ass-covering phone calls, no doubt. That was just as well. She needed to do this on her own. They'd kissed goodbye in the elevator.
"Will you come by tonight?" Trotter had asked, still slightly cool, despite the knee pressed firmly between Lisa's thighs.
"You're sure that's smart? Risking being seen with me?" Lisa moaned.
"You'll be discreet. Come in the back way."
"Yes. I'm not going to want to be alone after this. Have some decent wine chilled? And be ready to fuck my brains out."
It went better than she'd expected. The two dicks on the case, Rogers and Brandt, stayed polite throughout, kept their questions and comments civil and to the point. She saw their anger and outrage, though. Not because she'd been a whore, but because she was hurting the Force. She'd tarnished her badge, the same one they wore.
They didn't take it from her, of course. Neither did Captain Sloan. She marched straight into his office and laid it out for him, too. It was pretty mechanical by the third telling. He was shocked, then grim. He didn't actually can her. He couldn't, until she actually signed the statement tomorrow. But he did suspend her without pay pending a review board. They both knew how the board would find.