You're an ugly bitch whose only worth a charity fuck!
Tears entered my eyes from my ex-boyfriend's words. I'd found out Ian was cheating on me last week, reading the sexts he was sending another girl. We'd fought, he dumped me, and he'd spent the last three days heaping abuse on me.
"Come on, Amanda, stop staring at your phone," Tyler placed a hand on my shoulder. "Not going to do you any good reading your ex's texts."
"I guess you're right," I reluctantly shut off my phone, slumping against the couch. Much as I tried to cheer myself up, it hadn't done any good so far.
"So are you coming to the party?" Tyler sat next to me, repeatedly poking my knee until I responded. His blue eyes bore into me.
"I... I don't want to bring everyone down," I looked away, but Tyler refused to stop poking me until I made eye contact with him. I held back the urge to scream at him. Annoying as he could be at times, he was still my best friend. "Can't believe your parents are letting you use the house."
"They figure if I'm going to get in trouble anyway, best to do so in a controlled environment. Something like that." Tyler hugged me gently, laughing. "Besides, it ought to cheer you up, though not as much as the honor of my presence."
"You're an ass."
"If it gets you out of your funk, damn right." Tyler hopped off the couch and began texting his friends. After a couple minutes, he put on his earbuds and started whistling.
"Are you looking at porn?" I had my doubts, but couldn't help teasing him. If anything, I looked at more porn than Tyler did. Now that I was nineteen years old, I didn't see the harm in it.
"No, of course not, Amanda!" Tyler put his hand against his heart. "Besides, don't you know how concerned I am for the message porn teaches our youth? Do we really want to teach them the repairman will show up when he says he will? That's just setting them up for disappointment."
I couldn't help myself and laughed. Tyler had a way of getting through to me when no one else could. "All right, all right, I'll see what I can do."
"If you don't show up to the party, I'll just have to drag you. My dad said to get off your ass, stop whining, and find a guy to fuck. Doubt you'll have any trouble finding someone."
"What about you?" I doubt he'd have much trouble, with his chiseled jaw, muscles, and addictive smile.
"I'm in between relationships right now, but we'll see." He gave a teasing grin to my chest and tank top, his jaw opening in a comical fashion. "Can't stop... looking at boobs."
"I can hit you." I punched him in the chest, though not hard enough to hurt.
"Worth it." Tyler's voice turned serious. "I'm sorry, that prick doesn't deserve a girl like you. Could always kick his ass if you want." He'd taken kickboxing classes for three years, so I expected he could.
"No. Like you said, he's not worth it." Much as I hate admitting it, if Ian wanted me to take him back, I probably would. "I'll show up to the party. Besides, you won't shut up about it."
"Party starts at eight; see you then." Tyler gave a salute and walked out of the apartment, leaving me to my own devices. My older sister and mother wouldn't be back until late tonight.
With little else to do, I watched Netflix for a couple hours, getting wet at the sex scenes. My friends loved teasing me about it, but I really did enjoy sex, whether it was getting myself off or another person. I saw no reason to be ashamed of it, but I still wanted to wait until I met the right person before I gave myself to someone else.
At seven, I brushed my hair, which went down to the middle of my back, black as my eyes. Considering my D-cups, I didn't expect to have much trouble attracting men. They got me enough negative attention when I was in school, demonized as a slut even though I didn't have sex until Ian.
Enough! Try and have fun, forget about that asshole!
I threw my hairbrush against the wall, imagining it to be Ian's face. My phone continued to go off, all texts from my ex saying the same thing he always did.
This time, I didn't bother responding and blocked him. I never wanted to hear from or even think about that bastard again. A bit odd, considering I would have taken him back hours ago, but Tyler was right. I deserved better than that.
By the time I finished getting ready, it was 8:02, but I wasn't planning to show up at the start anyway. "Have fun and relax," I kept repeating to myself out loud. I sent a few brief texts to other friends I hadn't talked to, apologizing for disappearing for so long.
Tyler's house was not difficult to find, with a handful of cars already parked outside. It was easily twice the size of my apartment, reminding me of the income gasp between us. I took a deep breath and locked my door. Parties weren't my scene, having only gone to a couple of them in high school, but anything was better than staying at home and sulking.
I walked into the backyard where benches, beanbag chairs, several types of chips, Pepsi, vodka, whiskey, and beer awaited me. A few had already arrived, though nobody did much of anything. One guy helped himself to the booze, relaxing on the bench. A couple girls were there, so I wasn't the only one.
Tyler spotted me immediately, a giant grin on his face. "Hey, Amanda!" He pulled me into a tight hug while I sunk into it. "Glad you decided to make it."
"You didn't give me a choice, remember?" I walked in with his arm around my shoulder.
"Meh, whatever works. Go ahead and enjoy some food, soda, or alcohol. Just... don't go overboard, all right? I don't fancy holding your head again while you vomit into the toilet."
"I'll be careful." I kissed his cheek. I'd only ever gotten that plastered once and after the hangover, I promised I'd never do it again.
Just because I don't plan on having sex doesn't mean I can't have a bit of fun.
Maybe some kissing, making out, even go further if the guy was cute enough. I smiled at a couple guys standing on the corner, arms crossed and appearing indifferent. I pushed my breasts up to see how they responded. Nothing.
With half an hour, almost thirty people had arrived. I looked down towards his parent's bedroom, wondering how they could possibly sleep. "Don't worry about it." Tyler shrugged when I brought the topic up. "Mom could sleep through a gunfight."
Unfortunately, I soon found none of the guys had even a bit of interest in me. With as many girls as guys at the party, I struggled to compete for their attention. On the beanbag chairs, two couples made out with each other, one of whom was already half-undressed, not caring they had a crowd around them.
I gulped a shot of vodka to steady my nerves, resisting the urge to cry again. "All right, girl, if they're not going to approach you, you'll have to do the hard work." A man and woman stumbled away, presumably to have sex.
I stopped next to a guy almost six feet tall, strong abs and dark eyes, similar to my own. "Great party, isn't it?" I ran my hand down his shoulder, feeling him. If this turned into a bit of fooling around, I wouldn't mind. Perhaps I'd even show Ian to make him see what he was missing.
"Nice to relax for a bit before mid-terms," he stayed friendly but showed no sign of returning my internet. He wore a baseball jersey, so I asked him about that. Again, friendly, but not taking any interest in me.
With a lowered head, I walked away, unsure of what else to do. I saw other girls doing fine, getting attention, having guys flirt with them. A couple of them had already wandered off to enjoy themselves. And here I was, completely alone.
Unlike most, Tyler had yet to touch any alcohol, currently chatting to a woman I didn't recognize. Tempting as it was to get his attention, I decided against ruining the party for everyone. After all, I was supposed to be cheering myself up, not falling into a deeper funk.
I approached two more guys over the course of the night, getting the same response. One of them didn't even bother responding to me, preferring to talk to some bimbo in a see-through top. He hadn't even pretended not to stare at her breasts.
Shouldn't even have bothered coming here,
I sat down on the bench and buried my face into my hands. No one noticed, not that I expected them to. Every other woman here got attention, provocative clothing or not. What did they have that I didn't? Much as I tried telling myself it didn't matter, that their lack of interest didn't matter, I couldn't so much as muster a small smile.
To distract myself, I pulled my smartphone out, seeing forty-three unread messages. Forty of them were from Ian, all the same bullshit I expected. Except for one.
"Shared your pics to my buddies; all said you were an ugly, fat fuck LMAO"
I repeatedly slammed the phone against the bench, cracking the frame. I ran into the house, secretly hoping Tyler, at least, would call for me. Nobody did.
The back door was unlocked, allowing me to wander into the house. Even in the darkness, I'd been inside often enough to know my way around, fleeing into the bathroom where I could cry myself out in peace.
I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. Okay, I didn't intend to have sex with anyone, or a relationship, but nobody so much as looked at me. Knew it was strange, because I'd complained about men lusting after me, but the lack of attention hurt even more.