I can still see herâsee the scene unfoldingâin my mind, even years later. The very thought of that night brings warmth, comfort, and tingles to my entire body. It was so unexpected and yet so very beautiful.
I was a senior in high school, with girl-friends aplenty but not a girl
friend.
Fact is, I was friend-zoned. Constantly. I was close to so many beautiful young women and yet all of them had deemed me "too much of a friend," "like a brother," and not someone with whom dating was going to happen. I always felt more comfortable around the girls at school so I'd earned a place among many beautiful, caring, loving ladiesâbut despite many attempts to turn one into my girlfriend, it seems it was not meant to be. I was just too much of a risk of losing, apparently. Moreover, I was a high school senior who had never been kissed, and certainly nothing remotely more than that.
The fantastic energy it built within me was, at times, seemingly all consuming. Tight shirts or smooth legs plaguing my brain after a long day, I'd find myself at home, alone, waiting for family to return from work, lying in my bed slowly, deliberately stroking, fantasizing and desperately trying to release some of the pent-up sexual energy within me. I'd lie in bed, trying to last as long as I could to enjoy the bliss and the thoughts and the feelings, sometimes simply imagining being held in someone's arms, kissed, lightly touched. And when I'd finally reach climax it'd be explosive, sometimes reaching as far as my neck, showing just how much of a release I was needing from day after day of tension being surrounded by beautiful and sensual, sexy people so close and yet so very, very far.
My sisterâmy best friend for so many years from moving place to place thanks to dad's jobâhad gone off to college. I faced my senior year alone, spending long hours in front of the computer screen working my hardest to turn out the best I could at everything in hopes of a scholarship. My senior year proved to be grueling and tiresome, day after day, and often night after night.
But although so much time was spent working on assignments, weekends when my sister would come home brought me such joy. Just having her around was comforting and made everything that much better. Then, one weekend, she brought home her roommate. Sasha was from a small town in northern Washington, so going home for the weekend was, of course, out of the question. My parents opened our home, and their arms, to her and happily invited her in when my sister came home to visit and enjoy some respite from the dorms and daily life of the University.
Sasha was captivatingâcurvy, busty, long beautiful hair past her shoulder blades.
"Kelly talks about you all the time," she told me when we first met. "She misses her best friend." Jeezâeven a best friend to my sister! Not an annoying little brother, but a best friend...just like every other girl had placed on me. It seemed to be just who I wasâa good guy, a best friend, a risk of everything being ruined should things move beyond friendship.
Sasha treated me a bit differently, though. I'd be watching TV and she'd sneak in a quick shoulder rub. She'd peek in on me at the computer working away and tell me not to work too hard. She'd joke with me and treat me like, again, not her roommate's "annoying little brother," but as someone who had helped shape her roommateâher best friend in collegeâinto who she was. She approached me with gratitude and a comforting kindness I didn't feel from those I spent my own time with. She was different. She had a nurturing, loving, honest and kind way about her that made her more beautiful than just her exquisite looks.
Sasha joined my sister in coming home a few times during that first semester. And while I always enjoyed having my best friend home, I started, more and more, looking forward to having Sasha visit even more. She was, of course, beyond unobtainableâher being a college student and me still a lowly high schooler, albeit a senior. Still, when she would come in the door with Kelly and hug me tight and warm and close, I felt a twinge of yearning deep within me along with the simply gladness that she had tagged along.
One evening, I dragged my heels not wanting to work on yet another assignmentâa book to read and a report to writeâand held out for as long as I could. I was at my desk reading when a knock came to my door. I turned and was greeted by a sight beyond my most wonderful of fantasies. Sasha stood in my doorway in a white bikini, ready to hop in the Jacuzzi out back with my sister. Her skin was almost the color of the white bathing suitâporcelain, soft and silkenâeven from a short distance away. Her curves were beautiful. She was not a stick but shaped like a true, honest-to-goodness woman; her hips, her torso, her thighs and legs simply magnificent with feminine loveliness. Her breasts, full, and hauntingly stunning, were held by the bikini top like two loving hands supporting them against herâand oh how I wish they were my own. Her cleavage was gorgeous, her collarbone I wished I could kiss, and yet I laughed, inside, at the thought, as I had ever kissed a woman's lips, let alone collarbone nor anywhere else on her body, I'd barely know what to do so as to not look, feel, or be a complete fool in her arms. Ah, but she took my breath away as she stood there.
"Wanna come join us in the Jacuzzi, sweetie?" Sasha asked. Assignments be damned, now it was sheer embarrassment and self-consciousness at my body's reaction to her that kept me firmly planted at my desk.
"No, thanks Sasha. I'm slammed with work here," I responded, feeling like I was choking out the words in a jumbled mess of teenage angst and emotion.
"Aww! All right, babe. Don't work too hard, okay?" She winked and turned, and the 2
nd
half of the beautiful fantasy unfolding in my head was shown to me as she walked away, making me catch my breath as I watched her curves dance as she faded out of view.
****
It was after midnight and, reading done, I typed away summarizing the book at hand. The desk lamp nearby was the only light, making the rest of the bedroom appear illuminated as if by candlelight. Words blurred and crossed as I fought exhaustion, typing away, wanting to finish sooner than later and finally catch some sleep before the weekend ended and it was back to the grind.
"Psst," came from the doorway. I turned. There stood Sasha in boxers and an oversized T-shirt, obviously bra-less. I choked at her sight. Even in sleep clothes, she was as beautiful as she was standing there hours before in that white bikini which was still etched on my brain.
"I thought I was the only one awake," I whispered.
"You wereâbut I woke and heard you still typing. Are you
still
doing homework? Jeezâand I thought I had it bad in college!" She smiledâsuch a beautiful, warm smile. "Got a moment?" she asked.