Jelly & Jam Festival 01
Hello there, I'm James, I'm close to turning 24 and I'm here today to confirm that it is just a trick math problem on how the city of Middleton seemingly has more festivals than there are weekends in a year as the erotic blogs would suggest. It's real math and just like it seems impossible that Mrs. Bentley can squeeze her boobs into her blouse, the endless number of festivals in Middleton squeeze into all of the available weekends, so the math works out.
"(Giggles)"
Anyways, my story starts out with the recent Jelly & Jam Festival, as sponsored by Mrs. Bentley, of course and my neighbors favorite and effective method of communication, where Mrs. Shaw uses the original cell phone method of just yelling over the chain link fence that separates our properties. Which is okay most of time. Most of time. Mrs. Shaw can be a little free spirited from time to time, but in her defense, her spirited expressions only come out between one sun rise and the next sun rise, so.
"James???? Yoo-hoo, James, are you near your backyard? Can you hear me, James?? Yoo-hoo!"
[Literally runs from the couch in the front of the house to the rear patio door]
"I'm here, Mrs. Shaw, I'm here, so, what's up?"
"Oh, good then, James. I thought I might disturb your nap or something, so, good, you're up and about, but listen, James, I have a couple of issues and I need your help with a couple of things, so can I count on your support then, hmm?"
"Oh, Mrs. Shaw, of course, I'm here for you, but you've said "a couple" now a couple of times, so I'm going to need an over the fence bra flash for that, so?"
"Oh, well, I'm not wearing a bra today, James, so."
"Fine, Mrs. Shaw, what do you need from me then, hmm?"
[Flashes James anyways. Not Mrs. Bentley's size, but who is, right?]
"(Giggles)"
[Flashes again for good measure]
"Alright, James, I'm having a small after party tomorrow night after the first night of the Jelly & Jam Festival and that's where I need your help and understanding, so listen, James, my after party cocktail party will only be for a couple of hours, but the thing is, well, if the men want to smoke a cigar, I mean, I was going to push them into that front corner where our fences meet, so as the good neighbor, I'm making sure you're okay with that, so?"
"Oh, shoot, Mrs. Shaw, that won't be an issue for me at all. I mean, sure, I'll have to postpone my plans where I was going to test my theory that after sundown and during a cocktail party that a chain link fence can actually doubles as a backyard glory hole, but it's just a theory to this point, so, well, let the men smoke their big fat cigars then, Mrs. Shaw."
"Oh, well, James, you still might get your dick sucked off, but the after dark chain link fence glory hole mouth slut might not have boobs, but thanks for understanding, James."
[Feverishly scratches out one experiment from the Sci Lab Experiment book! Just rips page out]
"Tee he, well, Mrs. Shaw, how else can I help then, hmm?"
"Can I button my blouse back up before I go on, James? We have other neighbors, you know!"
I mean, none of you good folks ever heard me say to take it that far, right? And sure, no, I wasn't complaining and all, but re-read above, I'm just barely 24 and bare boobs solve all math problems and neighborly disputes, so. Just ask Mrs. Bentley!
"(Giggles)"
[Huh, so, two buttons are the same as rebuttoning up the entire blouse then? Cool]
"Alright, James, listen, on top of all that, I just got back from the grocery store where I went bat MILF crazy with party supplies and my refrigerator is tapped out, so, I mean, can I cram some stuff into your refrigerator and freezer then, James?"
"Oh, I mean, absolutely, Mrs. Shaw, um, wow, but no judging me for how much room there may or may not be in my refrigerator and freezer then. I mean, I'm 24 and single and I eat a lot of take out, so?"
"OMG, men! Men who think it's a four-course meal when Suzie from the Pizza Shop throws in two extra containers of dipping sauce! But I promise no judging. But I can't promise that one of my boobs might not pop out while I'm loading up your refrigerator since I only rebuttoned the two lower buttons on my blouse, so?"
Well, as the good neighbor, right? I just had to dash across the yards and help Mrs. Shaw with the bags of cocktail supplies, right? However, I should have mentioned above that to my best knowledge, I mean, I'm pretty sure that Mrs. Shaw is loyal and all. Flamboyant as hell, but loyal. And someone who I wished I knew when she was in her twenties! What a river date she must have been, right?
Anyways, putting my pervert side aside.
"Huh, James, you need a woman. And you need furniture, but your house is nice."
Well, I didn't do it, but what buttoned buttons, right? Not that I was complaining or anything. I also wasn't complaining about the trays of shrimp and veggies and soda mixers and bagged ice that filled my refrigerator and freezer! I wasn't going to touch or eat any of it, but, LOL, I was most certainly going to download a couple of photos on Chang! And I made a few notes in my Sci Lab notebook about what is required to host a party.
"Oh, oh, well then, James, I mean it's only one box, but these are the good brand of frozen fish sticks! They are nice and thick and tasty and moist, James, so do you like your women in fishnets then, James, hmm?"
"Oh, I know these are the good ones, Mrs. Shaw and they are quick to cook in the late evenings in the microwave and wait, what, Mrs. Shaw?"
"The fish sticks, James, the thicker they are, the longer they need to cook in the microwave, so be sure to put your microwave in high heels for at least two minutes, got it, James?"
"Oh, Mrs. Shaw, I'm a guy, so I zap everything in the microwave for one minute longer than the package says for the cooking time, so, wait, what, Mrs. Shaw?"
"Well, three is always better than two, James, but be sure to poke her a little to make sure she is soft and moist all the way through, so?"
"I mean, wait, what, Mrs. Shaw?"
"And since they are just your mid evening snacks, James, I mean, why not pick up a box of taco shells and just make fish tacos then, hmm? Unless you like to slip your thick fish stick in between a couple of buns, I mean, that's just a thought, so?"
"Oh, I actually like hot dog buns better than most breads, wait, what, Mrs. Shaw?"
"Well, I need to get a move on, James, since I still have to shower before making my appearance at the Friday night Jelly & Jam Festival kickoff event, but you should pick up some pasties for dessert the next time you're at the grocery store, James, maybe, so?"
"Oh, um, sure, I might do that, Mrs. Shaw, wait, pasties or pastries then, Mrs. Shaw? I mean, I think I have water in my ear from my morning shower and I think I have misunderstood most of everything that we just talked about, so?"
"OMG, men! Always thinking about their women in a full fishnet body suit while wearing high heels with tiny black undies and black circular pasties with bright red circles in just the right two places, which makes them want to push their thick fish stick in and out of a soft pair of buns, I mean, men!"
I mean, read back and I said none of that, right? I mean, it sounded nice, but I suggested nothing! Right?
"Anyways, James, I apologize for cutting this conversation short, but thanks for understanding about how the hubby's might twirl fat cigars in their mouths and talk trash and for the use of your single guy empty refrigerator and for ogling over my boobs because it's been a while for that, but I need to get going. Oh, snap, James, snap, I think I just had a bare breast exposure moment! Tee he, I was just rambling on about how you like your women in fishnets and duh, my diamond hard nipples got the best of me! Sheesh, I should have saved that sneaky conversation for next month's throwback Retro Bunny Festival! But with the seemingly endless number of festivals that we have here in Middleton, I mean, who would blame me for get a couple of festivals mixed up, so, oops, my bad, James! And I can call my nipples diamond hard if I want to! I mean, they are more like candy gum drop hard these days, but you haven't seemed to mind anyways, so?"
"Bah, um, bah, um, bah, um, bah."
"Well, James, the truth is that I'm setting you on a path to, um, is it still called a hook up, James? I mean, my plan for my Jelly & Jam after party tomorrow night is to send Mrs. Brimstone over here when more party supplies are required and I think you need a woman with a little experience, so?"
"Bah, um, bah, um, bah, um, bah."
"Okay, bye, James and thanks again and I'll see you at the festival tomorrow, so bye."
Well, here's the thing about any and all festivals that Mrs. Bentley pulls together, it's almost the "kiss of social death" not to attend for some period of time, so, yep, I would be seen at the Jelly & Jam Festival over the weekend.
However, one thing I had never done was to attend the Friday night kick off event, which I don't quite understand since all of the festivals are well advertised and supported, but if it's what the generation just above me does, then why not check it out, right?
And I wasn't going just to check out Mrs. Brimstone! I've done that plenty since she is a girlfriend with Mrs. Shaw and chain link fences are basically transparent, so. Well, wait, let me rephrase that, it's not that I have checked out Mrs. Brimstone in the past, but the chain link fence basically makes it impossible to not spy on your neighbors and their friends, so.
Besides, since Mrs. Bentley is the festival guru with the moo, moo, mega milkers, I mean, a crazy hail storm could break out during the festival kickoff event and what better place to take shelter than under her chest, right?
"(Giggles)"
And what the hell, right? People wander around festivals in casual weekend clothing, but the kickoff speeches are attended in just above casualwear then, hmm? I mean, I almost felt under dressed in my cargo shorts. Not that anyone was looking at me since Mrs. Bentley was up on the stage making her boobs shake like jelly on the right and jam on the left with every word she spoke!
"(Giggles)"
But huh again, the kickoff speech was well attended with a good number of people, even if half of the hubby's kept glancing over their shoulders at the basketball courts.
"So, ladies and gentlemen, please support the Jelly & Jam this weekend and come with hefty wallets. The old spinsters have the lock on the jars of jellies and the old biddies have the lock on the jars of jam and as always, we all need to support them and blah, blah, blah...."
See, folks? Jiggle to the right and jiggle to left!
"(Giggles)"
And all that hypnotizing jiggling made it difficult to pay attention to who was moving about in the crowd.
"Hi. It's James, right? Mrs. Shaw's neighbor stud, I mean, Mrs. Shaw's single neighbor guy, right? I saw you a few times in your backyard when I have visited with Sandra, so?"
"Hi, um, that's me, James, the guy from next door, Mrs. Brimstone, um, so, hi, LOL, again. Ooh, um, should I address you as Mrs. Brimstone then, hmm?"
"Oh, well then James, um, Brenda, Mrs. Brimstone or your 2 minutes MILF girlfriend soon, we'll see, so?"
