Dear Reader, this part picks up right from the last, it's Sunday night, or maybe Monday morning in the wee small hours...
It was too quiet and I opened my eyes. The bed was empty beside me and I sat up in a panic. My hand went to the indentation of Hannah's body next to me to make sure this whole thing hadn't been a cruel dream, but there was the shape of her on the sheet. I stumbled up and slipped on my shorts and went to look for her. I poked my head out of the bedroom, but could see no light. The toilet was empty, as was the bathroom and I peered into the kitchen expecting to see her eating some of the pizza, but the two quarters remained in the box. I looked in the living room and it was empty, no one was on the sofa, no one anywhere to be found. I stumbled back into the bedroom and breathed out when I saw her yellow dress still on the floor. I went out again to the only place left.
The balcony door was closed, but unlocked and I pushed it open and Hannah turned her head. "Why are you awake?" She whispered.
"I might ask you that, young lady." I replied and she smiled and patted the other chair. I sat and looked out. I had planted some flowers in the boxes left by my ex, but I was a terrible gardener and mainly let anything grow, plants borne on the wind seeded happily and I would water them. The bees liked it though, so I was fine. The balcony was quite small, enough room for two people to sit on the plastic chairs, so that's exactly what we did as the wee small hours did nothing around us.
"Have you seen the foxes?" I whispered and she shook her head and her eyes stayed fixed on the large insect that was spinning around the streetlight below.
"Not much has moved, except bugs. Maybe bats, but I can't see them and my hearing isn't good enough to hear."
I reached out and put a hand to her leg and she leaned to press against me and her head went to my shoulder.
"Been a tough day, huh?" I said quietly, not wanting to upset the bug as it continued to spin and swoop around the light.
"Yeah, much tougher than I thought. Really hard, but..." There was a little sigh, "I had help."
I gave her leg a squeeze and she giggled. "Sorry if it was a bit shit for you." I assured her it was great and stroked her thigh, my hand slipping under the t-shirt. Hannah shivered as I touched her, my fingers feeling the wetness still there from earlier and I nudged my little finger to the puffy mound. "Chancer." she giggled quietly.
I turned and kissed her hair and she lifted her head and we stretched to put our lips together.
"There's something I have to tell you." She whispered, her eyes looking very serious and inside everything started to shrivel and die. "It might be better in the flat." This really wasn't good, but I smiled and went in to sit on the sofa, resting against one end as Hannah sat at the other end, turned towards me, My eyes flashed down to see her sweet slit as the t-shirt rode up, but she quickly pushed the bottom down and tucked it under her. This really was bad news. She took a deep breath and I tried to hold on tight.
"I did actually hate you once." Her eyes were cold as she said it, then they dropped. "Really hated you, never wanted to see you or talk to you again." I gasped a little and she looked at me and a small smile flashed over her face. "I really need to tell you this as it keeps rearing up in my mind, so please listen." I breathed in and braced myself.
"Ok, so... the day Eric left, it was a Saturday. He came back from a friend, or whatever, he would go away just to escape me, I guess. He came in and we started arguing within minutes, mainly as I wanted to know where he had been as he was vague. He told me... he'd been to look at a flat and he was moving out. There was a month's notice, I could find someone to share the bills with, move, or pay the full amount, which would leave me with nothing for food." Hannah exhaled and then took another deep breath.
"So, I sat there and tried to reason with him, but he said no and walked out. I didn't know what to do. I mean, I was fucked. I cried for ages and then I sent a friend a message asking if they could meet. A friend who lived around the corner." Her eyes burned into mine. "There was no reply. I went out later, that's when I had the bad encounter with Mister Pub Guy and I came home and just cried myself to sleep. The next morning I sent you another message and you didn't reply. I looked and it seemed you hadn't read the message either. I got really fucking mad then. I walked around looking for you, trying to see if I could see you in the flat, but I didn't know which one was yours, so I went home and just cried again. I was totally alone and you were fucking ignoring me." Hannah stared at me and I was actually quite scared.
"The next day I tried to work, but I was cracking up. I looked and you were showing as offline. I asked Brendan if he had heard as I wanted to talk to you, but he didn't know anything. I managed to work that day, but on Tuesday morning my manager told me to have time off, try and get away, see a friend, anything but work. So, I checked with Brendan again and still nothing. I sent a message on Teams and even started an email to see if your out of office would come on, but nothing. I gave up and called a friend and she said I could stay until Sunday, so that was it for the week."
Hannah was sniffling and she pulled the sleeve of the t-shirt to wipe her nose then continued. "I got back on the next Sunday, afternoon time. It was dead around here and I sent you another message and nothing. I was fucking fuming now. I stomped around the streets and kept passing by here to look for you. I went back and cried myself stupid. Next day I logged into work, you hadn't replied and weren't online, so I clicked on your name and 'hid' you, I didn't want to look at your fucking avatar or name again, Brendan messaged to say you had been in at the end of last week, but he'd heard you were on 'restricted duties' but didn't know why, he thought you were in trouble. I was REALLY angry now as you had ignored me. I told him I didn't fucking care and not to mention you again. I tried to work and got through the day. Just as it was almost done, he messaged again to say he had heard you were sick. I told him I didn't care." There was a big sniff now and Hannah was looking down, her eyes on the floor, her face red and some tears ran down her cheeks.
"I was so FUCKING MAD AT YOU" her words made me jump a little, but still her eyes were on the floor. "I just muddled through the days, trying to do stuff and also find a new place to live. It was a one bed place, how could I share it? I needed somewhere and went to see some places nearby, but they were no good, or too expensive." Hannah took a deep breath, "I came home and sat alone crying. I would still walk past here and look for you, mainly to fucking hit you." I giggled quietly at that, but Hannah didn't react. "At the end of Tuesday, Brendan messaged again, apologising but saying he thought I might want to hear this... he was in a meeting and they were talking about getting a temp in to cover your work. He thought something bad was up, but didn't know what. I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but now I was worried even though I still wanted to fucking hit you."
Another long sniff followed and Hannah wiped her nose on the other sleeve. "It was the Wednesday, I think, yeah, sure it was. Brendan messaged again, he had talked to your manager and Chloe had sounded concerned and now he was worried. I still didn't care, really. I had gone out at lunchtime to look for you again, I had seriously considered ringing each bell here to find you so I could hurt you. I had been sent details of a nice place, where I now live, I felt a bit better, but still wrecked. There was another message and I was fucking fuming, sick to death of this shit, I didn't want to see your name ever again. 'He's in hospital', Brendan said. I just stared and then started shaking and cried my fucking eyes out." Hannah looked up at me, right in the eyes and I shivered. "How could you? How could you do that? I was broken already and now you did this."
I wanted to hold Hannah as she sobbed, but her hands were twisting together, she hadn't finished, she needed to get this out.
"I cried and cried. I mean, whole body twisting crying. I asked if he knew what hospital, but he only knew you were in one. I called the local one and tried to bluff it, but I was just sobbing too much and they said they couldn't give me any information unless I was a relative. I stupidly said I wasn't as I was too frazzled to lie. I didn't sleep much as I wanted the next day to come to find out more. Now it was me pestering Brendan. He only knew the temp wasn't needed, which he figured meant you were coming back. Later he messaged to say Chloe had told him I was out of hospital, or would be soon, so I walked around again to try and find you. Your neighbours must have thought I was a fucking lunatic, standing outside and looking up. The next day Brendan said that you were now out of hospital and should be back next week. That evening I looked up and saw a light on in this flat, it had been dark previously and I walked to the door and almost pressed the buzzer, but was too scared. I didn't know if I would hit you or hug you."