The final day of the trip had arrived.
"Won't be sorry to see the back of this hotel," Gordon moaned as he lumbered into the dining room. "I feel like leaving a one-star review on TripAdvisor! I didn't sleep a wink last night, given that I had to sleep on the floor."
Barry looked irritated. "You know, there was no reason why you couldn't have returned to your own room. The vicar went in and said some prayers. I'm sure that ghost wouldn't have returned."
"I wasn't prepared to take any chances!"
"You could've slept in our room, Gordon," Josh said. "There's a sofa in it."
"Well fat lot of good that does me now! Why didn't you tell me yesterday?"
"Um yeah. I guess I...er, forgot."
Reverend Morris appeared. "Good morning everyone! Now I'm hoping we can be back home by 4pm. I'm sure you'd all like join me in thanking our wonderful bus driver Ahmed for bringing us here in the first place."
There was a round of applause. Ahmed stood up and bowed.
"Cheers guys. It's been...an experience driving you all!"
"Excellent," the reverend continued. "I know this short holiday hasn't been the most exciting trip, but I'm glad you all came. Alpha and Omega are a small company and they've really struggled during the pandemic..."
"Any chance they'll start doing holidays to Benidorm?" Gordon piped up. "We could have a pilgrimage...visiting the pubs."
The vicar rolled his eyes. "You know they only do religious-themed breaks, Gordon. Also they only do breaks within the UK or to overseas territories."
"I thought Benidorm was a British overseas territory," Gordon replied.
"No you daft sod, it's the place with the rock," Barry whispered.
"Blackpool?"
"Gibraltar."
"Oh."
Seeing as we have plenty of time, I thought we'd make our journey back a bit more exciting. There's a lovely little church I'd like you all to see. It's got a delightful bell tower."
The group had a distinct lack of excitement, but tried to look interested.
"Well I think it's been a lovely short break," Jenna said, trying to inject some enthusiasm. "I've really enjoyed myself. Especially that visit to the museum yesterday. A good thing the other place was closed, otherwise I'd never have got my beautiful statue of Charles Wesley!"
The church of St. Mary was a quaint little place of worship. It was even smaller than St. Michael's.
"Ooh it's just like those you see in episodes of Father Brown," Jenna smiled. "The tower is really narrow."
Reverend Morris nodded. "Indeed it is. We're going up there to have a go at ringing the bells - there are only two bells. I spoke to Father Julian on the phone earlier. Only two people can fit into the tower, so we'll have to go up in pairs."
"I take it there's only two bellringers?"
"Yes, although apparently there was an occasion when one person rang both bells all by himself!"
The minibus pulled up outside the church, and the group filed in.
"Ah, greetings to you all!" A small, withered old man smiled, who wouldn't have looked out of place in a Charles Dickens novel.
"Thanks for allowing us to partake in this very special exercise, Father Julian," Reverend Morris said, shaking the old man's hand.
"Not at all! A pleasure to have visitors here at our church. "We don't get a lot at this time of year. Right, if you'd all like to follow me, and I'll lead you to the belltower. It is a truly unique tower - I trust all of you are able bodied persons? The tower is accessed by a ladder..."
"Did he say a ladder?" Gordon said, looking uneasy. "Uh-oh."
"Right, as Reverend Morris has already explained, the tower has a maximum capacity of two people, so if you'd like to buddy up," Father Julian said. "Reverend, I'll take you up and show you the ropes as it were...unless you'd prefer to go up with your wife?"
"Oh it's okay, you go first, Simon," Jenna smiled. "I don't mind bellringing with..." she glanced at Barry. "Someone else..."
"Fine by me," Reverend Morris replied. "Lead the way, Father."
Father Julian scrambled up the ladder with the agility of a mountain goat. "Just follow me. It's quite high. And the hatch is a bit of a squeeze.
"I'm not going up there!" Gordon muttered. "Just looking up at that is bringing on my vertigo and claustrophobia."
Reverend Morris spent a good ten minutes taking photos and having a go at ringing the two bells.
"Gosh that was fun! I really enjoyed that. I'm sure the others will too. Lovely view of the Lincolnshire countryside. Bellringing is much harder than it looks! I attempted to ring the bells at my church once...didn't do a very good job, alas!"
Bishop Julian and Reverend Morris descended the ladder.
"Right, who wants to go next? Jenna and Gordon, how about you?"
Gordon gulped. "Erm, actually I think I'll sit this one out if you don't mind. Ladders and tiny spaces are a phobia of mine. I had this traumatic experience with a cathedral organ many years ago. I had to climb up into the organ loft and I ended up spending a whole weekend inside it."
Sniggering broke out amongst the others.
"I read this article online about a guy in Florida who was an organist," Norman said. "He died after he shoved one of the organ pipes up his..."
"Um yes, I don't think that's a suitable story for inside a church!" Reverend Morris interrupted, as Father Julian listened intently.
"I wonder if the pipe would've played a note if the man had broken wind? I mean, a fart is air, isn't it? And it comes out at high pressure." Father Julian wondered. "I wouldn't advise inserting an organ pipe up one's rear. Most tend to be made of lead, which is an extremely toxic metal. I assume lead poisoning is what killed the unfortunate fellow?"