In The Name Of Desire

Disclaimer: In The words of Mark Twain "Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted. Persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished. Persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot." In other words.. It is JUST a STORY. It bears no real life meaning. These ideas are fictional and for the purposes of entertainment.

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I awake from the dream again. I am in London, walking around the city. I know what I want to do with my life once I return home. I have been here for three months, and this time from my regular life has allowed me to think without distractions.

I lie in bed thinking about the past few months, and that I have wanted to take some time away for myself. I have decided I will return to England, I have visited there once and fell in love with it.

I graduate college tomorrow, and I feel energized by this accomplishment. I crawl out of bed to the shower and get ready for my last final exam of college. I know I will do well, so I am not nervous about this last test. I turn the water to warm and step inside to wash my body.

The shower sprays my skin and I lather some scented soap all over my body, the lavender scent is exhilarating to my senses and I sigh in relaxation. I soap up my hair running my hands through it to get a nice lather. Finally rinsing all the suds from my hair and my body, I step from the shower dripping wet.

Just then, I hear your voice outside my bedroom. I wasn't expecting you this morning, but it's a nice surprise just the same. I had given you a key to my apartment a few weeks ago, and you gave me a key to your house as well. "Hi honey, how are you this morning? I wasn't expecting to see you until dinner tonight."

"I know, but I thought I would take you for a quick breakfast. After all, you shouldn't take your exam without eating a good meal." You reply smiling. "I missed you this week, I haven't seen you since lunch on Monday." you come up to me to give me a hug and I reach up to put my arms around your neck and kiss you hello, sliding my tongue in to meet yours.

My still wet body pressing into you, making your clothes a little wet, but you don't seem to mind at all. We kiss for a while, enjoying each other fully. "I missed you too. I'm glad I got up plenty early this morning.

To your slight dismay, I get dressed, and you drive us to a nearby restaurant and order breakfast; fresh fruit, muffins, and bacon is this morning's special, we sip fresh orange juice looking at each other for a moment.

"Well, I have a little surprise for you, but I don't want to distract you, so I will show it to you at dinner tonight."

"Please tell me now, I can't wait for tonight."

"Oh you can, it will be worth the anticipation, trust me." you grin mischievously. I start to imagine what it could possibly be. We finish eating and you drive me home in plenty of time to get to campus.

At six that evening you return to take me out to dinner to celebrate. I get dressed up for you, wearing a gray skirt and a lower cut soft pink blouse. I have been trying to guess at your surprise all day long, the suspense is intriguing.

Finally, as we are finishing our dinners you tell me the surprise. "I plan to join you the last two weeks you are in London. I want us to also fly to Ireland also and spend some time there.

"I can't believe it; this is such a great surprise.

"Well, I know how much it means to you to go and spend some time there by yourself. "I really love you, and I want you to be happy. But I also would love to spend time with you there.

I know you are staying in hostels while you are there, but you and I have hotels booked for that time. I have been planning this since that incredible Valentine' day we spent together."

We smile as remembering the incredible night. You finally got the hot tub you talked about put into your bathroom. You displayed rose petals everywhere, champagne, and candles, it was so romantic. We spent hours in the hot tub that night.

Surely, we were like prunes the rest of the night, but it didn't matter. It was also the night you said I love you for the first time.

"Brad I'm glad you want to come. You know how much I want to visit Ireland again, I couldn't think of a better way to spend in such a beautiful place than with you." We hold hands across the table, and your hand caresses mine. We order desert and continue our conversation. You tell me about your latest work project that you have accomplished.

"I have just finished remodeling a restaurant and it looks fantastic. The place is reopening next weekend. We should go there and check it out before you leave. You wouldn't believe it was the same restaurant. I have pictures of what it was before." You smile, proud of the accomplishment.

"It makes me happy to see you smile like that." We pay the check and head to your house for the night.

After you find a bottle of wine for us, you catch me and kiss me. I tease you with my tongue and return your kisses for a minute. "Mmm, my god woman, you drive me insane. I can't kiss you without going crazy inside." You lick your lips as I pull away teasingly.

You just stare at me as if you are in a dream. I pat you on the butt playfully, you give me the look, and I kiss you again sucking on your bottom lip. You let out a deep breath when I pull away.

Finally, we make our way to the bedroom and I slowly strip, first unbuttoning my blouse, sliding off my skirt, then stand in my lacy bra and panties. You take in a deep breath as you watch me play with the strap of my bra. You try to concentrate as you ready the hot set our two wine glasses on the bed stand.

You stare at me longingly. I unhook my bra and let it fall, and then slide my panties to the floor. You just stare at me, trying to contain your excitement for a bit.

"I've really missed you this week." You stop to pour wine in the two glasses, and then kiss me. We take time to enjoy each other's mouth, and then I slide into bed.

I pull you by the hand until you are beside me. We come together and kiss once more. Your tongue probes hungrily into my mouth. I grab pull you even closer to me kiss you.

"Oh my god, if I die now it will be the most pleasurable way to go." You move your mouth to the top of my neck, kissing below my ear, then on down to my collarbone, your tongue grazing my neck. Your hands move to my wet breasts and you trace each one with your fingertips. I let out a soft sigh as you lightly circle around my nipples, causing them to peak.

You continue caressing one breast while the other hand slides slowly up and down my thigh. I moan as you begin licking at one breast ever so slightly, than the other one. I grind myself closer to feel your hardness against me.

You moan feeling the wet heat from between my legs and my softness contrasting with your hard self. Slowly you kiss along my ribs, I arch my back, and you kiss my stomach. Your tongue moves from one side to the other.

I urge you to move your head farther down. Teasingly you continue kissing my stomach, lick the top of my thigh, and then back across my stomach to the other thigh. You trace your fingers farther down, driving me insane.

Finally, you trace your tongue over me, down to my aching need. Your tongue glides around causing me to moan, and I push up to give you better access. I concentrate on your tongue in my most needy spots, closing my eyes letting the sensations flow around me. Just as I am near the brink of pleasure, you pull away, leaving me at that critical place. I sigh.

You slide up to the side of me and kiss my neck. I turn you on your back, and then slide my hands around to your front to find your growing desire. I run my fingers across your thighs, to your inner thigh, and finally back to your hardness.

You moan as I stroke you, and then bring my mouth down to pleasure you. I lick, suck, and stroke you, and after just a few minutes, you are at the edge and you cum, moaning grabbing my hair. You lay there for a few minutes, nearly wiped out.

"Honey, that was incredible." I come back up to lie beside you and you kiss me again. You surprise me when within ten minutes of kissing and touching me you are ready again. I lower myself onto you and begin to move back and forth, moving slowly at first, then more quickly. After we have gone over the edge, we lie wiped out completely. You pull me closer and we lie there for a few minutes, and then sip our wine.

============== I have spent three wonderful weeks here in London, and I am excited to see you today. The subway pulls into Heathrow where I meet your plane. We hug and kiss each other upon our little reunion. Since you are exhausted from the flight and jet lag, we go straight to the hotel and you sleep into the early afternoon. When you awake, you are hungry, and we walk to a nearby bistro for some lunch.

Afterwards I show you some of the nearby sights of London, and you suggest catching the London Eye, where you can see all of central London. Little do I know that you have arranged for us to have a car all to ourselves. We kiss as we wait in line for the car.

I look around after we board, wondering why the car doesn't fill. You just smile at me, and kiss me again. "I missed you like crazy these past three weeks, it seems like it has been months."

"I know I've missed you too. We gaze out from the Eye and I point out Big Ben and Westminster Abbey. It's a beautiful sunny day, not your stereotypical rain and fog London. You look deeply into my eyes and just gaze for a while.

"I love you so much, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me." My jaw wants to drop to the floor as your left knee goes down, I can't believe what you are about to do. You pull out a black box, seemingly from nowhere. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you Amy. Will you marry me?"

I am slightly caught off guard by the proposal. We haven't been together that long. But things do seem very good between us. Finally, I smile and nod. "Yes. I will." You get up and pull me into your arms and we kiss and hug.

The Eye is starting to go back to the ground, I feel as though I have just been flying. We walk along some more, then go back to the hotel to get ready for dinner. I wear a black spaghetti strapped dress I bought here, slipping heels on we walk to the restaurant on the wharf.

Three days later we fly to Ireland, the scenery is absolutely breathtaking. "I'm glad I could be here with such a beautiful woman as you." You say as you kiss me. I wrap my arms around you and kiss you back. We spend a good hour exploring and taking pictures before we go to our bed and breakfast "I made some special plans for tonight. I made reservations for dinner and some Irish folk dancing. How does that sound to you?"

"That sounds like fun, I can't wait. Hmm, we have about three hours to spare, what sounds good to you?" I ask coyly. We then spend the next two hours in our room. Exhausted, we arrive at dinner at six. The food is great, and the band lively. We learn a little folk dancing and later go to another pub for a few beers.

That night we tumble into bed, kiss and fondle for a while, but you are exhausted from the past few days, so we cuddle. That time in Ireland was amazing, I was disappointed when we had to go home. However, I know how much you want me to be back home. So regretfully, we return to normal life.

Since my lease was up, you had suggested I move in with you, as I was getting ready to leave for England. I hadn't decided for sure if we were ready to live together. So I was surprised to find when we came home, all of my things had been moved into your house while I was gone. I was excited, but also apprehensive at the same time.

I mean, we are good together, but this all seems to be happening so fast now. I know you are good for me, and you will take good care of me. Nevertheless, I still wonder if this is too fast. We have been together for only six months now.

We unpack from our trip the morning after we get home from the airport. We are both extremely exhausted, but we are meeting your parents for lunch today to announce our engagement. It was a barbeque, which was nice. We tell them the news almost immediately. They seem happy with it, as they liked me right away when I met them.

On this Friday night, your band is playing in town. So I drive with you to help set up for the show. I sit and watch you warm up, you smile at me every time you see me. Just as the show is about to start, you make an announcement of our engagement to everyone there. You ask me to come up, and show me off to everyone there.

You also announce that next Saturday, we are having a huge party to celebrate our engagement. We are having it at your house, this is a surprise to me. I feel very nervous now, I feel pressure to be the perfect woman, can I live up to being a wife? You kiss me, and I relax for a minute. Then I step down and the band starts to play.

Next Friday night, I go out with a few friends after work, Brad is playing out of town tonight, and I wasn't able to go because of work. We go to our usual after work spot, and one of my other friends shows up. We are just about to leave, and then he walks in.

My god, my heart starts beating faster, I feel my breath catch, and my stomach does a flop. I haven't seen Ryan in almost a year. I can't believe after all this time I am still so affected by his presence. =========

He smiles when he sees me, and I smile back, slipping my hand under the table, hiding Brad's ring. My god, I can't believe I just did that, why? Ryan walks over and says hi to us.

"Wow long time no see Amy, how are you?"

"I am doing good, I just graduated college, and spent the past month in England."

"Well, I can't say that I have done anything that exciting, but I am doing pretty good for myself. I went back to college last fall, studying physical therapy."

"That's great, I am glad to hear that. I hope it works out for you."

"Thanks, I will have one more year yet, but it seems to be going good."

Tell him you are engaged, why aren't you telling him? I ask myself. He will be happy for you, if not a little jealous even.

"We were actually just going to leave, but heading to another bar. Would you and your friend like to join us?"

"Well, um, yea, why not. It would be nice to catch up with you again." My friends all give me the "what are you doing?" look, especially Tanya who was always somewhat disapproving of Ryan. We stand up to leave, and I can no longer really hide my ring.

"Oh, I also got engaged two weeks ago." I let him see my hand without trying to look like I am showing off ring.

"Wow, um, congratulations." For once, he doesn't seem as collected as he usually presents himself. He seems nervous, runs his hand over his hair. "So, um, you don't think your fiancé would mind me tagging along with you ladies tonight?"

"No, I don't think he would mind. His band is playing out of town tonight. Since I had to work later tonight, I decided not to drive the two hours after work. Besides, Brad trusts me."

Yes, but the question is can I trust myself with Ryan? Yes. I can. I am engaged to a good man. I am happy to be with Brad and I love him, I tell myself.

Then why is my stomach flip flopping all the time I have been talking here with Ryan? Well it's too late now, we are out the door of the bar and headed down the road. It would be rude to uninvite him now.

We walk into the other bar, Ryan and his friend Eric at the end of our little group. We try to find a spot at the bar to order our drinks. Finally, Ryan seems back to his cool and collected self, and flags down a female bartender for us. He orders and buys each of our drinks, even though we protest.

I smile and thank him, he briefly pats my shoulder. He immediately drops his hand, as though he realized what he did after it had been done.

We talk for a while, catching up on things that have been going on with us. I tell him a little about Brad, that we've been together for eight months, and that I recently moved in with him since my lease was up. Ryan seems to be trying to hide his disappointment that I am in such a serious relationship.

Things between Ryan and I were never serious, but we had a good time together. Despite how I feel about Brad, I find myself still especially attracted to Ryan. Now I realize why my friend was giving me such a disapproving look. She knows what I felt for Ryan, a lot of intense physical chemistry mostly. I would be lying to myself if I said I did not feel any sparks with him even now.

The music slowly gets louder in the bar, and more people crowd in, causing a few "accidental" brushes between Ryan and I. Finally, I excuse myself to the bathroom, and one of my friends follows me.

"Amy, what are you doing with him? You are engaged to Brad, I thought you were so in love with him, and over Ryan?"

"I am, I am, I was. I don't know. I never did understand the type of passion I felt when I was with Ryan, and I have not felt that same passion since then. I don't feel the same kind of attraction or passion with Brad as I did with Ryan. I mean I love him, and we are great together, but...."

"But nothing, we are leaving this bar, and you are telling Ryan that we are going home now. If you can't put a stop to this nonsense, I surely will.

"I know, I know, you're right. We should leave. Just let me go to the bathroom first." I do so, and inside the stall, I pull out a piece of paper, writing my name and number on it. I plan to slip it to Ryan as I leave, not sure why or what for. Just so, we can talk again sometime, that's all.

We leave the bathroom and go find Ryan and Eric. I tell them we are going home, and he tries to hide his disappointment. I give him a hug before I leave, and slip the paper into his hand quickly before I turn away. He catches my elbow before I am away, turns me to him, looking at the small paper and then me. Quickly, my other friend drags me away by my other arm, before we can say anything more.

From there I don't look back, and we head in the direction of my car. Instead of leaving, my friend decides we should just go to another bar where we know he won't likely be. We agree to go, but I feel so completely confused.

I am left wondering of my brief encounter with Ryan tonight. We only stay at this bar for one round, then head home. It's now to one a.m., and two of my friends have to work early tomorrow morning.

My phone rings on the ride home, and my heart jumps at the ring. I wonder if it's Ryan already? No, it's Brad. I never thought I would be so disappointed to have him call. He just called to tell me the show was going great, the bar was packed. He tells me they probably wouldn't be out of there before four a.m.

The band had a room there, since it was two hours away, and the band sometimes partied after shows too, so he wouldn't be home until sometime later in the morning.

After I dropped off my friend, I slowly started the country drive home, well to Brad's home, but soon it will feel like my home. It's nice to be out in the country, but it takes so long to get into the city. My phone rings again, assuming that it's Brad again, and forgot something I pick up without looking.

"Hi." Slight pause "It's Ryan." My heart stops.

"Hi, how's it going?"

"It's ok. Hey, why did your friends make you leave all of a sudden?"

"Umm, I guess they didn't like the idea of you and me hanging out... You know. But, I mean I don't think it's a big deal, we're cool right?"

"Yea. Cool. So, are you still out?"

"No, I was just leaving town to go home. I live kind of far from downtown now."

"Well, I don't know if you're up for it, but Eric and another buddy, are having a little after bar party at our place. If you can't come that's totally cool, I just thought it might be a chance for us to talk some more." The phone goes silent again for a minute, as I ponder what I should do.