Hello, my name is Timothy Cunningham. I'm gonna share the most impacting event of my life; so that those who read this out there can perhaps be more true to their feelings and not miss their chance at true happiness...
*****
You could say I had a pretty normal life growing up. I had a good family, a nice neighborhood, and a social group that I fit into very comfortably. But, the most important person in that group was my best friend Lisa Parker.
Lisa is one of those people that you rarely meet. She has a personality that just endears you to her from the moment she says her first "hello". But don't get me wrong. She also has a sassy side to her. She can be a real smartass at times.
We've known each other since we were four (I'm slightly older than her by about a month). So naturally, we made little nicknames for each other. I would always call her Lis; pronounced like lease. She would call me Tim.
We did pretty much everything together growing up; played video games, watched TV, studied together, and even got in trouble together at school. It was pretty much one of those friendships that whenever the principal called one of our parents because we got in too much trouble, our parents knew that the other was also in trouble; even something as silly as that only strengthened our bond.
Growing up, we had such an incredible friendship, that nothing; petty or tremendous alike could separate us. We spent more time with each other than we did with any other person. A friend like Lisa only comes by once in a lifetime.
Our friendship, like all friendships, has had some rocky times were we might have gone too far, but there has never been a time when I thought that we couldn't be friends anymore because of it.
****************************************
High school was a pretty normal experience for the both of us. We were both 19 at graduation. I know, I know; a year too late. I was going to be held back in my junior year, and she was so loyal to me, that she purposefully got herself held back also; so we could graduate at the same time. She was absent the right amount of days to be held back.
Being held back also meant that she would get kicked off of the volleyball team that she had been with since we started going there in freshman year. I begged her not to, but she insisted. She got the scolding of a lifetime from her parents. But it was already done. I remember asking her why she wanted to graduate with me so badly; why she would purposefully get into so much trouble for me.
She just simply said, "Because I love you."
My heart skipped a beat when she said this. I had heard her say it to me so many times in the past and I would say it to her as well. We always meant it like friends did. But when she said it this time, it seemed to have a different meaning than all the other times.
"I love you too, Lis," I replied.
Now, there is one detail about her that I should make note of before you might say we're the "perfect pair" for each other...
Lisa is a lesbian.
She came out to me and both of our families first when we were all together for dinner one night; a little after graduation. To the others, it seemed like a minimal shock, but to me, it felt like a bullet went straight through my heart.
I realized that the bond between us, as strong as it was; we couldn't really be an item because of how weird it would probably be. But somehow with that fact in my head, it still devastated me. I didn't know at the time why I was so sad about it.
Her family as well as mine took it very well. We all seemed to have the "we still love you the same" tone about it. She seemed grateful that we all accepted her orientation. We toasted her coming out as well as our graduation with a "cheers for the future", raising our glasses.
I sat my glass down on the table and just looked at it for the longest time; thinking. I couldn't make sense of my feelings at that moment. Then I looked over at her and she looked directly into my eyes. She had the most sincere look: not happy, not angry.
I didn't think it really hit me until right then and there, that she was serious. I had NO shot with her. I had nothing to offer her in her love life. But the most stunning revelation that night was the reason that I was thinking those things: I WAS IN LOVE WITH HER!!
I didn't know what to do with myself. For the first time in my life, I felt truly alone. I always went to Lisa when I had a problem I couldn't fix that was too personal for even my parents, but I could never approach her with this one because the problem WAS about her and her orientation. But, I didn't hate her for it or anything.
I just sat there for what seemed like forever and pondered our future together, given my new-found feelings for her...
What is there to say when guy falls in love with his lesbian-best friend?
Should I tell her anyway, given that I probably already know the turnout?
Should I stop hanging out with her so much for fear of what I might say to her eventually?
Or should I just lock that part away and just be the friend that she grew up with?
I chose the only logical one...
"So what do you want to do tomorrow, Lisa?" I asked; mustering up a smile.
****************************************
Three years later; and now we were going to the same college; which was about 2 hours away from our hometown. We live in an apartment together just off the campus, figuring it was easier on both of our wallets if we share rent rather than dorms that cost a fortune. We always kept the apartment tidy. We cook, clean and all the other normal things. We also study up together on the one or two classes that we try to share each semester.
It's really no different than any other dual-living situation. When we first moved in together, I thought it was going to be weird but it turned out to be pretty much the same as whenever we were at each other's houses during our childhood. Mind you that we kept our utmost privacy when it came to certain things, but it really didn't feel that much different. After only a little while, we both seem to be 100% comfortable with our new living situation.
Over the past couple of years since she came out, she made mention just almost every time we hung out how disgusting and unsexy ALL men are. She would point out a man and a woman holding hands and say something like,
"Look at that guy. He's holding her hand with one hand and scratching his ass with the other. What a PIG! I'm so glad I'm a lesbian. You're just about the only guy I can tolerate for more than five minute's Tim!"
I just laughed at her.
"Oh, you're so naïve Lis. We do have a tendency to do these nasty things, but we also make sure that the woman in our life is the happiest woman on Earth. At least, that's what I would do for my girl."
Her smile changed into a look that I've only seen a few times on her. She just looked at me with a gaping smile, if you could imagine what that would look like. It was as if I just said the nicest thing to her.
Then after a few seconds, her smartassy smirk came back.
"Yeah, if you had one Tim, hehe."
She always knew the perfect thing to say to fuck with me. It was always harmless though. Neither of us was seeing anybody at that moment. We both had our share of steady relationships. But, there was nothing incredibly serious in either of our individual relationships that we've had over the years.
"Actually, I do have a woman in my life. She just bats for the home team; so to speak," I said laughing back at her.
She playfully slapped my shoulder and laughed along with me. She wrapped her arms around one of mine as we walked to where we were going that day.
