I met a German girl in England
Who was goin' to school in France
And we danced the Mississippi at an Alpha Kappa dance
It wasn't me
Woo, it wasn't me
Yeah, you must've met some other body,
No, no child it wasn't me -
George Thorogood
*
For anyone familiar with the social Mecca that a quaint thoroughbred racetrack in Lexington, Kentucky named Keeneland becomes for three weeks each April and October, no explanation is necessary. For those unfortunate enough not to be familiar with the goings-on, no explanation is possible, though my story will try to enlighten you. Suffice it to say that if you are a fan of beautiful, tanned, fit, long-legged fillies both inside and outside of the paddock area, you would enjoy the scenery, equine and otherwise. Especially 'otherwise'.
This is a long-overdue saga championing the virtues of the beauty of Bluegrass Country, the home of the most sensational women in the country. And there has to be at least one that wants to fuck me. Right?
Geez, let's hope so. It will make for a much better story.
I pretended to be peering at the tote board perched high above the grandstand wall on the backside of the racetrack. Through the dark tint of my sunglasses, I figured that the true intended target of my vision, the tall blonde in the impossibly short white mini with the tanned and toned legs, would be camouflaged.
The mounting tent bulging through my suit trousers no doubt blew my cover, however. Either that, or I found the odds displayed on the tote board to be VERY exciting. I wiggled uncomfortably from side to side on my loafers, trying to harness the raging stallion that was snorting in my crotch, trying to burst through the proverbial starting gate.
My enthusiasm did not go unnoticed by the object of my desire, and I can't say that this revelation disappointed me. She kept looking back at me, giggling conspiratorially with her friend, and making none too subtle glances in the general vicinity of my twitching member.
Her micro-miniskirt rose tauntingly higher up to her ass cheeks every time she shifted her weight, her almost silvery-blonde spiky mane of hair hung tantalizingly over her one eye, and, oh, the way that she nibbled and sucked seductively on the tip of her celery stalk that floated in her Bloody Mary. I must confess that I didn't wake up that particular morning pondering what if must feel like to be a stalk of celery. Until now. I had developed a serious case of 'stalk envy'.
As the comedian Dom Irrera's skit goes, men measure all distances from the proximity of the object to their own testicles, it's an absolute and accurate barometer. As in, "Didja see that lightning bolt over the hill? No more than a half-mile from my cajones. That was close. And, didja hear about that volcano erupting in Iceland? No more than fourteen thousand miles from my cajones."
"That was close."
Well, this was close. Her eyes bore no more than one millimeter from my cajones. In a setting full of thousands of gorgeous women displaying their own impressive forms, for some reason this woman picked me out of the crowd as her bet of the day. So, seeing as how I was in the south, I would be something less than a gentleman if I did not approach this woman and her lovely, petite companion, ably playing the role of 'wingwoman'.
As I approached from behind, my own eyes still riveted on that taut ass and unending legs, her friend nudged her much taller buddy in anticipatory warning, and I was surprised to hear their voices in a language that was most certainly anything BUT a southern drawl.
"Sssh, hier, kommt er!"
I stopped dead in my tracks. German? I wasn't expecting German. In Lexington, Kentucky?
I can occasionally perform a fairly passable facsimile of Kentucky dialect, you can usually make-do by slowing down your speech interminably, squinting your eyes as if you were contemplating a nap, and filling your cheeks with a few walnuts or marbles, but German?
Fortunately, the smaller, slightly older woman quickly alleviated my anxiety and transformed magically into a comfortable and inviting singsong drawl, like sweet molasses oozing from the jar. "Hi, I'm Elle, and this is my sister, Anna."
Ah, palindrome sisters, eh? I immediately deduced that their parents may have been dyslexic and wondered for just a split second if they had a brother named Otto, or other sisters named Lil or Eve. But these thoughts passed instantaneously as the two German sisters almost curtsied in introduction. Anna smiled down at me, since her high-heeled Roman sandles that wrapped around to mid-calf had the dual effect of making her well over six feet tall. Her bright and sexy smile caused my own horizontal height to reach its own steel apex of seven inches.
I extended both of my palms and shook the two womens' hands as one, lowering my sunglasses to the bridge of my nose so that I could peer into Anna's cat-like green eyes. 'I'm John," I said to Anna, as suave as a man can be while trying not to drool.
I then turned to Elle, and smiled at the smaller woman, taking mental inventory of the wedding ring on Elle's finger, yet seeing no such jewel on Anna's hands. "And I have a crush on your sister, Elle."
Elle giggled delightedly and relayed this message to Anna in what was obviously their native tongue. As I listened and saw Anna blush, I daydreamed that my own native tongue would soon be buried directly between Anna's long legs. Translation would not be necessary for my particular tongue-twister, I mused.
They bantered back and forth for a while as I still held onto Anna's hand, rubbing the soft flesh of her palm between my fingers, hungry for any part of her flesh that I could touch. I fantasized about taking those same two fingers that now caressed her palm and imagined them tweaking her nipples, flicking them over her clit, easing them gently into the crevice of her anus. My touch seemed to serve to excite Anna as she imperceptibly eased her pelvis closer to my own waist so that we nearly touched at the hips now, all the while chattering with her sister, until she turned and looked right at me.
"Ich bin sehr hornig. Er ist hubsch, ich wurde ihn, ja bumsen."
That sounded good to me. That had to be something good, right, Elle? I turned to Anna's sister for the translation, raising my eyebrows at her in anticipation. Elle's reply to my unspoken inquiry, if she were on Family Feud, would have made Richard Dawson proud as the 'Number One' answer.
"My sister is very horny, and wants to fuck you, John."
In the next five minutes, while Anna grinded her hips into my waist and nibbled on ear, Elle played the roles of matchmaker, madame, and protective big sister. She gave me a brief historical overview that she and Anna were originally from Baden-Baden, Germany, and that Elle had lived over here for close to two decades after marrying an American Army officer, who was sitting in his clubhouse box watching the races.
Elle continued her story as Anna's long, hot, wet tongue snaked onto my neck. This was only Anna's second visit to the States in those twenty years, and this trip was urged by Elle after Anna had recently been separated from her husband in Germany. Anna had confided in her sister that she had not had sex in well over a year, and Elle thought it was her sibling duty to assure that Anna did not depart from the States without a good, sound shagging, in Elle's words, and I was mutually agreed upon by the sisters as a capable candidate.
Elle gathered my personal information, including my cell phone number, hotel info, and took possession of my drivers' license, which she promised to return to me after delivering her sister back, unharmed yet thoroughly and properly fucked, at eight p.m. tonight at DeSha's, a popular restaurant in the heart of town.
To summarize, I had her sister's consent and blessing to spend the next five hours fucking a beautiful and horny six-foot blonde who didn't speak a syllable of English and would be leaving the country in forty-eight hours.
Best yet, before we said our goodbyes, Elle snuggled up to me, gave me a peck on the cheek, and whispered in my ear confidentially, "And a little secret. She loves to be fucked in the ass. If she says, 'bumsen sie meinen Esel', you'll know what to do, I trust."
"Have fun."
Now THAT'S a cool big sister. It was time for that celery stalk to now envy me.
Anna and I left the track grounds and headed toward the parking lot, which at Keeneland, is a vast rolling hillside peppered with centuries-old oak trees. The looks from the male patrons as we departed told me plainly that celery wasn't the only entity with envy.