It's very late at night, or early in the morning depending on your perspective on time. I'm standing on the side of the bridge looking down into the ravine. Far, far down...
It's time to end it. I just have to fall forward a little bit and a few seconds later I'll be gone. A miserable end to a miserable existence; missed and mourned by no one. Forgotten in an instant.
I begin to lean when I hear a woman yell out, "Hey, are you all right?" I turn to look at her and she answers her own question. "Of course not, sorry." She looks and sees my shoes and the note I left, and raises her phone.
"Don't bother," I say making a move toward the fall. "No one to miss me anyway."
"Don't say that! There must be..." she says taking a step forward, keeping her phone in her hand at the ready.
"No one," I interrupt.
She halts and retreats that step. "I'm sorry."
"Why would you be?"
"Because you're there... about to do that..." she says pointing away from me. "I had a girlfriend that did that because she felt... you know..."
I look back at the ravine and think about how good it would be to be done with this pointless conversation.
"She was wrong," the woman says.
I turn to look at her. She approached me when I wasn't looking, halving the distance between us but still far enough away so as not to interfere. I look back at the ravine.
"Please come down?" she asks slightly extending her hand. "Let me take you for some coffee and a talk?"
I look at her hand, and then back at the beckoning abyss. "Aren't you afraid of the virus?"
I can't see her shake her head. "No. I'm more afraid of you stepping forward."
I sigh. "What's it to you?" I ask glancing at her.
"I have to live with it. One way or another, you'll have left an impression." She pushes her hand toward me a little further. "Maybe you could make it a good one?"
I look down. "Impression? The rocks won't feel a thing."
"But
I
will. Please?" she asks extending her hand again.
"Say what you have to say here. I've nothing to live for."
"Don't you have family that will miss you?"
I shake my head and feel my body moving forward. "Are you dumb and deaf? What part of 'no one' don't you understand?!" I spit.
"But..."
I close my eyes. "If you don't mind, I'll be taking my leave now..." I let my upper body begin to lead the way. But I feel my clothing tug backwards and I fall backward onto the bridge instead. I gracelessly fall into a heap on the pavement.
"You lied. I'll miss you," she says.
"You don't know me," I say trying to stand with the intention of rushing over the edge.
I reach my feet and feel her arms wrap around my back, her front pressed against mine. "I know enough. Please come for coffee?"
I sigh heavily, knowing a coffee will just have me more awake when I return to finish. "There isn't a place for miles that's open at this time of night thanks to the virus."
She looks up at me, the top of her head barely reaching my chin. "So that's a yes?"
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Her scent reaches me and temporarily dulls my senses. "It's a very temporary stay of self-execution. I'll be back here soon enough."
She lets go of me and holds out her hand. "We'll see..."
I shake my head and roll my eyes. With a sigh I take her hand. She reaches down with her other hand to pick up my shoes and the note, leading me to the car.
When we're both inside I repeat myself. "Nothing's open, you know."
"I know a place," she says with a sympathetic smile.
She silently drives us to one end of the bridge and soon after into a residential neighborhood. A few blocks later she pulls into a driveway and the garage.
"Will this do? It's open whenever I say so," she says with a quick smile.
I shrug and we exit the car. We walk inside using the interior door and she quickly grabs a selection of K cups. "Pick your..." she stops herself and smiles. "Pick whichever you like."
"Drinking coffee at 2 a.m., isn't that an etiquette faux pas?" I ask picking one at random.
"You have a story to tell and I want to hear it," she answers taking the cup.
"What makes you think I want to tell it?"
"You must, otherwise why did you come here?" she asks directly.
I shrug.
She pours water into the machine and sits down. She motions for me to do the same around the kitchen island.
"So, what drove you to the precipice?"
"I walked," I say folding my arms on the counter and lowering my head on them facing away from her.
"Okay, but..."
"Why did you have to be there? Another minute and..."
"Fate?" she asks. I turn my head toward her. "Dumb luck?"
"Yeah..." The latter I tell myself and rest my head again.
We sit in silence for a few moments. "I was out dancing with my girlfriends and trying to find a guy to go home with. I struck out and found you instead," she answers without prodding.
I sink into my arms a little further. "A one night stand," I mumble.
She shrugs. "A hookup. The virus has made it very difficult, but not always impossible."
I close my eyes and shake my head, choosing not to comment.
"So why do you think no one will mourn your passing?"
"Parents dead. No siblings or any other family at all ... No friends, coworkers..." I say ruefully.
"There must be..."
I lift my head and loudly interrupt, "Use your damn ears! I SAID THERE'S NO ONE!"
She backs away and takes the opportunity to retrieve my cup from the coffee maker. She places it in front of me and starts her own cup. Then she sits down and says, "Okay, there's no one. But what happened to make you want to..." she began, unable to articulate the rest.
"Explode upon the rocks?" I ask, watching her mouth open and slowly and sadly close. I sigh and close my eyes. "I graduated college around two years ago. I had a job that I loved, working my way up. We had a big, new client that we had to impress. Then the client blew a gasket and fired us. Allegations flew everywhere and they landed on me."
"Landed?" she asks.
I nod. "I was accused of the major screw up that lost the company a million in revenues. It was my team, but not something I was assigned to work on."
"Then how...?"
"The boss's son was also in my team. He worked on the item in question. He did it and I took the blame. So they fired me."
"That's awful!" she says sympathetically.
I nod. "I immediately began looking for a lawyer because they got unemployment to deny my claim. The lawyers hemmed and hawed me out of their offices. Every job I applied for didn't even gain an interview since I was completely blackballed. I ran out of money, lost my apartment and car, and..."
"And thought you had nothing else to..." she trails off.
I shrug. "Debt so deep I'd have to swim upwards to start drowning rather than being crushed to death by the weight of it all! Nowhere to live." I sit up and motion to myself while I say, "I'm literally wearing everything I own."