"So, I sat there and tried to reason with him, but he said no and walked out. I didn't know what to do. I mean, I was fucked. I cried for ages and then I sent a friend a message asking if they could meet. A friend who lived around the corner." Her eyes burned into mine. "There was no reply. I went out later, that's when I had the bad encounter with Mister Pub Guy and I came home and just cried myself to sleep. The next morning I sent you another message and you didn't reply. I looked and it seemed you hadn't read the message either. I got really fucking mad then. I walked around looking for you, trying to see if I could see you in the flat, but I didn't know which one was yours, so I went home and just cried again. I was totally alone and you were fucking ignoring me." Hannah stared at me and I was actually quite scared.
"The next day I tried to work, but I was cracking up. I looked and you were showing as offline. I asked Brendan if he had heard as I wanted to talk to you, but he didn't know anything. I managed to work that day, but on Tuesday morning my manager told me to have time off, try and get away, see a friend, anything but work. So, I checked with Brendan again and still nothing. I sent a message on Teams and even started an email to see if your out of office would come on, but nothing. I gave up and called a friend and she said I could stay until Sunday, so that was it for the week."
Hannah was sniffling and she pulled the sleeve of the t-shirt to wipe her nose then continued. "I got back on the next Sunday, afternoon time. It was dead around here and I sent you another message and nothing. I was fucking fuming now. I stomped around the streets and kept passing by here to look for you. I went back and cried myself stupid. Next day I logged into work, you hadn't replied and weren't online, so I clicked on your name and 'hid' you, I didn't want to look at your fucking avatar or name again, Brendan messaged to say you had been in at the end of last week, but he'd heard you were on 'restricted duties' but didn't know why, he thought you were in trouble. I was REALLY angry now as you had ignored me. I told him I didn't fucking care and not to mention you again. I tried to work and got through the day. Just as it was almost done, he messaged again to say he had heard you were sick. I told him I didn't care." There was a big sniff now and Hannah was looking down, her eyes on the floor, her face red and some tears ran down her cheeks.
"I was so FUCKING MAD AT YOU" her words made me jump a little, but still her eyes were on the floor. "I just muddled through the days, trying to do stuff and also find a new place to live. It was a one bed place, how could I share it? I needed somewhere and went to see some places nearby, but they were no good, or too expensive." Hannah took a deep breath, "I came home and sat alone crying. I would still walk past here and look for you, mainly to fucking hit you." I giggled quietly at that, but Hannah didn't react. "At the end of Tuesday, Brendan messaged again, apologising but saying he thought I might want to hear this... he was in a meeting and they were talking about getting a temp in to cover your work. He thought something bad was up, but didn't know what. I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but now I was worried even though I still wanted to fucking hit you."
Another long sniff followed and Hannah wiped her nose on the other sleeve. "It was the Wednesday, I think, yeah, sure it was. Brendan messaged again, he had talked to your manager and Chloe had sounded concerned and now he was worried. I still didn't care, really. I had gone out at lunchtime to look for you again, I had seriously considered ringing each bell here to find you so I could hurt you. I had been sent details of a nice place, where I now live, I felt a bit better, but still wrecked. There was another message and I was fucking fuming, sick to death of this shit, I didn't want to see your name ever again. 'He's in hospital', Brendan said. I just stared and then started shaking and cried my fucking eyes out." Hannah looked up at me, right in the eyes and I shivered. "How could you? How could you do that? I was broken already and now you did this."
I wanted to hold Hannah as she sobbed, but her hands were twisting together, she hadn't finished, she needed to get this out.
"I cried and cried. I mean, whole body twisting crying. I asked if he knew what hospital, but he only knew you were in one. I called the local one and tried to bluff it, but I was just sobbing too much and they said they couldn't give me any information unless I was a relative. I stupidly said I wasn't as I was too frazzled to lie. I didn't sleep much as I wanted the next day to come to find out more. Now it was me pestering Brendan. He only knew the temp wasn't needed, which he figured meant you were coming back. Later he messaged to say Chloe had told him I was out of hospital, or would be soon, so I walked around again to try and find you. Your neighbours must have thought I was a fucking lunatic, standing outside and looking up. The next day Brendan said that you were now out of hospital and should be back next week. That evening I looked up and saw a light on in this flat, it had been dark previously and I walked to the door and almost pressed the buzzer, but was too scared. I didn't know if I would hit you or hug you."
Hannah looked up and smiled, just a little one, but enough. "I wanted to see you, to know you were ok, no one knew what was wrong, well, those who did wouldn't say. They hadn't been crying over you though, worried sick. Then you messaged and said did I want coffee and I actually did a little dance around the room. I was so fucking excited to see you I forgot to put a bra on and you were so fucking wrecked and, also a gentleman, you didn't even try to feel me up or look down my top. I was still angry that you had left me alone, I mean, really utterly alone, but when I saw you..." Hannah let out a moan and then cried. I had had enough, I leaned over and held her tight as she shook and sobbed in my arms. "I fucking hated you and you were sick in hospital, I felt so utterly shit!" she wailed onto my chest. "Imagine if you had died and I had hated you still, IMAGINE THAT!" I didn't reply, just held her as she cried and she did that for a long time.
I only had my shorts on, so Hannah pulled up the t-shirt to try and wipe the tear away. I didn't want to leave her to get any tissues, so helped her dry the tears until more of the shirt was soaked. Then she slapped my chest and muttered "jerk" several times before breathing in deeply and looking up into my eyes. "You nearly died and I was too busy hating you." She muttered and I pulled her close and kissed her tentatively, unsure of her reaction, but her mouth went wide and her tongue was inside my lips quickly.
"I never knew what happened to you, no one spoke, you just turned up for work on the Monday. I was busy sorting out the move and left soon after. You were at the doctor again when I left, having another check." I cuddled her as she calmed and her breathing was normal. There were still tears running down her cheeks.
"You want to know the brief story/" Hannah nodded at me and there was a small smile. "Ok, I got sick on the Friday night, nothing bad, just feeling weird. Then it got worse and by two in the morning I was in agony and I called a cab to take me to hospital to check. They did tests and in the morning they said I might have an infection, so pumped me full of antibiotics. As I was, effectively, alone in his place, they didn't want to let me go home in case I had a reaction, so I stayed there until the next round of drugs was done and then they said I still had a temperature, so kept me in until the next drug session was due. By then, it was early evening on Saturday and I was released and I staggered home and fell asleep until Sunday afternoon. I had put my phone on charge when I got in, but it had gone totally flat in hospital, so had turned off and I didn't realise."
Hannah snuggled to my chest, she was still crying a little. "Then what?"
"Well, I felt shit, so messaged Chloe to tell her what had happened and that I was going sick on Monday. She said she didn't want me back until Thursday so I could rest properly, so that was that. I didn't realise I had missed messages as the phone didn't show anything that had come in when it was off, plus, I was out of it, sort of in shock from events and also full of strong drugs. On Thursday I went to work, but felt crap. I had another appointment on Friday afternoon, so Chloe said just do menial stuff, get that done and rest, not to log onto Teams and ignore anything but urgent emails and then just forward them to her. So, that's what I did."
"You didn't see my messages then?" Her voice was small as I held her to me.