I had been dreading this night since receiving the invitation in the mail. We had split up over a year ago now and I was still struggling with the split, confusion, anger and now jealousy filled me; but still a deep love prevailed and wanting for your smile and touch once more. Through degrees of separation we had a similar friend circle and nights like tonight had to happen eventually.
I arrived a little after 8pm and the party was just starting to warm up, people mingling about and catching up. Most are couples with kids so having a night away is a luxury. I look about and see you have not arrived yet, breathing a sigh of relief I grab a drink from my esky and head off.
Tania is the hostess with the mostest and grabs me in a big hug "Mick so glad you could make it" she squeals in my ear as my lungs are compressed.
"No problems Tan would not have missed your birthday," I look at her but she senses my distraction.
Looking over her shoulder I see you walking in with your new man. I want the earth to swallow me up but I need to be brave. You look over like your scanning the crowd; noticing me you smile and I melt.
"Fuck," I think to myself, "she is gorgeous."
He is beaming and well why not.
I cannot begrudge him that I was too once. I slip off and meet up with some friends I have not seen for a long time. I glance over occasionally but try to be cool.
The night is going well so far and I start to relax, anxiety levels drop and whilst I do not forget about you being there, I can't do that, but I relax somewhat.
After a couple of beers I make my way inside to find the toilet. Walking through the kitchen I am startled by a grab on the arm. Spinning around I am met with a soft smile, lips seemingly curled nervously.
"Hey you, hiding from me are you," You smile at me knowing my feelings and thoughts, there is no malice in your tone.
My fears leave at once to your touch, "No I was just catching up with people and ah umm," I stumble, "yes I was."
You look up at me about to say something cutting you off "Look I'm busting for the loo, still be here when I get back?" I ask.
Nodding I slip off and find the loo with no queue. Locking the door I almost feint with excitement. "Pull yourself together idiot"
Finishing off I wash my hands and head back to the kitchen. Your still there talking with Tania, I step back and watch you for a minute. That smile is something that I will never tire of the way you light the room. For a second my shoulders drop as I remember how you used to light up my life. You look up and see me smiling, your eyes welcoming, I smile back and walk over.
The three of us sit back and talk as the party rages outside. Tania then grabs us into the front room "come on let's get some space and have a decent wine."
The front room is large with a massive 'L' shaped module lounge. Settling back Tania grabs a bottle of red and we get stuck in. All the while I am thinking where is the new man? If it was me sure give space but letting her alone and not even checking up! Oh well that's her choice and I am here with her so lucky me.
With one bottle down and relaxing us all I get up to head outside for some fresh air and get some nibbles. Grabbing my leg you tell me not to be long. "Shit," I think that look again, I melt there and then.
Outside I look about for her man, seeing him over the other side with a bunch on blokes. As I grab a bowl of chips and dip I move closer to listen in. All I can hear is suspension, engines and car talk. "Ugh," I think a car nut.
Walking back inside I see the two of you cosy on the couch giggly like slightly tipsy women.
