Mary recommended him. Later she told me that Valerie had recommended him to her. I knew I would recommend him to someone soon. Probably Nancy. But not now.
I was still cussing at the computer that day when I sat down at Mary's table for lunch at BRG.
Jeff used to take care of our computer problems, but he was away on a week-long business trip. The computer had been running slow for some time and since he got his laptop he had been neglecting it. It was my sole computer and I had a paper I to complete for my job.
It wasn't that old, it just had a lot of glitches and ran too slow. So when I told Mary why I was so stressed out she told me about Dan 'The C Man'. I was about to ask her what the C stood for and then realized what a dumb question that would be..
"Aren't some of these home computer guys rip-offs? Unemployed guys who don't know what they're doing?" I asked. "Jeff is going to go ballistic if he finds out I paid a couple hundred bucks, especially if he doesn't make it any better or makes it worse."
"That's the great thing about Dan. He'll come in and look at your computer for a flat $20 fee, tell you what is wrong with it and what it needs. If you give him the okay, he'll fix you right up for $20 an hour from the time he got there. If you say no, he'll just take your $20. And he guarantees his work. He came to me highly recommended and rightfully so."
Mary seemed really satisfied with his services.
"So you've never had a problem with him?"
"No, but I do have Dan over regularly, usually for just a quick tune-up. It is amazing how dysfunctional my machine can get without proper attention."
Every week seemed a little odd, but for only $20 an hour it seemed harmless enough. I decided to call him right away. At this point he couldn't make the computer any worse.
I took the card Mary offered me. 'Dan the C Man' it said on the first line, then 'CCR β Repair Experts' and the phone number.
When I called him on my cell after leaving the restaurant I fell in love with his voice. It sounded smooth like a sexy DJ. I had pictured a 35-year-old nerdy mouth-breather. When I realized that's probably what he looked like I almost burst into laughter at the picture in my head.
"I can be there at 2."
"Sounds great", I said. If I hurried I could get in a quickie before he came. Even with a glass of wine at lunch my insides were still tied in knots. Thinking of the glacial pace of our PC had that effect on me. I had found that the best cure for that was a good orgasm. Since I had an excuse not to work I was hoping for some Rabbit time.
"Mary told you it is cash only?"
"Yeah", I lied before hanging up.
Bye Bye Bunny guy, Now I had to go to the ATM. That would leave only about 20 minutes and I would be spending that straightening up the house. Jeff always gives me a hard time about that: 'They're just service people you are never going to see again. What's to be embarrassed about?' The time he gave me a maid service whole-house cleaning for my birthday I spent the whole morning cleaning the house before they came.
I hadn't had an orgasm in a long time. Jeff hadn't been interested in sex much lately and won't talk about it. Mr. Jack Rabbit does a good job but Jeff hadn't left me any free time this weekend and I had had to be in the office all last week. I wondered if maybe I could sneak upstairs while Dan was working on the computer.
I prefer to warm myself up by writing in my journal on the computer, surfing some light lesbian porn, writing some of my sexual fantasies, usually about other women before I have to run upstairs while stripping off my clothes and pulling the horny hare out of his hidey-hole.
It's not that I am crazy about girl-on-girl stuff, but I usually feel guilty thinking about other guys and can't enjoy myself. Jeff even told me once that if I had an affair with another women he wouldn't consider it cheating or even a problem, though he probably had ulterior motives. It creeped me out slightly.
The doorbell rang.
When I opened the door I wondered if there was some kind of mistake. It was a good looking guy in his late twenties who looked more like a personal trainer than a computer tech. Before I could say anything stupid he smiled at me and walked inside and said, "Hi, I'm Dan." and his voice told me it was the same Dan I had talked to earlier. I felt my heart flutter.
"I'm Karen," I said, shaking his firm hand. He waited a moment while I processed the good-looking vision in front of me before he broke my reverie.
"So where is she?"
I was slightly flustered, so it took me even longer than normal to realize he was talking about my computer.
"She β it's β here, I'll show you."
I think I saw a bemused smirk on his face as I walked past him towards the study. The Blue Screen of Death, or BSD as some people call it, though I think of it as "Bitch β Suck and Die!", was still there bathing the room in its evil glow. I had put a $20 bill next to it.
"Oh, the old Bubonic Sick Death screen," Dan said and smiled at me once more. I froze again like a prepubescent girl coming face to face with Justin Beiber. He rescued me.
"All right. Well, let me take a look."
All I could think of was porn movie dialogue like "What would you like to take a look at?" so I nodded and started to walk. I paused, recovering and asked, "Do you need me for anything or can I get something β things done upstairs?"
I needed an orgasm. Bad.
"That should be fine. I don't need you close by but I might need some questions answered., so just don't get involved in anything too hot and heavy."
"OK", I said. "Damn" I thought. Who new he was a deputy in the sex police?
I floundered around the house for about an hour. I felt guilty not working or getting something else done, but each time I started something I changed my mind after a few minutes and went on to something else..
I finally decided I was too stressed out to get any work done that day even if Dan did get the computer working in the next hour. Since my normal destresser wasn't available, I reasoned it was after 5 in Iceland, uncorked a bottle of wine, and sat down to read the newspaper.
I had a hard time concentrating. My thoughts kept wandering, often into fantasies of Dan. I wondered what his cock looked like? I slapped myself inside my brain. I wasn't going to cheat on Jeff. In my book it was OK to fantasize about other guys, but not when you were alone with them in a house.
I had read the same sentence eight times on page 3 when I heard Dan's footsteps approaching. I clumsily tried to hide the wineglass behind the sports section, I didn't want him to think I was a Kathie Lee. I glanced at the clock and noted it was already 4:15 and that I could have had a doubleheader afternoon delight with Roger Rabbit and had time to spare.
"Karen?"
When I turned around I could tell he was looking right at the Sports section. I wasn't fooling him.
"If you have a moment I can show you what I found."
All kinds of sexual innuendos bubbled in my head before I clamped down on them.
"Sure."
I followed him back into the study. The computer looked perfect.
"Wow"
"Don't get too excited. At least not just yet."
As he started talking I nodded at everything he said while mentally replying in unspoken words, preparing for my next career as a porn movie script writer.
"Your hard drive was really messed up. I started to straighten it out."
I'd like to straighten out your hard drive.
"But it needs a thorough reaming,"
You can ream me anytime, big boy.
Reaming didn't seem like a technical term.
"I would recommend you get some more RAM."
Would you like to RAM me?
"You need a spy-ware program."
You can spy on me if I can spy on you.
I realized my mental repartee was getting really silly at that point.
"So I can come back next week if you want me to or you can tell me to take a hike."
I'll take a--
"Is there any chance of this getting taken care of any sooner? I was hoping to get this done while my husband's away. He doesn't like the idea of someone else messing around on his computer."
"I can see why," Dan said.
"What do you mean?"
"Oh nothing," He lied. "Some guys just don't feel it's manly to have another guy helping them. Though I wouldn't think..."
Dan trailed off and then quickly changed the subject.
"Well, I don't usually work past five, but I could make an exception today, But you'd have to pay overtime."
I could afford it, though it meant standing up Jack Rabbit a little longer.
"What's your overtime rate?"
"Same as the regular rate, but with a few 'extras'. You can start with a glass of that wine you were drinking," he said, smiling at me in a way that almost seemed flirtatious. The 'extras' sounded intriguing.
I smiled back and went out to the kitchen. I grabbed the ATM envelope with the other $180 in it. When I returned Dan was seated at the computer. As I rounded the corner I clearly saw a picture of a couple naked guys in very close proximity just before it disappeared from the screen. .
'
Shit
,' I thought. Here I was fantasizing about this stud and he was actually a gay guy whom I was paying to look at man-porn on my computer.
That wasn't happening.
"What was that!?"