It's an ill wind that blows no good. Charlie, a mate of mine, came off his bike and broke his leg in two places. He was going to be in plaster for eight weeks. What was worse he'd already paid a non-refundable deposit on a trip to the Gold Coast for a week in sunny Queensland, with nothing to do but have fun.
Being a good sport, and having a holiday due, I checked with my boss. Things were slack, so he told me to grab the ticket and have fun. So I bought the trip off Charlie. At a slightly discounted price, I'll admit, but still a reasonable deal for both of us. Then I had to break the news to my parents.
Now I'm twenty and still living at home. By choice, because it makes economic good sense. Only paying board, I was squirrelling away a nice little nest egg, and I already had enough for a deposit on my own place.
The drawback of living at home is that parents still think they control all aspects of your life and can get a bit toey when you do something unexpected, like taking a holiday in Queensland. I arrived home that evening and broke the bad news about Charley and the good news about my trip to Queensland and waited for the recriminations.
To my surprise they were actively interested, checking what dates I'd be gone and where I'd be staying. Then they were congratulating me, telling me I'd have a wonderful time. I'm all like sure, thanks, and wondering what the hell?
That's when they dropped me in it.
"Denise is going to the Gold Coast, too, and she's on the same package you're on," enthused Mother. "Her parents have been real worried about it. There's no telling what sort of trouble a young woman can get into all alone in a place like that. We'll be able to tell her parents that you're going along and will be only too glad to keep an eye on her."
Denise is what is known as a friend of the family. My parents adore her. She's eighteen, pretty and popular, and a walking menace. If anyone can cause trouble in the most innocent way, she can. I've had the job of pulling her out of scrapes for years. I swear, if Queensland knew what was on the way they'd close the state for a while.
Here, of course, is where I'd outsmarted myself. I'd paid Charley for the ticket immediately. This was so that when my parents objected I'd be able to say I'd already paid. They would have still grumbled, but wouldn't let the money go to waste. So now I was stuck.
Not that Denise was exactly enamoured of the idea that I was going on the same trip. I pointed out rather bluntly that I would be quite happy to keep out of her way as long as she promised to keep out of mine. She just sniffed and pointed out that she didn't get in people's way. Not like some she could mention.
We arrived at the Gold Coast almost without incident. Somehow or other, the tour guide had got the impression that I was Denise's keeper, so whenever trouble loomed she sought me out. Denise was puzzled by this at first. Absolutely livid when she found out why. I denied all knowledge and suggested she speak to her parents about it.
Once we were settled on the Gold Coast I was able to ignore Denise, which compliment she returned. Unfortunately, being on the same package meant we had a number of common perks. One of these was a boat ride on the second day, taking us cruising and stopping at some of the islands to explore and swim.
We had lunch at one of these islands and were then allowed to go and explore. We were given firm reminders of the time the boat left and told to please be at the dock in a timely manner. Anyone who missed the boat would be stuck until the next day.
I looked around the island and then went for a swim at one of the beaches. Getting back to shore I checked the time and was surprised to find it was a lot earlier than I thought. I still had well over an hour before I had to be back at the dock.
I was strolling along the shore when I almost tripped over Denise, sunbaking. Topless. I have to admit, she had a great pair. She saw me approaching and hastily put her top on.
"Pervert," she snapped.
"Uh-huh. That's me," I agreed. "Don't be too long. You won't want to miss the boat."
"Plenty of time," Denise said airily. "You should be thanking me. If it hadn't been for me you'd have been back an hour early and just sitting twiddling your thumbs waiting."
I was once riding a bike downhill when someone threw a stick and it shot through the spokes of the front wheel. Ripped out most of the spokes and sent the bike, and me, into a crazy somersault. The churning stomach I had at the time was very much the same as the churning stomach I had now.
I looked at my watch. Fifty minutes to boat time and I was five minutes away.
"What did you do, Denise?" I asked, not really wanting the answer.
"I saw your stuff while you were swimming and I was looking at your watch. It was an hour out. You forgot Daylight Savings ended last night. If you used a smart phone like me, instead of that old watch, you'd have had the correct time automatically. Anyway, I adjusted it for you."
"Denise, your watch is on Melbourne time, yes?"
"D-uh, of course. The Gold Coast is on the same timeline."
"True, except during daylight savings. Queensland doesn't do the Daylight Savings thing. Off-hand, I'd say we've missed the boat and I'm going to have to kill you and bury your body somewhere on this nice island paradise."
We had indeed missed the boat. All things considered, no big deal. I had my bag with me and in it I had some energy bars and a large bottle of water. The boat would pass by again tomorrow and we'd have out lift home. That's always assuming we weren't missed. If we were they'd probably trace back along the route and find us. Or another boat might pull on.
I'd noticed a small cabin earlier, and I assumed that people did overnight on the island on a regular basis.
I wandered back in the direction of the cabin, Denise trailing along behind me, yapping and complaining. The whole thing was everyone's fault but hers. Mine, for not getting her back to the boat in time, the boat's crew for not seeing we were missing, even the Queensland government came in for their share of abuse for not having daylight savings. We'd been in Queensland for two days and she'd never noticed her phone was an hour out to local time. Go figure.
Finding the cabin I checked it out. No lock. Just walk in. A table, couple of chairs, a pair of bunk beds. A lantern, some tinned food, a small gas stove, matches and a tap. Apparently there was a water tank attached to hold rain water. All the castaway needed until a boat came past.
I was satisfied that we'd survive without any trouble. This is assuming that I didn't strangle Denise, and if she didn't stop carping at me I would have to in sheer self-defence.
"Denise," I said, when I'd finally had enough, "will you kindly just shut up. The whole mess is your fault. Deal with it. We'll just catch the boat when it comes past tomorrow or hitch a ride on another one if one comes past."
I turned to leave the cabin, figuring I might as well go swimming again, and got hit by a handful of seashells Denise had been holding.
"OK," I snapped. "Enough is enough. That was just plain childish. You want to act like a child, I'll treat you like a child."
I grabbed one of the chairs and plunked myself down on it, at the same time snagging Denise's arm and yanking her towards me. She was over my knee before she realised what was going on.
Denise was only wearing her bikini. She hadn't bother with dressing before rushing to the dock, just stuffed her clothes in her bag. As she landed across my lap I was amused (and interested) to note that in her hurry to put on her top, when I caught her topless, she hadn't tied it properly. It came loose and dangled, as did her breasts.
Her squeal of protest was lost as my hand landed hard on her bottom. Then she really started squealing. Half a dozen good spanks and I was prepared to listen to her apology. I paused the spanking.
"Do you have something to say?" I asked. "Like an apology, maybe?"
Apparently not.