I can't believe he gave me a B! I looked up from the paper my professor just handed me, devastated. I know, I know – to most people, a B would be a hell of a good grade. But I'm really not like most students; I'm a damn good writer, and I'm especially good at writing history papers. For the past two years, I've had no less than 12 of my 15 classes with the best professors in the history or political science departments – and I had never walked away with anything less than an A-.
I'd had this particular professor for the past three semesters, and on every single assignment I'd ever given him, I'd received an A – even on those that I definitely bs'ed my way through. I'd worked really hard on this particular paper – a discussion of the significance of the varying interpretations of Progressive Era and Gilded Age reformist photography – and honestly hadn't expected anything but an A.
I looked up at him as he walked back up the aisle toward the front of the room; he made eye contact with me briefly, but not long enough for me to be able to discern what he thought. After class – which took FOREVER, for some reason – I waited in line to speak to him about the paper. There were about five other people who apparently had the same issue; that's about normal, since he's a demanding professor. I'm just unaccustomed to having to actually be one of those people who's unhappy with her grade.
As I waited (I'd deliberately maneuvered to the back of the line, so that he didn't feel rushed when he got to me), I subtly considered him. He's definitely one of those professors who could have been anywhere from 35-50; he was about 5'10", around 170 lbs., silvery blond hair, green eyes. He had that deeply academic look about him; he wore clothes that were slightly too big, and his posture was slightly hunched, as though he spent most of his time in front of a computer screen. He wore plaid shirts and sweater vests and glasses – all things that I find incredibly sexy, because they've all been indications of deeply intelligent men when I've encountered them in any combination. He wasn't married, but I hadn't been able to find out exactly why; I knew that he'd gone through a recent divorce, and there were whispers that it was entirely on her end, but I hadn't heard anything more concrete. I couldn't imagine that it had been his fault; of all of the professors I'd had, he'd been one of the most accommodating, and was always willing to schedule a meeting to talk about anything anyone might need. He was southern, I think; he had this really great soft and slow way of speaking. It wasn't traditionally southern in that he didn't have a noticeable drawl, but he was excessively polite and he spoke more slowly as he got more excited about whatever it was that he was discussing.
I came back to reality just about the time that the guy in front of me started complaining about how he felt that his A-quality work had received a D; Dr. Baldwin solemnly assured him that he would take a second look at it, and promised to email the guy – I think his name might have been Ben – with his revised comments. That seemed to placate Ben, and he left with something less of an unpleasant expression on his face than had been there previously.
When Dr. Baldwin looked up from Ben's paper, he didn't seem at all surprised to see me, although he did seem, uncharacteristically, slightly put-off. I began, "I really just wanted to ask you about the grade that you gave me. I was wondering exactly what about my work you found below your usual standard." He sighed, also uncharacteristically, and said, "You know, there wasn't really anything particularly bad about your work. I just thought that you could have done a bit better." He seemed to think that that was sufficient, because he turned slightly away, as though he was finished speaking. I wasn't satisfied, though, and asked, "Could you maybe explain to me what it is that I could have done to get an A? I don't like B's, and I really want to do the best that I can."
He nodded slowly, and then said, "I'm actually on my way out to a meeting right now; I don't really have any time today or tomorrow, but I could meet with you on Thursday if you wish."
"Actually, that doesn't work for me at all; I don't have any time on Thursday or Friday that I could carve out more than 10 minutes. This is a difficult week for me."
Somewhat reluctantly, he said, "Well...I don't expect that my meeting will extend much past 9 p.m. tonight. Could you meet with me at 9:30, if you'd still like to discuss it?"
I told him that that time worked for me, thanking him in advance for taking the time to meet with me. He nodded and turned away, a clear dismissal this time. As I walked to my next class, I thought about the discussion; the way that he had been acting really was uncharacteristic of his expansive, overly-helpful self. There was a part of me that was excited about meeting with my professor relatively privately at 9:30 at night. He wasn't obviously, immediately attractive in the traditional sense, but I was definitely attracted to him. I find intelligence overwhelmingly sexy, and there were so many other things about him that were so cute that I couldn't help it.
Before I left for my meeting with Dr. Baldwin, I re-styled my hair, adding a few more curls; I also made sure that my eyeliner was sufficiently applied so as to enhance my eyes; I don't have a model's body (I'm short, around 5'3'', and I could stand to lose around 30 pounds), but my proportional measurements and my (so I've been told) amazing eyes make up for my other detriments. I'm not the stereotypically smart geeky-looking anime kind of girl, and I take great pride in the fact that I care about what I look like while at the same time being able to substantatively contribute to an intellectual discussion.
I started on the relatively brief walk to Dr. Baldwin's office in Mack Hall at 9:20; it was only just across the road from where I lived, just about a tenth of a mile away. I was wearing a long, flowing white skirt and a creamy pink tank top underneath a cropped lace shrug; I like looking feminine, and my outfit showed off my 38DD breasts spectacularly. I knocked on his door at exactly 9:30; I hadn't seen another person in the entire building as I'd made my way to his second-floor office. He opened the door and invited me in; again, I got the sense that he was more than slightly distracted by something.
He started, "Right. You want to talk about your paper grade... I don't really know what to tell you, other than I think that you might have become a bit too complacent about the grades that you've been receiving."
I hadn't been even remotely expecting to hear anything like that. "What do you mean?"
"What I mean is that I know that you're quite a talented writer, and that more than that, so do the rest of your professors within the department. I've heard you say, on several occasions, that you very rarely receive anything less than an A, which is a score that most of your peers receive only rarely. I think that you have grown far too accustomed to doing well, and as a result, you haven't felt as though you needed to push yourself beyond what you've accomplished so far. To be completely honest with you, the paper that you turned in would have been a high A compared with those of the rest of your classmates. But because I know you and I know what you are capable of creating, you received a lower grade than someone else would have otherwise."
I was incredulous as he explained his reasoning; more than that, I was more than slightly upset. "I can't believe that you would give me a lower score as a penalty for doing well. I think that's really unfair of you."
He looked quite surprised at my words; hurt crossed his face, followed by what looked like anger. "To be completely honest with you, Ashley, it's not really my concern whether or not you understand or like my grading scale. It's not something that I'm required to explain to you."
Angrily, I stood up and turned to leave his office. As a parting shot, I said, "Just because your personal life is a complete mess doesn't mean that you have to make my life any more difficult by giving me a lower score." As soon as I said the words, I knew that I'd crossed a line – I looked at him, watching for his reaction. It was evident that I'd hit a nerve and that my words had hurt him; he looked a bit as though he'd been punched, and then his expression became impassive. He stood and took two steps toward me, bringing him into quite close proximity. After looking at me for a minute or so, he said softly, "You have absolutely no conception of what my life is like, Ashley; I can't believe that you would say something so incredibly thoughtless. I really thought that you were different, or at least, that you were so much smarter than people your age usually are and that somehow you were more mature. I'm quite disappointed that I was so completely mistaken."