Ah, serendipity!
Sometimes love bites you in the ass, but sometimes, sometimes a guy gets lucky and he has the problem of having too much love! Or two women who fell head over heels for him to be exact. Truly a good problem to have.
Marci, who I met at a bar we were having a work function at. As it was dispersing, just striking up a conversation with her. Tall, dark, striking and with a wild head of natural hair and a great body. We went on a few dates over the course of two weeks, hit it off, and she wants commitment. Says I'm the most amazing man she's ever met.
Jennifer, whom I met from a dating app, an attractive blonde living in NYC straight from Santa Barbara. Killer body on her, about what you'd expect from a southern California native who loves to surf. Also head over heels in love with me, after I had dated her for three weeks between Marci.
In separate conversations on consecutive days over dinner, in an honest exchange I laid out that while I was crazy for each of them, we weren't exclusive yet, and I was seeing another woman. Perhaps I should be concerned with just how much they wanted me, but they both proclaimed themselves the better women, and vehemently and passionately said they would do whatever it took to win me over.
The most ethical thing to do would have been to think long and hard on who I liked better and let the other woman down easy, but I didn't know whom I liked better. Marci and Jennifer were both spectacular in my eyes. So I figured I'd be a little bit unethical, and I suggested to both of them a competition to win my love that would be held in my apartment.
To my delight, they both agreed, and promised there would be no violence or cat fights when they met to compete to be my boo, my bae, etc. They wanted to know what the competition would be, but to prove their dedication I insisted they would only find out when they got to my apartment.
Warning: it's going to be a little bit weird. But what I did tell them was to bring a change of clothing, wear a pair of jeans that weren't too dark, and a nice top. Marci had raised an eyebrow but said she'd do anything for me, and Jennifer, with her typical laid back SoCal cool would have went along with it if I had told her to wear a potato sack and show up with a half dozen wacky hats.
The set up is complete, and I had cleaned up my apartment. On this fine Saturday, I requested that my beautiful gladiators show up at noon to my apartment to do (freaky) battle for my heart. Don't be late. And I was super-excited because my fantasy would come true.
11:55 A.M. and my buzzer rings, and I page the lovely Marci up to my apartment. And she is resplendent, wearing a pair of levi's jeans, medium blue as requested, with a button up shirt, open at the throat to reveal some lovely cleavage.
She went in for a kiss, but I placed a finger on her lips, "Ah, ah, Marci. You look lovely, but we must remain chaste today until things are decided."
She pouted playfully, but smiled, and said, "Sure, sure...but I'm here first and five minutes early!"
And as if on cue, the toilet flushed and Jennifer stepped out of my bathroom, "Ah, you're Marci," she chirped, "Actually you were here second; I was here ten minutes early." Finishing with a mocking smile.
Marci looked her over, and proclaimed that she wasn't impressed.
Cattiness aside, I was equally impressed with Jennifer. She looked amazing in a tight orange and white striped sweater and an equally and acceptably pair of Hollister blue jeans.
Jennifer smirked in response, and just said, "Whatever."
Marci looked like she wanted to kill Jennifer then, but I interceded, "Ladies, ladies, no bloodshed - we'll settle this today peacefully. Now, Marci, if you have to go to the bathroom, at all, I suggest you use the toilet now, ok, darling?"
She eyed Jennifer wearily and headed to the bathroom.
Jennifer, not being able to help herself, mocked, "If you're sure you want to leave me alone with Neil..."
"Sure, bitch, it'll be the last time you're alone with him. So, no worries." And closed the bathroom door to do her business.
Wow. Then tension in the air was thick. Jennifer stared at me with flirty eyes, but I remained aloof. I would make no further moves on either of them until the competition started. "I'm so much better than she is, Neil...and that language!"
"Ah ah ah, you'll have a chance, Jennifer, dear. Shh."
"I just want you is all!"
The toilet flushed, and a few seconds later Marci was at my side in the living room. Jennifer popped up from the couch to join us, but I backed away and told them to stay separate. "Marci, darling, you're great, and you look stunning, but can I trust you not to kill Jennifer? Will you be honorable?"
"Of course, Neil! But...yes, I'm sorry. I don't even know why I'm sweating this. I got this."
"Ok, I want the two of you to sit on the couch, at either end."
"Yes, love." Jennifer replied.
"Mmm, baby." Marci said.
"Ok, good! So...the two of you. You know you are the two most amazing women on the planet, but I have to choose one of you because it's unfair to divide my love. Agreed?"
"Yes," they said in unison.
"And it's fair to say the two of you would do whatever I asked to have me to yourselves?"
"You know I would!" Marci exclaimed.
"And I would do that, and more." Jennifer cooed, leaning forward and pressing her chest forward.
Marci rolled her eyes, but I appreciated their vigor.
"Ok, good." I said, leaving the room and returning with four bath towels. I silently laid them down on the living room floor, in pairs about four feet apart as they both watched with curiosity.
No use beating around the bush. "Ladies, I have a pee fetish." I confidently proclaimed, although a small part of me knew that that could be enough to shatter their love for me and get them running.
But, still, I forged ahead with my plan, confident in their adoration and love for me, and I was rewarded.
Jennifer didn't avert her gaze and enthusiastically proclaimed, "I'll pee for you if that's what you want. It'll be kind of fun. Something different!"
Marci, not to be deterred, "Mmmm...why even bother with her? You know I'll do it whenever. It's kind of flattering that you'd be into me so much, you're even into me peeing."
"That's what I like to hear," I replied. "We're going to have a hold-it contest, and you two ladies, who again, I must reiterate are the two most beautiful women in the universe, will have a battle of the bladders to win my heart."
Jennifer asked me if this was my deepest fantasy, and I replied it was.
"I'm super happy to do this then. Especially if it'll get rid of her finally!"
The dark cloud passed over Marci's face, again and I saw her mouth bitch but she remained calm and quiet. Instead she asked, "Ok, how does this work?"
"Glad you asked! This will be a multi-tiered competition. So, first of all, there will be the hold-it contest. Every fifteen minutes, you will each drink 8 oz. of iced tea. Simply, whoever pees their pants first loses...but, between drinks we will have rounds: one of which will be a Q and A, while the rest will be...hhhmmm,,. intimate appraisals."
