This story is 100% true. In the summer of 2006 I was a typical working 21 year old student living in a one bedroom apartment in a major Canadian city. Around this time I was between girlfriends and was on what I called a "sexual rampage" and was having sex with anyone I could. I was also drinking all the time which help lower my inhibitions as well as my standards. I was playing in a shitty band which helps with the women looking to latch on to guys. You see, it gives desperate women a chance to talk to guys. "Oh hey I loved your last set" or some bullshit. Even though we were terrible we had a following of people because our live show was thought to be entertaining.
If you are around my age you know that summer of 06 was the prime era of myspace. It wasn't like face book where everyone had it, but a lot of lonely people did. Playing in a band I used it to search out the fat girls to recruit them to pay to see us and buy a t shirt and maybe get a blowjob out of it. On myspace it was far more common to message strangers so one day I got a message from a dumb ass 18 year old girl named Kaylee. In her pictures she seemed ok. She did they typical self taken shot above her eye-line so she looked skinnier, but she seemed to look ok. The message read "Hey I keep seeing you on here and you seem like a really interesting guy so I thought I'd send you a friend request." This message reeked of desperation so I played on that a bit.
We talked back in fourth for a couple days (with me replying 4 hours after her instant replies) just to play the game so-to-speak. For those reading this unaware of this technique it is very effective in making women feel like your time needs to be earned.
After a couple days of me bullshitting around I decided to invite her over for a drink, which she eagerly agreed to. Since either of us had a car she ended up taking the bus. My apartment was about 1km away from a straight-shot bus route from my place so I walked there to meet her. This was right before EVERYONE had a cellphone so I had to just wait and see when she arrived.
After waiting about 20 minutes I gave up and began walking back but she was dropped off exactly where I turned to walk back home. Off the bus comes this girl about 180lbs and 5'3. I forgot how deceitful myspace self-taken pics can be. She was wearing a hoodie (as what all large ladies do) and tight jeans. Not unattractive but just fat. I don't know how to explain it. You know when you see a fat girl you can tell would be hot if she were not so fucking fat? Well this was her. I knew right away I wanted to get something out of her as I was on my rampage and wanted to exercise my power I developed over her over the last couple days.
I knew I had to get super drunk.
I don't need to tell you that being drunk has it's disadvantages. Sure you're willing to stick it in something gross just to stick it in something, but it also causes equipment failures. I've been in the situation far too many times where I managed to get a girl home only to have drunk-dick and it just doesn't get hard enough. Either way, alcohol was needed.
We walked the 1km past my apartment to the beer vendor across the street from where I lived (yepppp) and I got 12 of the cheapest, shittiest but highest alcohol content beer available. Americans have the luxury of cheap alcohol available all the time but ours can be as high as 8% in cans. I decided to play it safe and just get some Lucky Extra (6%). I put the two six packs into her purse and started drinking. Of course I need to be drunk to do this but so does the woman. We began our 5km walk through the urban forest trails by my place. By the time we got to the actual trail I already had 4 beers and reached for her hand.
"Oh you're only into me because you're drunk" she said. It was a line I heard too many times in the past.
